Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: East of West, Issue #21 – “This Great City”! In the previous installment, the Union keeps sending diplomats to gain an audience with the Endless Nation, and they keep getting dismembered and sent back to the White Tower in boxes! Enough of this! So LeVay decides to send Lux.

The Endless Nation brings home a couple of Maoists, which the Chief welcomes with open arms. They are, after all, both “relocated people”! Then Lux shows up to be diplomatic, and that fails. She starts getting her ass kicked and bloodied up real good. One Maoist then insists that they stop, that she is also one of them, that she is also a “relocated people”!

More to Lux than meets the eye, it seems. Obviously. Or less!

East of West, Issue #21 [October, 2015]
Written by: Jonathan Hickman
“This Great City”

“You hear nothing because you don’t know what to listen for.“

We pick up right where we left off, kind of: Lux isn’t beat up and bloody anymore, and she’s fucking the Maoist. “You have a choice to me,” the Maoist starts his dirty talk, “Let us use you– and have a purpose… or refuse– and have none.”

*penetration*

Obviously the Prophecy, the Word, the Message, the Almanac, the Whatever, brought her to this place for a reason. Better start making the most of it.

Flashback to the diplomatic meeting that was held at the Wall. All the nations’ leaders were there. You may remember when that actually happened? It didn’t go well.

There’s another point of view here, though. I don’t remember if there was any TAP TAP TAPping going on last time, but here we see Lux and the Maoist communicating with each other in Morse code while the “adults” do their talking.

“Can we talk?” taps out The Maoist.
“No,” taps out The Lux, “they will be listening – watching.”

Xiaolian is making her case for war. Yada yada yada.

“You have orders,” taps out Maoist.
“From the new Mao?” taps out Lux.
“Yes,” taps out Maoist, “she wants conflict. Discord. War.”

Only one out of three on the names of the Horsemen, but we can study and take a retest. They’re not Conflict and Discord. Maybe they’re some cousins that no one wants to talk about. (!)

“I have a bomb,” taps out Lux.
“Is that why the old man smells like you?” taps out Maoist, referring to Peter Graves, a representative of the Union.
“Yes, I had my hand inside him earlier,” taps out Lux.

Gross. Anyway, we all know what happens next.

Yum! Dinner is served, everyone!

So, yes, when this happened in Issue #12, everyone thought Xiaolian made this happen after LeVay called her an “impetuous child”, and when the Representative-Go-Boom happened, Lux was the only one smiling. And she was the only one who knew that Xiaolian didn’t do it. IT WAS ALL RIGHT THERE! NINE ISSUES AGO! What the fuck, Jonathan Hickman? I don’t want any planning in my comic book plots! That’s not allowed!

In the Room of Nudity, Maoist and Lux embrace each other. “If you can protect me… I’ll do whatever you want,” she says. All sorts of nude. Some incredible nudeness. I’m not putting the image here, though! Buy the comic!

“You hear everything and it reduces you to nothing.”

Council members of the Endless Nation Board of Making-People-Do-What-We-Say have a meeting in their Situation Room, in which an entire wall shows footage of the Maoist and Lux fucking profusely. “Look at them!” snarls a leader of the council. Presumably. He’s gritting his teeth the hardest and that’s all I have to go off of at the moment.

“Look at what?” asks a councilwoman, “I see a loyalist. An amoral statist whose only ethos is the ‘greater good’. We’ve seen this before. It’s predictable. To be expected.”

Seen what, pray tell? A penis going in and out of a vagina on Earth’s largest TV screen? Because that’s what we’re all seeing here, lady! Watch! *rewinds tape* SEE??!? *rewinds tape* *rewinds tape* *rewinds tape*

I’m so mad… so fucking mad… my Endless Nation safety goggles are fogging up!

This guy, Bodaway, he is FLABBERGASTED that the rest of the room can’t see this for what it is. A big charade! Political theater! A minstrel show of biblical proportions!

“Speak for yourself, brother. All I see is an agent turning an asset. If the PRA are our allies, how can this be a bad thing?” pipes in Councilwoman of the Council of the Cool Council Kids.

Her name is Niteesh. WELL, Niteesh, it’s unwise to dismiss any suspicions when it comes to the House of Mao. Did you SEE what Xiaolian did to her sister and father? Well, I didn’t, but SOMEONE did!

A councilman shares Bodaway’s concerns, albeit less enraged. He slumps. “All of this feels like a mistake.”

Mr. Shaman agrees too, especially since everything is statistically unpredictable right now. Just a 500-gallon balloon filled with shit and no one knows where it’s going to land.

Niteesh stands her ground. This is the Endless Nation’s own doing. They wasted all their resources infiltrating Texas and hacking Ted Cruz III into tiny little pieces and for what exactly? Needing to rely on an alliance with the House of Mao to survive? Pish posh! What’s really different right now than it was when the alliance was agreed upon by, oh I don’t know, the entire council? Huh? Checkmate, Bitchcakes.

“Ack!” indeed, Cathy.

“EVERYTHING!” screams Mr. Snarls. The House of Mao could be in cahoots with the Union, you don’t know. Nobody knows! Being completely batshit paranoid is the only answer right now!

*rewinds tape*

Everyone stares at this guy. The consensus is “fuck you, we have to move forward with what we have been given, no turning back now, join or get out or die or live or whatever, who cares”.

Sounds like all this technology has clouded everyone’s minds. Everyone is deaf to the reality of the world. The hums and dins of robots and machines and food processors. What happened to our roots? OUR ROOTS! “Have you forgotten even this, Narsimha?” Bodaway bellows.

I don’t think I’ve ever named the Chief of the Endless Nation before. His name is Narsimha!

“We’ve known each other thirty years, Bodaway… Have I ever struck you as a man whose feet touch the ground?”

Why, yes, he supposes that thought has crossed his mind once or twice over the last 10,000+ days. However, as it seems, the answer is yes? Is that right?? Sir??

Next we see Narsimha traverse the desolate wastelands of Heetse’isi’ on his super-powered rocket car and into the Sea of Bones. The Sea of Bones is empty today, my friends, and Narsimha is less than pleased. “Hrmpt. Either show yourself, or I’ll summon you… I have the blood for it.”

Well, that’s not very nice. I thought we were buds.

No one needs summoning. Narsimha finds the creepy weirdo amongst the Bones. He says creepy weird things to him, like “come with us to the other side so you talk to any spirit you damn well wish any time you want, mortal”. He didn’t say that, but I did! There’s another creepy weirdo behind him.

Narsimha hits something on the side of his rocket car with his boot and it retracts some legs! Up on his high horse now! The creepy weirdos cannot reach him, and they are subsequently incinerated by Narsimha’s crazy…horse. Sorry.

A job well done! Narsimha relaxes with a cigarette and sleeps on his horse like Snoopy sleeps on his doghouse. While he dozes under the night sky, an entity named Nihnootheit approaches with his large muscles and his bird-like skull head to have a chat with the Chief.

Nihnootheit congratulates the Chief on making his appearance in the Sea of Bones during a full moon. Shit gets really nuts under full moons for sure. What bravery.

Your putrescence is ravishing. Let me guess… is that Giorgio Armani Beauty Acqua Di Gio Pour Homme??

“You…” Narsimha sniffs, “You’re wearing Cheveyo’s skin. Is my brother dead?” Hey, Chief, don’t you read any of the comics? Cheveyo got exploded in Issue #10! That was a while ago! Keep up.

Well, he’s sort of dead. Not entirely dead. He’s haunting houses and men from Texas these days. He was a smart man. Unlike you, Chiefy. You don’t even have a thimbleful of the kind of wisdom your bro had. That’s why your mom and dad liked him better! Also you’re adopted. And also your birth mother was a crack addict. And, also, so were you. Until you were 23. Anyway, bro was smart enough to remain on the earthly plane in some fashion. And quite dashingly, I might add.

So, Chief, where’s your wisdom, huh? Did you leave it at home, doofus? “Have your troubles finally put an end to you betraying your blood? Are you finally willing to pay for the things you need?”

Meh. No. The Endless Nation did everything on their own without the need for spiritual magicks and cosmic doodads!

“Huaarrk! Huaarrkk!” Nihnoocompoop chokes back what I can only assume is either laughter or a chicken bone, “Spoken like a boy who thinks every tomorrow is assured. What if I told you we looked into that tomorrow and saw your city fallen? What if I told you it could be saved with one simple tribute?”

Well hot dog, sir, you drive a hard bargain. We can see how that pans out later if none of us forget it between now and–

One day later, the Endless Nation council headed by Chief Snarly tells Lux to go home. She’s done here. Toodle-oo and whatnot. “Go home, Lux. Return there with our blessing. Go back to your Union. Go back with good news for President LeVay. A truce, hard fought for with a great many concessions.”

Lux shuffles away looking quite dejected.

Tell her I said “hi”. I’d love to get her recipe for snickerdoodles.

She is instructed to act loyal until the day the White Tower falls, and the Union along with it! A glorious day for the Endless Nation! Here’s your problem, Luxy: you should’ve called your little nation the Endless Union! That’s where you all done fucked up.

Lux and Maoist tap out their sad goodbyes:

“Be safe sister.”
“Will I see you again?”
“I will come for you. No matter what.”

Oh, he’ll come for her, all right. Right on the sheets.

Final Thoughts

Lux is going to stab LeVay right in the face with a rusty tent peg. She’s going to trick her into going camping, then STAB.

Taking advantage of LeVay’s love of camping. Is nothing sacred?