Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #12 – “Blüdhaven (Part 3)”! In the previous installment, Nightwing crashes a therapy session for former supervillains that have been traumatized by Batman and Robin. Nightwing feels bad about it, so he fucks off and spends an evening doing detective work as Nightwing instead of not doing detective work as Nightwing, eventually finding out that Gorilla Grimm is innocent of All Crimes.
Nightwing later returns for his own therapy and learns that the police hate him and want him out of town. Also, a group who calls themselves the Whale Enders want Nightwing out of town too, and they have a giant man-orca ready to fight if necessary.
Doesn’t that sound idiotic? I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #12 [March, 2017]
Written by: Tim Seeley
“Blüdhaven (Part 3)”
In a bad part of Blüdhaven, a beat cop asks a detective how long before a jerk “superhero” like Nightwing is going to take all their jobes. Detective Svoboda is skeptical that the nerd can save his own poop from the toilet. She walks into an apartment covered in graffiti where a dead man is bleeding out from a knife stuck in his chest.
“We need to talk,” says Nightwing, suddenly popping up right behind Svoboda and ready to contaminate her crime scene. It doesn’t matter; she’s already taken her photos and pinned this shit on the Defacer. Do you see the graffiti, sir??
The victim was named Robert Chapman, a D.A. with unproven ties to organized crime. Spraypaint + Murder = Defacer. ‘Nuff said, Nightwing. But the kid implores the detective to try harder. “You’ll find that something just isn’t sitting right,” he says as he whisks himself away again.
Swinging around town, Nightwing points out to us that he’s only been in Blüdhaven for three days and already he’s seen two murders and an ad campaign about him. Which is worse, he doesn’t know! But he’s going to start having to make friends if he’s going to prove the innocence of Defacer and Grimm. You know, instead of just fucking off back to Gotham and staying out of it completely.
Nightwing visits Jimmy Nice’s residence in the dead of night. The robed man doesn’t seem to mind too much that Nightwing found out where he lives, but hey, want to go to a bar? No? Then come on it.
“The police took Shawn in for questioning,” Nightwing tells him as he storms into the house both importantly and dramatically. “She’s a suspect in another murder…” It is suspected that someone is trying to frame the Run-Offs one by one until they’re all rotting behind bars like so much old fruit. “And they can’t fight because no one trusts them.”
WHADDAYA WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?? thinks Jimmy “Nice”. Nah, I’m kiddin’. That guy is super nice. When Nightwing asks to use his connections to make sure Shawn gets a good lawyer, he’s more than happy to help. Then Nightwing needs a meeting with the rest of the Run-Offs. Then he needs a steak and one of them Blüdhaven prostitutes if’n you got any extry.
If it makes you feel better, Jimmy, she was probably screaming her head off while you were careening off of a bridge at 120mph!
Fuck your feelings right now, Nightwing. Jimmy wants to spill his guts about his own path to the dark side, so can the chatter and listen up. Six years ago he was driving with his girlfriend, Jami. He was a swimming pool of drugs, alcohol, and rock and roll. Needless to fucking say, he drove off a bridge like an asshole and killed Jami.
Jimmy works with the Run-Offs because it reminds him that he’s not really a horrible person. But maybe these Run-Offs are actually horrible people. Ask yourself, Nightwing: are they innocent, or do you just want them to be innocent?
After blah-blah-blahing for a couple of panels, Nightwing tells Jimmy that, well, Shawn is innocent at any rate. And the others… well, keep in mind that they left Gotham to get away from the likes of Batman and Nightwing. “At best, they’re afraid of you. At worst, they hate your guts.”
The next morning, Grayson is being friendly and avuncular to the Troubled Teens at the Haven Community Center. After the session, as he waves goodbye to everyone out front, Tourism Cherry runs up to the steps talking a mile a minute. “I heard the ward of Bruce Wayne was giving his time, just like the big billionaire. Maybe Mr. Wayne would like to donate some of his money here. We’re not so different from Gotham. We have a superhero now, too. And villains. I heard about the counselor here who used to be one. I guess she got pulled in for murder? So scary.”
We also spliced him into some of Blüdhaven raunchiest pornography.
Grayson reminds Cherry that Shawn is just a suspect and no charges have been filed. Cherry tells him that it doesn’t matter; she was taken into custody and now the city has a reason to feel safer! That’s what it’s all about, right? The illusion of safety? Anyway, bye! And if you see Nightwing, tell him that there’s a job for him at the Tourism Office.
I’m sure we’ll see Nightwing pushing paper there soon enough. For now, he holds a meeting with the Run-Offs who seem very reluctant to be there. In fact, they’re there for no other reason than for Shawn and Grimm. Not piss-pants Nightwing, that’s for sure.
Nightwing gets right down to brass tacks: he needs to know everything about this “conspiracy” that Mouse mentioned in passing last time. Mouse looks sheepish and then starts spilling the beans. Grimm mentioned that Paulie Paterno offered him a job. He took the offer because he was undergoing major financial problems. The monkey needed to afford more monkey underwear, if you can believe it.
But first there was a meeting with Paterno, mobbed-up lawyer Robert Chapman, and real estate magnate Carter Forsyth. Very suspicious, and Grimm wondered what they needed him for. Well, he had arms dealing experience. Between him, Paterno’s trucks, Forsyth’s laundering, and Chapman’s contacts with the Second Hand… well, do the math, son. Cha-ching, baby. Greenbacks as far as the eye can see.
The Second Hand specializes in dangerous, nasty, alien weapons. The kind that are used to fight big, burly, scary superheroes with big, burly, scary superpowers.
Grimm tells them no because that’s not his scene anymore, baby. Well, the getaway is not too clean. The men start arguing about needing an outside man or else their “silent partner” will be pissed off. And other Run-Offs were contacted with similar results. Eventually, Paterno gets whacked and now Chapman is worm food.
The speculation here is that Forsyth is mad that everything is falling apart and may be involved in these retaliations. After this three-minute meeting, Nightwing storms out with the intention of going to the Marcus Casino to talk to Forsyth about what he knows.
Before Nightwing leaves, the Stallion stops him for a little emotional outpouring that is, frankly, quite sickening. Then he lets Nightwing know that he knows some guys who took the job. “And, well, they’re some bad hombres. Shawn was protecting us from you, but, well, right now, you need someone to protect you from a royal ass-stompin’.”
In short, the Run-Offs are all offering to help Nightwing. You know why? Because he left Gotham to come to Blüdhaven. “He’s one of us now,” says Mouse. “He’s a Run-Off.” It’s all very touching.
Way to run away from Gotham scared, ya pussy.
At the Marcus Casino (or, rather, the Marcus Casino construction site), Forsyth is hurriedly cramming documents into his briefcase with the intention of flying to Nassau. Or Tahiti. Or Wisconsin. Wherever. Anywhere but Blüdhaven. He is interrupted by a big punch at the door, and Stallion lets himself in. “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM BLUH BLUH BLUH” is what Forsyth says, basically, and Nightwing comes in to be the intimidator! “You’re the guy who’s going to tell us who killed Paulie Paterno and Robert Chapman,” he says with his squeaky voice. The rest of the Run-Offs come in saying stuff like “yeah!”
Forsyth denies everything. Then a sudden THOOM… THOOM… THOOM signals the approach of something large and sinister. “You shouldn’t have come here, Nightwing,” it says. And yes, you guessed it. It’s the stupid shark guy. The one from the cover. Spoiler alert, ladies and gentlemen.
Grace Balin. The Orca. A woman, apparently. “She’s the former member Jimmy mentioned. The Run-Offs’ run-off. Former marine biologist who spliced her own DNA with that of a killer whale to repair spinal cord injuries.
Good thing she’s out of Gotham and out of the water. Nightwing’s got the upper hand! Whoops! He gets whacked upside the head by the Orca’s goons. Stallion tries to grab onto the Orca, but he’s literally like a third of her size. Then the other Run-Offs enter the fray. And what a fray it is! I’ve never seen such a fray! Fray fray fray.
Mouse tries to force a confession out of the Orca, tries to make her feel all bad and stupid for leaving the Run-Offs in the first place. The Orca denies killing Paterno and Chapman, setting up Shawn and Grimm, and calls the Run-Offs a gaggle of losers who accomplish nothing but “slick moral preening”.
Eventually, the Orca is subdued by earphones cranked to 300 decibels. Sound processes as visual images to the likes of whales, and they beach themselves if sounds are loud enough! Consider the Orca thoroughly beached. Good going, friends. The Run-Offs all celebrate and hug.
“I n-never… wanted to hurt you guys,” the Orca snivels pathetically in a small voice. “I j-just wanted… wanted to make my new friends h-happy. I did what they asked… even though I knew they were using me.”
Too bad that Forsyth flew the coop during all the distraction. He gets killed by a devil demon riding a motorcycle for some reason.
“There are worse monsters in these seas than me,” says the Orca.
Indeed.
Final Thoughts
This Orca nonsense was some stupid shit and I’m glad it’s over. Now we can move onto the real Big Bads. Like capitalism and cosmic rays. The stuff that’ll really kill ya.
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