Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: East of West, Issue #22 – “A Moment of Silence”! In the previous installment, we find out that Doma Lux has the capacity to love and it’s quite unsettling. A flashback from a different perspective, it is revealed that Lux was the one who killed Union representative Peter Graves (and not the pilot from the Airplane! movie) during the diplomatic meeting of the heads of the nations. It’s really quite poetic if, like me, you don’t have a concept of real poetry!

Chief Narsimha travels to the Sea of Bones to gain some perspective after a tense meeting with his council. The Endless Nation shouldn’t be cavorting with the PRA or the Union or anyone! Craziness! They send Lux back home alive with the instruction to feign loyalty as they plan to destroy the White Tower and the Union along with it.

Anyone up for a game of Connect Four? This shit is too bleak! Gotta have some fun once in a while.

East of West, Issue #22 [December, 2015]
Written by: Jonathan Hickman
“A Moment of Silence”

“It never stops. The cycle of power, greed, and revenge.”

Yes, yes, yes. Nihilism, defeatism, pessimism. Even I get tired of that once in a while.

“When they come for you, it will be where you feel safest. In your home, in your bed, in your sleep.”

A large freight container zooms in the sky along a river leading to a large city. The docks are loaded up with an unfathomable amount of stacks of containers. Among the stacks, the flying container finds one single empty hole. It nestles in.

An individual with glasses walks along a catwalk high in the stacks with his little Blackberry phone. He finds a secret door in the container, enters it, and sits in a large chair in front of a super-futuristic whiz-bang computer console. He’s swiping stuff around with his fingers on the holographic screen. The 2065 version of Tinder. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left.

Behind him, a group of men and women in their undergarments start shuffling out of makeshift hole-in-the-wall beds and cots. There’s even a little shower in this room! This is my kind of living, honestly. All I need is a TV loaded up with eight streaming services and freezer full of chicken nuggets and I’m a happy fuckin’ guy!

Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum! Let’s move move move move move! btw we’re all out of bubblegum.

The computer nerd initiates a countdown sequence that starts at one hour. He gives a thumbs up after the crew behind him puts on their riot ninja gear. The crew MOVES ON OUT OF THERE!

After 13 minutes, the group kills two guards at the House of Mao.

Between 21 and 27 minutes, they scale the curvy, pointy roof of a House of Mao bathhouse and work on cutting through to enter the building. They drop ropes to the floor and scurry down.

One shoots a barrage of ninja stars from his face mask and kills two women in robes. They continue moving through the bathhouse to look for their real target.

They discover a large, empty bed in the middle of a room. Pillows rumpled. Sheets pulled back. They keep moving.

After 41 minutes, they find Xiaolian nude in a spa pool with three servants around the pool’s edge. A ninja dude pulls out his bow and starts launching arrows. The servants leap into the pool for cover, but it’s no use. They die face down in the water while Xiaolian looks up from the bottom of the pool in shock.

As Mr. Bowman slinks around the pool looking for Xiaolian, she leaps up and snaps the dude’s neck with an aggressive twist with her super-strong metal hands. There’s not even a cool comic book onomatopoeia like “SNAP!” or “GRRMPP!” She just twists silently and he’s dead. She looks rather smug about it. She wraps her legs around his neck and flips him backwards into the pool.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Modesty.

As to be expected, some Kill Bill happens wherein Xiaolian single handedly takes out these assassins. She stops swords with her impenetrable hands, she kicks and stabs and punches, she has her hella nipples showing. Wholesome action-packed goodness! Bring the kids! Eventually, she shoves the hilt through an assassin’s mouth, breaking his teeth, then shoves the pointy end into his chest.

Two down, four to go. Snapped-neck assassin floats in the pool, which is now completely red with blood, along with the three dead servants. Broken-teeth-stabbed-chest assassin lies crumpled at Xiaolian’s feet.

Xiaolian bends the sword with her strong-ass meathooks and breaks it into two jagged-ended pieces. Two unlucky assassins get the brunt of her quick sword-stabbin’ and hackin’ and slashin’. Now there’s two.

After 52 minutes, which was some Uvalde levels of police incompetence, Xioalian’s guards hussle up and burst down the door.

Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to interrupt your striptease.

The guards start firing on the two surviving assassins as if the world were ending; as if it were the Apocalypse; as if were the Apocalypse: Year Two (Electric Boogaloo). The assassins haul ass and leap out a window. The guards follow suit.

Landing on the ground and looking behind them, the assassins hesitate as guards up the wazoo land on their feet one by one and train their guns on them.

An assassin lifts his hand, revealing a trigger. The other assassin – the last assassin – heads for the hills. Guards start blasting Mr. Trigger at point blank range, but it’s too late. His thumb had hit the button as his dismembered appendage fell to the ground.

BOOM and whatnot. Then silence. I mean, this whole issue has been silence. Ain’t no talkin’ in this issue. But it’s silent now. You know what I mean.

3 minutes remain.

The last assassin shuffles back to Freight Container HQ where the computer nerd waits. They look at each other for a moment.

With 13 seconds remaining, Computer Nerd takes out the Blackberry phone, which happens to double as a gun, and pulls the trigger.

I think he’s trying to type “Fair-weather friends, I bid you adieu!”

The only letters we Sunglasses type are shown above. A House of Mao guard storms it right as Sunglasses sends the message. Then he takes the Blackberry gun and shoots himself under the chin.

The recipient of the message (“FAILURE”) is Archibald. He speaks the only words in the whole issue:

“Well now… I’m not gonna lie… This’ll most certainly complicate things.”

Final Thoughts

Woop woop, everyone. Xiaolian not dying is most certainly going to complicate things. I’m not gonna lie.

This marks the very first almost-no-words comic book I have read. I’ve been wondering when that was going to happen.