So how about that! Elektra didn’t drop Ween even after the 55-minute tender jerk-off session that was Pure Guava! Good for them, I like to think that Ween made Chocolate and Cheese as an apology for Pure Guava and that they promised to start playing nice.

Chocolate and Cheese is Ween’s rock and roll album. And that succinct description, my friends, is something I’m not happy with, but it’ll have to do. Ween’s fourth record is absolutely impossible to nail down in two or three words; for the most part, it’s a maturely-crafted collection of sixteen fleshed out tracks of music spanning equally as many styles, tones, and genres. Unlike the first three albums, or even at least the next three albums, there is no overarching theme, no overarching feeling, and no two songs are the same. It doesn’t even do it justice to describe Chocolate and Cheese in words, really, but I’ll try anyway.

First of all, Ween decided to finally use a real studio for their recording purposes so Chocolate and Cheese will prove to be their first highly-polished and professional-sounding offering ever! It’s amazing what kind of magic they’re able to perform with just a guitar and drum machine. Reasons for the decision to use a studio are unclear, since they had access when they signed onto Elektra a year earlier for Pure Guava, but you can’t complain about the results. Cheap recording equipment worked ok before, but I believe that these songs would not be as powerful as they are if they were muddied in lo-fi recording artifacts. Case in point is the opener “Take Me Away”, which would completely lose its charm if it sounded like a bedroom recording, but I’m ahead of myself already. Better production = big win!

Second of all, starting with Chocolate and Cheese the already-fuzzy lines become even blurrier when it comes to trying to understand Ween’s songwriting intentions. Before, their sense of humor and their antics were pretty much laid out on the table. Now it’s harder to tell a lot of the time, and I believe, without a fraction of doubt, that this is also the result of the increased production values. You’ll start to ask yourself questions like: Are they being serious or are they being funny? Are they paying tribute earnestly or are they poking fun? Do they actually like the music they’re playing or are they just being derisive? Are they putting a lot of effort into this or did they barely try? Are they geniuses or are they getting lucky? The answer to all these questions is: Yes! Case in point is the opener “Take Me Away” which would come across as completely insincere if it sounded like a bedroom recording, but I’m ahead of myself yet again! Better production = mysterious intent! And as a dyed-in-the-wool asshole Ween fan I adore this aspect of the band, because no other band in the world meshes together so seamlessly the jokey, sarcastic, satirical shit with the heartfelt, genuine, musically competent shit. This particular album is where the band really starts to become something special. This particular album is where Ween finally carved out their lasting identity.

Enough of that, though, let me finally talk about “Take Me Away”! This song sounds exactly like some Elvis or Tom Jones-style Vegas act. The lyrics are carefully crafted to lack profoundness (“She took my love away/She took it to another man/Now I gotta get away from that girl/Before I go craaaaaaaazy!“), the singing is carefully delivered to sound like some washed-up, soulless Las Vegas stage veteran giving it all he’s got, and the studio track is even punctuated with fake smatterings of polite applause and Gener saying “thank you!” between verses. Had this been recorded using their shitty 4-track cassette these additional touches wouldn’t have at all made a difference; it wouldn’t have sounded authentic, plain and simple.

To me, that’s where the real charm of Chocolate and Cheese comes from. All these authentically-recorded tracks make the record sound like a grab-bag compilation disc of the best singles from 16 different artists. You get all the chocolate AND all the cheese! “Freedom of ’76” is a Philly soul track which honors Philadelphia and showcases Gener’s incredible un-altered high-pitched vocal range, “A Tear For Eddie” pays tribute to P-Funk guitar hero Eddie Hazel with some of Deaner’s own emotional guitarwork, “Baby Bitch” continues the saga of Gener’s breakup (see “Birthday Boy” off of GodWeenSatan: The Oneness) with a beautiful melody and bitter, somber lyrics (“Fuck you you stinkin-ass ho“), “Joppa Road” has a hazy, indie folk-style serenity with some tasty-ass bass! And these are just four tracks of emotionally-sincere music.

Other highlights include the creepy, psych-pop fever dream of “Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)” complete with backwards guitar licks and distorted dying-child vocals (“Sticky vaseline, mommy!“), the snake-y, hypnotic Middle Eastern-tinged “I Can’t Put My Finger On It” with its trippy, dreamy beach sounds between verses, and the seven-minute murder ballad epic spaghetti-western saga of “Buenas Tardes Amigo”, which has zero progression over its duration (except for the dramatic and kickass showdown-at-the-O.K.-Corral instrumental bridge) but is all the better for it! There’s also the super slick, over-produced pop-happy “Roses are Free” and the mesmerizing “Voodoo Lady”, both are my personal picks for the two best tracks.

Honestly, I can’t just sit here and name all of it. Every single song on here has something to offer except for a couple of minor gripes. “Candi” is largely superfluous, and it feels like a polished-up cutting room floor version of the type of antics you’d expect on The Pod or Pure Guava (a plinky, stagnant melody with monotone delivery of lyrics like “Candi…/Custard and berry…/Candi…/Peaches and cream…“, ho-hum, been there done that). “The HIV Song” is immaturely cute, but more of the same (a plinky, stagnant melody with monotone delivery of “HIV” and “AIDS” in the dead air between the instrumental phrases. The song is catchy! Get it?!?!). Other than that, it’s all very enjoyable! The melodies are all extremely simple, but the strength is phenomenal. Most of these songs could get stuck in your head for years.

Future releases would be more cohesive with themes, but Chocolate and Cheese is probably the best album out there of its kind. You’ve got your David Bowies and your Frank Zappas and your They Might Be Giantseseses, of course, but find me an album by any of them, or anyone else, as simultaneously consistent and diverse as this one! You can’t! ……hey, did someone out there say The White Album by the Beatles?? GRRRR! FUCK YOU! I like this one better anyway. It’s weirder and funnier.

Plus this one’s got titties on the cover.

VERY GOOD