Waiting… (2005)

Tagline:
What happens in the kitchen ends up on the plate.

Wide Release Date:
October 7, 2005

Directed by:
Rob McKittrick
Written by:
Rob McKittrick
Produced by:
Robert O. Green, Jeff Balis, Jay Rifkin, Adam Rosenfelt, Stavros Merjos, Malcolm Petal

Starring:
Ryan Reynolds
Anna Faris
Justin Long
David Koechner
John Francis Daley
Kaitlin Doubleday
Alanna Ubach
Chi McBride
Luis Guzmán

PREGAME THOUGHTS

The first movie I saw when I became a man! By that I mean, I turned 18 the same month that Waiting… was released to theaters and my sister and her boyfriend/now-husband visited me at college. We went to go see it. I remember loving the shit out of this, but maybe a lot of it had to do with going to the movies with a couple of twentysomethings and just enjoying life at the time.

It is now almost 18 years later, twice my age in 2005. Does Waiting… stand the test of time? Does Waiting… stand the test of BRAIN MATURITY? If applicable? I mean, you have read my blog, right? It’s an abomination of dick jokes and whining about nerd shit.

THE 350(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

Ensemble cast! The following young adults + Ryan Reynolds (Monty, the “cool” guy) and David Koechner (Dan, the arrogant middle manager) work at a chain restaurant called Shenaniganz: Dean (Justin Long, the normal guy dissatisfied with his life), Serena (Anna Faris, Monty’s ex-girlfriend with zero personality and character development), Amy (Kaitlin Doubleday, Dean’s girlfriend with zero personality and character development), Calvin (Robert Patrick Benedict, the wimp who is too nervous to pee in a public bathroom), Naomi (Alanna Uback, the explosively angry 5ft tall crazy lady, and Natasha (Vanessa Lengies, the super attractive 17-year-old hostess whom both Ryan Reynolds and David Koechner hit on for the whole movie). Is that everyone? Nope! Mitch (John Francis Daley, the new hire who barely gets to speak), Raddimus (Luis Guzmán, the cook who talks about penises and balls a lot), Bishop (Chi McBride, the wise dish washer/therapist), and Nick (Andy fucking Milonakis, holy shit man, talk about a complete who-cares-anymore). There’s other people too, but I’m done here.

Nothing but endless fun here at Shenaninanigananiganz!

The movie takes place over the course of a single day. Dean eats breakfast with his mother, who tells him a friend of his just graduated and got an engineering job. Feeling insecure, he spends the rest of the movie considering other career options. Monty is assigned to show Mitch the ropes, but basically just teaches him the ways of the restaurant staff’s constant sexual harassment for sport (the elaborate Penis Showing Game). The wait staff deals with a cavalcade of terrible customers. Hilarious antics abound. The cooks drop food on the floor constantly. That kind of thing. It’s a laugh riot.

Dan offers Dean a promotion to middle management, which he spends the day ruminating over. Dean waits on a group of businessmen, one of which spends his meal constantly complimenting his work ethic. He is excited to be offered a job only to find out that it’s just another restaurant. At the end of the day, Dean’s engineer friend (Chet) shows up to eat and they catch up a little bit. Dean is obviously very uncomfortable. When Chet leaves a $70 tip (“You look like you need it more than me”), which is the catalyst that causes Dean to confront Dan and quit his job.

The future is uncertain for Dean. John Francis Daley shows his dick and balls to a whole room of people at a party following the work day.

The end.

John Francis Daley does his famous rat impression. It looks very much like his normal resting face.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — General Movie Thoughts

This isn’t nearly as good as I remember, probably because I no longer have an 18-year-old brain and the only dick jokes I like are the ones that I make. They spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the Penis Game, which is funny at first until it isn’t funny anymore and then doesn’t get funny ever again. That, plus the whole kicking people in the ass and calling them a fag thing is hilarious when you’re a 12-year-old in 1999. Sad when it’s a bunch of thirtysomethings like Dane Cook. Or, like, in the year 2023. That aged like yo mama’s cheese.

Levity comes in the form of a bit of bawdy “bathroom humor”. I’m laughing very hard remembering this scene where a man yells at another man because he thinks he’s staring at his penis! Ha!

Roger Ebert’s review of the movie (RIP RIP RIP R.I.P. RIP RIP RIIIPPP) hits the nail on the head of how I feel about Waiting… all these years later: the characters don’t seem like people, they seem like characters who do what they do because they think it would be funny to do it in a movie. No substance! I, in fact, inadvertently boiled all their respective essences down to single phrases up top in the synopsis section.

This is Rob McKittrick’s only film, unless you count Still Waiting… which I do NOT. There’s not much floating out there about this sad-looking weirdo, but he did work at Bennigans in the town he grew up in. Two waiter buddies helped him write the script. Good for McKittrick for elevating himself above his station at the Bradenton, Florida Bennigans, but you can tell he spent most of his youth smoking pot and watching Beavis and Butthead.

Almost makes me want to write a movie. Ha!

TOPIC 2 — Jailbait, Baby

The subplot that really didn’t sit well with me, and seems ribald and icky even for 2005, was Reynolds and Koechner making advances on the underage hostess. Could’ve been worse, of course. The advances could have been portrayed as aggressive, and her reactions could have been portrayed as uncomfortable and scared! But, in the case of Monty, she was into it; in the case of Dan, she just fucked with him. And although her character turns 18 in less than a week, Ryan Reynolds was pushing 30 in 2005 and that’s gross. Get some 20-year-old hitting on the sexy hostess, then maybe we could have something that isn’t skeezy and weird.

The second I grow a mustache, I’ll let you ride it, sweetheart.

It reminds me of years upon years of “can’t wait until those Olsen twins turn 18” half-jokes that went on since the twins were, like 9. It’s fucking disgusting, man. Keep it in your pants. Go visit the To Catch a Predator house.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

Manager Dan’s full name, according to the diploma on the wall in his office, is Daniel Christopher Pratt. Actress Anna Faris later married then divorced Actor Chris Pratt, they have one child together.
THE CHIPS ARE ALL FALLING INTO PLACE LIKE SO MANY CHESS PIECE DOMINOS. I knew Chris Pratt was what brought this whole thing together! I had been Waiting… so long for the confirmation.

Alanna Ubach met Skyler Stone on set and they started dating while still filming.
Don’t shit where you eat, I always say, unless you work at Shenaniganz. Then, by all means, shit where everyone eats.

Dane Cook improvised all his character dialogue and name. There was no script given his total screen time of about three minutes, a cameo basically.
Guys, remember Dane Cook? *makes a farting sound with mouth that lasts for eternity*

Dane Cook, pictured here quickly losing his relevancy.

The ShenaniganZ restaurant was actually a converted Bennigan’s restaurant (hence the extreme similarities). It has since been completely renovated and is now a Verizon Wireless retail store.
They closed down the converted Bennigan’s?? The end of an era.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

Meh. This is still somewhat entertaining and timeless except for all the “gay faggot here are my balls” jokes, which comprise roughly 65% of the entire movie. If you can get past that, it’s an hour and a half that’s enjoyable enough, maybe. See it for free.