Rand’s hand is all messed up. Branded with the heron and it hurts. All wrapped up, Hurin and Loial ask what happened and Rand says “uhhh, I fell down the stairs.”

More walking through the weird, faded landscape. They come across a monument to Artur Hawkwing, which was supposed to have been toppled in their world. They approach the monument and discover words in a Trolloc language scrawled all over it. Hawkwing won the war against the Trollocs, so does this mean the Trollocs made him eat his own butt on a silver platter? Did the Trollocs win in this world? Is that why they’ve seen nobody around? But where are the Trollocs? Did they all make each other eat their own butts, too? So many useless questions!

Hurin sees what looks like a woman in white in the distance, which is similar to whom they all saw in that one ransacked and destroyed village. They approach and discover that the woman is trying to fend off a three-eyed creature called a grolm. Rand is able to call up saidin and shoot the thing right through its center eye with his bow and arrow. The woman, named Selene, congratulates him on a job well done. Good boy.

The woman is so dang beautiful that Rand pops a permanent boner. Hurin and Loial approach and they, too, pop their respective boners. Selene kneels before Rand and thanks him profusely for saving her life, and I’m guessing her head is close enough to Rand’s crotch that he blushes and thinks dirty, sinful thoughts.

Selene is from Cairhien, and claims that she was riding her horse in the real world. She took a nap and woke up in this strange alternate universe. She asks Rand to help bring her home, and Rand is like “look, lady, we’re on a quest. Wait until after we’re done and maybe we’ll think about it.” She asks about the quest, and Hurin starts rattling off everything about the Horn of Valere that one could possibly want to know about it! It’s like, slow your roll, bro. That’s your boner talking.

They’re just about to shove off when about five more grolm show up to eat them or fuck them or whatever nefarious intentions they may have. End chapter.

I don’t trust the Selene lady one fucking bit. She’s going to turn into a weird wisp of smoke and infiltrate Rand’s lungs and make him breathe the taint. Inhale the taint. Be one with the taint.