If you thought there was nothing that Ween could possibly do that could confuse, confound, and throw their established fans a curve ball baseball-style right out of left field not even in the ball park STEEEEEEE-RIKE!, it’s their entirely country fifth studio album 12 Golden Country Greats. For the first, and only, time in their career, the Ween boys stick to one genre for an entire album. Ben Vaughn, Ween’s producer and friend, was working with Nashville country music artists at the time. The band thought it would be a good idea for Vaughn to produce their faithful send-up to country music. They even got a handful of real country musicians for their recording sessions. This whole project was seen through from beginning to end without any hesitations or backing out. It’s wild.

On a personal note, as someone who used to be one of those “everything but rap and country”-type kids a lifetime ago, I made a deal with myself that I was never going to bother listening to this album. Then, eventually, when I caught up on all the other Ween albums, curiosity got the best of me and I decided to grin and bear it. I remember hating it at first since the countryfied Ween sense of humor was still, in the end, entirely too countryfied to make it worth it to me. However, I was oddly drawn to it, almost like Gener and Deaner took country music as a whole and made it their own for 32 minutes and 37 seconds. It’s like they were able to command full control over it. And, to me, it felt like Ween was observing country music under a microscope, dissecting it, and documenting their experiences with it instead of, for lack of a better phrase at the moment, “becoming one with it”. Bleh. Because I was an engineering student at the time, this analytical approach that I projected onto the band resonated with me, and I was able to open my mind.

I found out years later that Gener and Deaner were genuinely interested in making this music and it wasn’t just some snarky longform inside joke like I had originally hoped for, but hey, the ends justify the means! I don’t hate this album anymore, and because Ween hit all the diverse major country music styles over the course of 10 songs on 12 Golden Country Greats, I can at least say I came from this learning that country music wasn’t all trucks, smelly cowboy hats, beer with the boys, achy breaky hearts, and gross fratboy bros! But enough about me, BO-O-O-O-O-RING, how about the actual album?

For 12 Golden Country Greats, Gener and Deaner, via Ben Vaughn, were able to recruit a whole slew of established Nashville country musicians such as Bobby Ogdin, Pig Robins, Buddy Spicher, and Charlie McCoy. These names mean nothing to me, maybe they mean something to you, but they were loyal enough to Ween that some of them even toured with the live band. Gene and Dean barely even play on this album; just one or two solos, and the rest of the music was performed entirely by the session musicians. For years, the name of the album was a topic of conversation and speculation. Gener has stated that the “12” represents the number of musicians that appear on the record, but later admitted that he made that up to cover up the fact that there are only 10 songs. The real explanation is that there were originally 12 songs on the album, but “So Long Jerry” and “I’ve Got No Darkside” were omitted from the final pressing and the album art was already finalized. Oh well.

The sequencing of the tracklist could have benefited from better alternating the slow, soulful tunes with the faster, energetic tunes. That being said, pretty much every country song style is represented. Since I’m just as well-versed in country music as James Hetfield’s dick, I can only do so much to describe this shit! “I’m Holding You” starts off slow and serious (at least semi-serious) with a fine, authentic-sounding country ballad. Gene, who is always vocally gifted at emulating anybody he wants to be, sounds like a real swaggerin’ cowboy as he plays it straight through the whole track. “And I’m holding something more precious than fine ore, baby/I’m holding you“. How oddly sweet. Next is “Japanese Cowboy”, which shares a similar melody to “Chariots of Fire” (Ween plays both as a medley during live shows). It uses racial stereotypes as a metaphor for a failing relationship! “Like a Japanese cowboy/Or a brother on skates/Like a blizzard in Georgia/Or a train running late/I call out your name girl/In the heat of the night/And nobody answers/’Cause something ain’t right“. Now does it make sense? Ween make sure to add in some relatable blue-collar everyman-type imagery. “Breakfast at Shoney’s at $2.99/Saved me some money and eased up my mind“. This is what country music is all about, huh? Cheap breakfasts? Sounds good to me.

I suppose I could keep going through the tracklist and pointing out the positives, of which there are many, but only two more really highishly high highlights are eft as far as I’m concerned: “Piss Up a Rope”, a rare Deaner song, is a vulgar, slightly misogynistic yet effervescent and hilarious ditty about a guy fed up with his wife/girlfriend. “And you can put on your shoes/Hit the road, get truckin’!” makes me laugh every time. “You Were the Fool” is an absolutely gorgeous, atmospheric and melancholy ballad that sounds to me like more of a James Taylor-esque folky singer-songwriter tune than a country tune (if it weren’t for the heavy use of the slide guitar, that is). It ends with a calm, sorrowful country jam that truly transports you to a rural landscape. “You Were the Fool” is worth the price of admission alone, and it’s largely the reason I come back to 12 Golden Country Greats in the first place.

Then there’s the stuff that’s a miss. “I Don’t Want to Leave You on the Farm” and “Help Me Scrape the Mucus Off My Brain” are both interchangeable and one-note. “Fluffy”, the closer, is a slow, sad, not-really-country anyway song that sounds more like Ween fucking around in the old days, except with more sophisticated instruments and equipment instead of drum machines and 4-track recorders. I think it’s Deaner singing again, as he usually does when the dumb-guy stuffed nose vocals are needed. “Fluffy…Furry buddy…Chewed his leg on the porch…Why’d you do it?… Fluffy…On the porch.” Funny on paper, but it drags.

It makes me wonder if any real country fans like this album. Ween fans love it as the album that “got them to appreciate country”, but do these people move on to start sampling some more of the deceptively varied genre? This album certainly caused me to sneer less at any country-tinged song I happen to come across, although I still think I have a long way to go. Do the Meat Puppets count? The Cramps? Mojo Nixon? Yeah, I have a long way to go.

JUST OK