Every time Charlie Kirk said something racist and stupid, his face shrank closer to oblivion.

What is even going on anymore?

No, seriously. It all seemed to start on 9/10/2025 (neva 4get) when resident racist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic bigot Charlie Kirk was shot by a big, beautiful, Black, transgendered, liberal American patriot. He wrote memes like “i can haz cheezburger” and “wat” and “orly” on the bullets like some sort of Asperger’s-affected virgin loser who has clocked 45,000 hours on Minecraft. His name is Tyler Robinson and he shot Charlie Kirk in the neck from 200 feet with nothing but a straw with a spitball in it. Kirk’s jugular exploded all over the first four rows of his audience, drowning them in Type A+ blood. And they were happier for it. 99% of conservatives didn’t even know who this douchebag was on 9/9/2025, and now the collective group of chuds are hailing Kirk as if he were some sort of war hero immaculately conceived by Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson. 90,000 people went to his funeral to watch politicians shill their agendas while no real friends or family members were in sight. They want to erect statues in his large-headed honor. They want to put his fat face on American currency. Millions want to line up to suck his little corpse dick. It’s all very fucking bizarre.

I’ve been having imaginary arguments with my mother recently about this. I don’t know for sure if she’s starting to revere Charlie Kirk as the Martyred Voice of Extremely Bigoted Conservative America, but I’m willing to bet my two left nuts that she is all in on this. I mean, she has all the trappings of a dyed-in-the-wool MAGA conservative right down to the Trump-fellatin’. Of course–OF COURSE–she loves a dead racist that she has only heard about three weeks ago, because her side is telling her to. That’s what makes it all so much more frustrating. This guy is on record having said awful, ugly things like “gay people should be stoned” and “Martin Luther King, Jr. was not a good man” and “The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was a huge mistake” and “women should submit to their husbands” and “it’s scary to see a black person flying a plane” and “vaccine requirements are medical apartheid” and “Muslims only came to America to destabilize Western civilization” and countless others. This guy is the conservative hero? That means they’re either pretending he didn’t say any of these things, they don’t care that he said any of these things, or much worse, they agree with all of it.

Not pictured: Matt “Beavis” Gaetz.

So not only are Charlie Kirk butt plugs being rolled out into the market as we speak, but suddenly he’s a sacred cow. We can’t say anything mean about Charlie Kirk or else we’ll get fired from our jobs and launched into the sun. And thus, Jimmy Kimmel Live! was “indefinitely” canceled because, as the claim goes, he said inappropriate things about Charlie Kirk’s death. What he actually said was as follows: “The MAGA gang are desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it.” Which means he (rightfully) pointed out that Tyler Robinson is a far-right nutcase and that, yes, the entire MAGA movement, including everyone in the current administration, is trying to score political points off of it. They’re using Charlie Kirk’s death as a means to demonize a nebulous entity that they are calling “the radical left” and enforcing policy and decisions based around it. Hence Jimmy Kimmel’s canceling by ABC/Disney after pressure from the FCC in an illegal and unconstitutional act. And then they tried to extort him by setting terms of his reinstatement that involved a) an apology, and b) donating money to Charlie Kirk’s grift fund. So even people who dislike Jimmy Kimmel started canceling their Disney+ subscriptions out of spite for these government assholes taking a giant greasy shit on the Bill of Rights. It worked, because Jimmy Kimmel Live! returned about six days later without a fucking apology or a fucking donation.

While all this was happening, Trump started threatening Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers, two of the most milquetoast late-night talk show hosts to have ever graced the airwaves. This Trump buttfucker is starting to just say things out loud for his cronies to carry out. I’m not one for using the word “fascist” or comparing Trump to Hitler because it has been watered down to the point where conservatives will just laugh it off like the idiot assholes that they are, but MAGA are a bunch of fascists and Trump is like America’s Hitler. Luckily, Trump backed off because it’s a terrible idea to piss off billionaires who stand to lose money from boycotts and loss of ad revenue. But it still doesn’t change the fact that America sucks right now, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get better anytime soon.

And what’s all this for? Probably to draw attention away from the Epstein files, which has been recently revealed to contain travel records from Elon Musk and, most assuredly, will be revealed to contain travel records from Trump himself. Donald Trump, the billionaire pedophile rapist sex trafficker. God, I’ve riled myself up completely. I’m going to go take my pills and eat some spaghetti.

Oh wait, this Bill Maher tweet pissed me off the other day:

Excuse me, sir? “Loony woke shit” vs. “Slide into autocracy”? What fucking country am I living in where people like Bill Maher think that these two issues are equivalent problems? Eat my entire butthole.

So, my friends, when we’re deep in the throes of the Fourth Reich and I can’t even play loony woke shit like Cyberpunk 2077 anymore, I’ll see you all in hell. It’ll probably be better than whatever the fuck is going to happen to America in the next three years.