Dead.

Not really. He would have wanted it that way, though. Maybe? Who cares.

Here’s the quickest of obligatory information for anyone who doesn’t know, and is unfortunate enough to is learn it from me of all people: Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka died last week. He was just some unremarkable guy, really.

Here’s a slightly longer paragraph about that: Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka was the founder of Something Awful, a website that pioneered, contributed to, or influenced every single incredibly online funny thing that has ever existed on the internet after 1999. Your favorite funny website is no exception to this. Your favorite oh-so-fucking-hilarious memes, your favorite ranting spazz Youtube videos, your favorite Twittery tweets. Everything. And almost all of it was pure, dumb luck.

Here’s an even longer paragraph about that: Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka was a tragic figure. He started Something Awful as a personal website because he hated that there was nowhere on the internet at the time that ridiculed other things on the internet quite as well as he wanted to ridicule things on the internet. He was pretty good at ridiculing things on the internet. As years went by, he and the website got older, its glory days (~2004 – 2008) were becoming a fading memory, and although he likely had trillions of opportunities to grow the website and community with the times, he was a lazy piece of shit and didn’t do it. Slowly throughout the ’10s, it became more and more clear that he was actually a completely deplorable human being in his personal life: physically and emotionally abusive to his many wives, to his many girlfriends, and to his children. He continuously blew small fortunes on video games and online cookie orders, only occasionally popping into his own forums with the sole purpose to syphon more money from his fanbase. His deterioration was very public; thousands upon thousands of people across the world had a front-row seat to his bizarre downfall in real time. Many of his affairs were public knowledge, I imagine an incredible amount must not have been. He lost his family, he lost his money, he lost his website, he lost his fans, and he killed himself last week.

Dead.

I never interacted with the guy in my life. As a human being, I don’t have a strong opinion about him or his actions one way or another. None of my fucking business. Odd though that when I heard the news, I was shocked. And I don’t get shocked. Celebrities die every day and I don’t care that much. Family members die once in a while and I barely bat an eye. It’s the cool thing about being some weird psychopath!

But Lowtax’s death hit me. I’ve been thinking about this fucking wifebeating piece of shit’s death ever since it happened, and it’s uncomfortably surreal for reasons that are perplexing. And I needed to write about it, I guess.

I’ve always loved to write, and I considered Lowtax to be a major influence on my approach. Hell, I discovered Something Awful in 2002 when I was 14; my mushy puberty brain was perfect for his brand of cynical, nihilistic, non-hyperactive edgelord humor. I’m a rare case where the frontpage was more influential for me than the forums. I loved everything about it. The community of talented staff writers, all with different voices, writing mostly unrestrained and unaffected by sponsors, advertisers, corporate overlords, and attention-seeking gimmicks. I loved the wealth of diverse and focused content, all existing with the singular goal of ridiculing something, anything, online or offline. The Weekend Web existed to mock the glut of terrible internet forums and their posts. The Flash Tub poked fun at amateur flash video tropes with razor-sharp humor and skillful, unique animation sensibilities. The Awful Movie Database was a direct parody of IMDB.com and was responsible for some of the biggest belly laughs I’ve ever had to endure. Photoshop Phriday and Comedy Goldmine both go without saying.

Dead.

The list literally goes on and on. There were always two new featured articles every single day. I meticulously tracked my progress bouncing around the site for years, hellbent on reading every single article that had ever been published. I never achieved that goal, but part of me still wants to chip away at it to this day. Once in a while I still get a short-lived urge to binge through a few more articles. I don’t find many of the articles quite as enjoyable anymore in my 30s, but the fact that the website is still there like an old friend is comforting to me. The way it has remained relatively unchanged for decades, while the rest of the internet grows and grows becomes worse and worse with time, it means a lot to me. It’s a relic of my most impressionable years, a monument that I can still visit whenever I want to.

Dead.

So, Lowtax dying feels like the true end of an era that was over long ago anyway. I pictured some sort of redemption arc for him; in the back of my mind I felt that some day he would pick himself up, dust himself off, and be a better person for his friends, his family, and ultimately himself. Now it can never happen, he made damn sure of that.

My approach to writing, my desire to carve out a personal space for myself online, the evolution of my sense of humor, almost all of that was Lowtax’s doing 20 years ago. Even if it was tangentially related to him, even if 50 other people around him were pulling the legwork on the talent, he was still the face of Something Awful. Even though he sold the website last year amid an embarrassingly public scandal, even though he had lost thousands of supporters, even though most would like to forget Lowtax was ever a part of his own creation, everyone is deluding themselves if they don’t continue to associate the website with the man.

RIP, Lowtax, you massive piece of shit. You horrible human being. You accidentally became one of the internet’s most notorious figures. You accidentally built a lasting empire while simultaneously being the laziest motherfucker on the planet. Like many others, you changed my life completely. Sorry you were so self-destructive, and it’s a shame you had to ruin so many lives in your path. I hope your kids will be ok.

And that’s enough words on this.