Tagline:
Goodbye, my love, my friend, my pain, my joy. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Wide Release Date:
November 18, 2011

Directed by:
Alexander Payne
Written by:
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash
Based on the novel by:
Kaui Hart Hemmings
Produced by:
Jim Burke, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Starring:
George Clooney
Shailene Woodley
Beau Bridges
Judy Greer

PREGAME THOUGHTS

Keep an eye on that George Clooney, he’s really going places!

I saw this movie in the theater. It was Monday, March 5th, 2012. I remember this because it was Casimir Pulaski Day, a fake-ass Illinois state-wide holiday with no real celebrations revolving around it at all. I was unemployed and, therefore, spending a lot of time atrophying my muscles on the couch. My wife, it being Casimir Pulaski Day, certainly, had the day off from work. We took advantage of this free weekday to eat giardiniera-slathered Italian beef sandwiches and go see the motion picture talkie The Descendants.

I loved it. A matinee ticket cost $8 each so I was probably nervous about spending ALL THAT MONEY on a gamble, and maybe I was just thrilled to be doing something other than browsing Reddit and listening to Captain Beefheart or The Fall for eleven hours a day, but I had a fantastic time! I remember it being mostly sad and I remember Shailene Woodley’s boyfriend getting punched in the face. And Beau Bridges was there.

So I don’t remember much.

Stargate SG-1‘s VERY OWN Beau Bridges?!?!

THE 500(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

George Clooney is Matt King, a trial lawyer based out of Hawaii who finds himself as the sole trustee of family-owned Hawaiian land. The trust expires in seven years, and he has a bunch of lowlife cousins like fuckin’ Beau Bridges over here, Hugh King. He, along with the others, wants Matt to sell the land. Matt is torn between the money and the family history that a bunch of white boys like the King family have for generations in Hawaii.

Shit hits the fan when Matt’s wife, Elizabeth, enters a coma following a boating accident. Now he has two daughters to deal with by himself: 10-year-old Scottie (Amara Miller) and 17-year-old Alex (Shailene Woodley). He then learns that his wife’s coma is permanent, and her living will stipulates the ol’ plug pull. Scottie is too young to really connect with what’s going on with her mother, but Alex is torn between emotions; mostly because she hasn’t forgive her for cheating on her father. A bit of information that Matt has just learned from her.

We all gotta do a little cathartic pool-cryin’ now and then.

Matt shakes his two friends for information regarding Elizabeth’s affair partner, Brian Speer (Matthew Lillard), and arranges for a trip to Kauai to hunt down this motherfucker and give him the old one-two-buckle-my-shoe. Flip him like a pancake, see? Alex brings her laidback boyfriend Sid (Nick Krause) along, who says blunt things for comedic effect! He also gets punched in the face by Matt’s father-in-law, a scene I had previously mentioned was very memorable to me!

In the midst of finding Brian Speer, Matt is informed that Brian stands to gain incredible wealth from the possible land sale in commission since he works with the developer, Speer’s brother-in-law, who is interested in buying. Complicated feelings mount. After finding Brian’s vacation beach house, Matt gets to know Brian Speer’s wife Julie Speer (Judy Greer, how’s that name for a stretch? Eyes up here, Michael) as they are both spending family time on the beach. She seems nice. A little flighty, but nice. They have two kids.

Matt and Alex team up to confront Brian in the evening while his whole family is home. After deciding to tell everyone who knows Elizabeth to say goodbye before they pull the plug on her, Matt extends the same courtesy to Brian in spite of his overwhelmingly negative feelings. Brian admits that he never actually loved Elizabeth even though she loved him. Again, Matt has no idea how to really feel about this revelation. I think it sucks hard.

Plug is pulled and Elizabeth dies. Brian is too much of a coward to show his face at the hospital, but Julie makes the visit on his behalf in an effort to try to forgive him and/or Elizabeth. She says she does, but she’s lying.

Yeah, good idea. Do your part to pollute the ocean just a little bit more.

Matt decides not to sell the land (angering his shiftless cousins), and everything is wrapped up in a neat, little bittersweet package. The family dumps Elizabeth’s cremated remains into the ocean. They all eat some ice cream in front of the couch. The end.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — Coma Time!

As part of my semi-recent plane crash onto Existential Crisis Island, this movie caused me to put myself within a unique point of view: the comatose woman.

Maybe that’s a bit narcissistic. I can empathize and have a panic attack about Matt’s situation. I can understand the angst and turmoil of Alex’s situation. I can even understand the precocious naïvety of Scottie’s situation. But, honestly, I predominately placed myself in Elizabeth’s shoes.

Imagine the small world around you collapsing directly because you fell into a coma. And you don’t even know it! And you never will! You get to be unhappy and have an affair and then die with no repercussions while everyone around you suffers! How lucky is that shit?

Right? Haha! Well, I’m being facetious. I did spend some time thinking about how much it would rule to die while in a coma. It’s the ideal situation! You get knocked in the fucking head by a brick and you spend your remaining days alive, but basically dead. It’s like a comfortable stepping stone to actually being dead, and that’s something I can get behind!

But, really, thinking about death like this is a sign of depression. So I’m gonna keep that shit in check and watch more depressing movies like the Descendants so I can think about death some more. Wait a minute! D’oh!

TOPIC 2 — Sid

Sid brings the comic relief, but that’s not all he’s here for as it turns out! It doesn’t seem that way, since he says stupid Beavis & Butthead shit and gets punched in the face and laughs at dumb things! But he has depth and I’m grateful for it.

Pictured on the left: Beavis AND Butthead. All in one person.

Of course, he cries wolf by lying about his brother being mentally challenged, which causes Matt himself to consider a good old-fashioned face punch. When Sid reveals to Matt later during a one-on-one scene that his father had died in a drunk driving accident a few months back, both Matt and the audience are understandably wary that it will turn out to be another insensitive joke. It’s not, and it’s all the more impactful.

We see Matt not knowing how to feel about this kid’s confession whatsoever while Sid kind of looks melancholy and sympathetic. In a movie full of powerful moments, this was the most powerful.

Sorry, I forgot to be funny! That happens sometimes. Every time.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

George Clooney was attracted to the part because he so often has played characters that have their act together. The character of Matt clearly does not.
Ohhhhh, perfect George Clooney is tired of playing perfect George Clooney roles! He wants to instead play a millionaire who “doesn’t have is act together”. If this is what not having his act together looks like, then I don’t have any more words to say.

Check it out, a Nigerian prince wants to give me money! All I need to do is provide an up-front wire transfer!

The phone number shown on George Clooney’s character’s Blackberry for Gold Coast Real Estate – (808) 926-7525 – really is the phone number for Honolulu’s Gold Coast Real Estate, Inc.
There you go, there’s the number. Tell them that you were referred by TomWritesAboutStuff.com and I’ll give you a free hat that I found on the shoulder of the highway. The tire marks will not come out.

Beau Bridges is very familiar with the Hawaiian islands. He attended the University of Hawaii as a young man.
Here’s an even funner of a fun fact: Hawaii wasn’t even a state yet when he started his freshman year. That’s how old and desiccated Beau Bridges is.

Kristen Stewart auditioned for the role of Alexandra.
Oh man, a role that required a range of emotions? We really missed out.

When Sid tells Matt that he would beat Brian Speer’s testicles with a spiked bat if he were Matt, he is paraphrasing a skit from the album “Enter the 36 Chambers” by the Wu-Tang Clan.
Yeah, this one is pretty legit. If Brian Speer was played by Method Man (an actor in his own right), then I probably wouldn’t actually skirt the idea of smashing his nuts. That’s just me though.

The first time Alexander Payne has worked with small children.
That’s some odd trivia right here. It’s an unsettling sentence. It’s almost like maybe… he… shouldn’t… be doing that??

One. Big. Happy. Family.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

Yes. Nothing particularly adventurous or eventful happens, but it’s a very pleasant movie based around complex, realistic, and strong emotions in a situation where no one really knows what to do or how to feel. The Brian Speer confrontation is the highlight, where you can visibly see the gears spinning in Matt’s head with respect to his conflicting emotions. George Clooney and Shailene Woodley are standouts in in their roles, with their direct father/daughter dynamic especially engaging. Amara Miller plays a fairly good slightly angsty 10-year-old, but her acting chops still needed some sharpening. Not bad for a first movie, though, I gotta admit. Nick Krause’s character is there merely for comic relief, but even he is less two-dimensional than the first impression suggests.

Good to know that my unemployment brain didn’t drastically enhance the experience by actually getting me out of the house for a few hours!