Tagline:
At Ridgemont High only the rules get busted!

Wide Release Date:
August 13, 1982

Directed by:
Amy Heckerling
Written by:
Cameron Crowe
Produced by:
Irving Azoff, Art Linson

Starring:
Sean Penn
Jennifer Jason Leigh
Judge Reinhold
Phoebe Cates
Brian Backer
Robert Romanus
Forest Whitaker
Ray Walston

PREGAME THOUGHTS

I loved this movie as a teenager because 1) it’s hilarious, and 2) there’s some real rude-ass titties in it. Sean Penn plays my favorite high school character of all time, edging out Ferris Bueller by just a small margin. Looking forward to seeing it again, I probably haven’t watched it in almost 20 years.

THE 600(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

Welcome to Ridgemont High, where the Fast Times never slow down! A crazy cast of characters awaits! Sean Penn is Jeff Spicoli, an unflappably good-natured surfer stoner. Jennifer Jason Leigh is Stacy Hamilton, a sexually inexperienced and curious 15-year-old. Phoebe Cates plays Stacy’s friend Linda Barrett, a self-proclaimed sexually experienced wingwoman. Judge Reinhold is Brad Hamilton, Stacy’s older brother and hot shot at the local fast food joint. Brain Backer is “Rat” Ratner, all around nice guy with a crush on Stacy. Robert Romanus is Mike Damone, a real smooth-talking silver-tongued motherfucker who scalps concert tickets and helps Rat get the girl. Then, of course, Ray Walston is Mr. Hand, Spicoli’s strict and no-nonsense history teacher.

Yo Rat, lemme teach ya the ways of the human female anatomy. This here’s the dilnick.

The stories of the movie are loose and focus mainly on Stacy. She confides to Linda that she’s a virgin and has never had a boyfriend. She is goaded to (successfully) flirt with a 26-year-old customer at the pizza place that she and Linda work at (after confirming the man that, yes, she is indeed 19 years old good sir). She sneaks out of the house to go out on a date with him and he fucks the virginity out of her in a sleazy baseball field dugout. Later, Rat musters up enough courage to ask her out on a date, but forgets his wallet when they dine at a restaurant (which Damone helps him out with). When they return to Stacy’s house, she shows him a photo album, and they start kissing a little bit. When sex is on the table, Rat gets scared and runs out of the house, which Stacy misinterprets as disinterest. Soon, she starts fancying Damone and invites him over to swim in her family’s pool. He shows up and they both bone in the pool house. Damone ejaculates almost immediately and gets her pregnant. Stacy confronts him about this and asks for half the money for the abortion, which he ends up flaking out on when he can’t scrounge it up. She lies to Brad about meeting friends at a bowling alley, he gives her a ride and she sneaks off to the nearby clinic. He notices and waits to pick her up. He’s very nice about it. Stacy completes her big, fat coming-of-age adventure.

A few other characters get their B-stories. Brad gets fired from his job at the fast food restaurant and works at another fast food restaurant where they make him wear a pirate costume. In one of the most iconic scenes in film history, he fantasizes about Linda coming out of the pool, dropping her bikini, and kissing him. Linda catches him jerking off in the bathroom, the audience lols. Cool guy Damone spends much of the movie coaching Rat on how to seduce the woman of his dreams before he fucks her behind his back. Spicoli, of course, goes head-to-head against the unrelenting Mr. Hand and Spicoli is way out of his league. He does call Mr. Hand a dick after he rips up his school schedule card, so Spicoli is certainly capable of frustration! He has a bunch of pictures of naked women pinned to the walls of his bedroom.

That’s really it. In an epilogue, Rat starts dating Stacy but they haven’t had sex yet. Damone gets busted for scalping Ozzy Osbourne tickets. Brad becomes a manager at a convenience store. Linda goes to college in Riverside and moves in with her psychology professor. Spicoli saves Brooke Shields from drowning and blew the reward money hiring Van Halen to play at his birthday party. Mr. Hand thinks everyone is on dope.

The end.

Wanna see pictures of my abortion?

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — General Movie Thoughts

This movie is still great, but more so because I’m still able to watch it through the lens of a 16-year-old. As a MAN (loosely termed) in my mid-thirties in 2023, I take only few issues with it, which is incredible for an ’80s teen movie. Kudos.

Issues? Is it kosher to film nudity scenes for characters who are supposed to be underage? Is it kosher for me to even use the term “kosher”? Both Jennifer Jason Leigh and Phoebe Cates were 18/19 at the time of filming, portraying 15-year-olds, and both go topless. Leigh even goes nearly full-frontal. Is that cool? Am I even supposed to immensely enjoy Phoebe Cates pool scene? Because I did! And I’m not ashamed of it. I just wonder how often in the 21st century are adults, who are portraying kids, going all nude in a movie. Someone give me an example if you’re reading this.

You’re not reading this, who am I kidding?

♫♪♫ You Are a Pirate! ♫♪♫♪♫♪♫

Titties aside, there’s also the whole abortion sub-story that doesn’t get resolved in a very satisfying way, in my opinion, for Stacy. And this is no fault of the writing, because kids are shitheads and not everything gets a happy ending. Mike Damone fucks Stacy for about four seconds and jizzes her pregnant. She asks for him to pay for at least half the abortion, which he can’t do so he flakes out completely and leaves her hanging the day she goes to the clinic. Then Rat just has a fight about Damone fucking his crush, and that’s then end of Damone’s story (besides the whole working at 7-Eleven epilogue). At least make the guy save up the money and pay Stacy back! Come on, man, the guy jizzed her pregnant! Sorry, I just wanted to write that again.

Other than those two admittedly minor gripes, this movie kicks ass. A lot of the movie is shown from the female perspective, which was rare at the time for this type of movie, and treated it respectfully. It helped tremendously that the movie was directed by woman, giving it more of a female-sympathetic vibe. Stacy has a brother who cares about her, a friend who cares about her, and she has immature sex with two immature dudes without being painted as a slut. They treated the idea of abortion with dignity. She does get the “nice guy” at the end, but Rat is a genuinely nice guy not just out there looking for sex, so it’s cool with me.

Spicoli has got to be one of the greatest movie characters of all time. Instantly likeable, dumb and accidentally funny, kindhearted and worry-free. I looked forward to all of his scenes, and the inexplicable bagel in the pants gets me every time.

Who wants cream cheese??

Then there’s the charming Brad, played by a charming 26-year-old Judge Reinhold, a guy with the baritone voice of a 40-year-old man and couldn’t pass for a high school senior on a good day. Really nice to his sister, this guy. I work with a guy who looks just like him, outdated haircut and everything. I shall serve no fries before their time.

Have we all had a teacher like Mr. Hand? I love how he ruins Spicoli’s evening and not only does Spicoli accept it gracefully, but he actually learns something from it, too! Growth of character! This movie has everything!

TOPIC 2 — Phoebe Cates’ Boobs

Seriously, dude. *highfive*

Wait, I was supposed to screengrab a second later! Oh well!

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

Nicolas Cage lied about his age so that he could get a bigger part, but the producers eventually found out that he was only 17.
Jealous of the 18+ ladies flashing their breasts in the movie, Cage was adamant about showing his penis and balls in what would have been a landmark scene in the annals of Hollywood film history! Too bad.

Jennifer Jason Leigh’s father Vic Morrow died in a helicopter accident on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) about three weeks before the US release of “Fast Times.”
That guy got all sorts of decapitated by a helicopter, which is a crazy thing to happen during filming of a movie.

Sean Penn asked out Pamela Springsteen, who played Dina the cheerleader, on the set of the movie; she accepted.
Ugly-ass Sean Penn got to date Bruce Springsteen’s little sister? And then Madonna? And then Michael Keaton? What a lucky guy!

Sean Penn extinguished a cigarette in the palm of his hand in order to better understand his character Jeff Spicoli.
Sounds like a pointless act of machismo in order to “better understand” a two-dimensional stoner. But what do I know, I’m not an actor. I’m barely even a writer. I’m not even literate.

Ralph Macchio was asked for a role, but he demanded a salary the director couldn’t afford.
Man, fuck Ralph Macchio. I’ll kick his little Karate Kid ass.

Media site Kueez listed Phoebe Cates’ topless pool scene as one of the “Most Paused Movie Scenes In The History Of Hollywood”.
Back in the good old days before the Internet where 15-year-old kids had to rent a movie from Blockbuster in order to jerk off.

For his masturbation scene, Judge Reinhold brought a large dildo to work with, unbeknown to the rest of the cast. Phoebe Cates’ look of horror and disgust is very real.
He brought a large dildo “to work with”. That could mean anything! My imagination is running wild with this one…

…and I’m spent.

Who’s the big hairy pussy now, fellas? Yeah, ME, that’s right! *puffs out chest*

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

Trying to take the nostalgia goggles off, I genuinely think this movie holds up. The themes of young romance, dickish teachers, part-time jobs, and navigating through high school social circles are timeless. Interestingly, too, is that no one is a complete weird asshole to anyone, which is very unusual in an ’80s high school comedy. That part isn’t relatable, but nothing’s perfect.