Tagline:
Kick Some Past

Wide Release Date:
August 13, 2010

Directed by:
Steve Pink
Screenplay by:
Josh Heald, Sean Anders, John Morris
Story by:
Josh Heald
Produced by:
John Cusack, Grace Loh, John Morris, Matt Moore

Starring:
John Cusack
Rob Corddry
Craig Robinson
Clark Duke
Crispin Glover
Lizzy Caplan
Chevy Chasen

PREGAME THOUGHTS

What a stupid-ass movie this is probably going to turn out to be. I remember being in the thick of college when Hot Tub Time Machine came out, and my dumbass friend wanted to see it in the theater. Being 22 years old, I was too fucking smart and good for something like this.

Not anymore!

THE 600(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

Knuckleheads from old times Adam (John Cusack), Lou (Rob Corddry), and Nick (Craig Robinson) are miserable and pathetic. Adam’s girlfriend broke up with him. Lou’s a divorced alcoholic. Nick works at a dog spa.

Lou almost accidentally kills himself by leaving his car running in a closed garage. Adam and Nick visit him in the hospital and, each yearning for the good old days, make arrangements to visit the ski resort that defined their young adulthood. They bring along Adam’s 20-year-old slacker virgin nephew Jacob (Clark Duke) and get ready for some hella fun.

The place sucks. A lot has changed in the small town in 25 years, and their hotel is decrepit. Making the most of it, the group settles down in their room and take advantage of the hot tub (time machine). While drunk, they accidentally knock over an energy drink into the main console of the hot tub (time machine). They wake up to a bustling ski resort full young people with throwback clothes and hair. They’re in 1986. To each other, they still look like their current selves. To everyone else, and in a mirror, they look 20.

Ahhh, to be young and pretty again.

Jacob looks the same for obvious reasons.

The repairman assigned to fix the hot tub (time machine) (Chevy Chase) is aware of their time travel, and warns them all to be careful not to fuck with the timeline or else the timeline will get fucked. As a result, they all try to play out this weekend identically to their actual experience in 1986: Adam needs to break up with his girlfriend, Lou needs to get into a fight, and Nick needs to perform with his old band “Chocolate Lipstick” and have sex with a woman who is not his marital wife. Hilarity ensues as each faces reluctance to perform their respective necessary tasks.

Adam’s old girlfriend was hot as the dickens and he definitely doesn’t want to break up with her. Lou wants to fuck women and not get his ass kicked. Nick doesn’t want to bone a woman who is not his wife, although there’s nothing abhorrent about playing with his band again as it turns out. Just the sex part.

Eventually, the pieces fall into place. Lou gets his ass kicked. Nick screws and sings. Adam’s girlfriend breaks up with him, but he meets a music journalist named April (Lizzy Caplan) who is there to report on the battle of the bands at Winterfest ’86.

After some unsuccessful encounters with the shifty, mysterious repairman, Jacob learns that they all need to pour more energy drink on the console in order to travel back to their own time. Chevy Chase fixes the hot tub (time machine) and Jacob seeks out the other three.

There’s a part where Lou loses a bet and has to give Nick a blowjob. He doesn’t actually do it, but he gets very close.

Lou’s going to rock your fucking world, bro.

Along the way, they run into Adam’s sister (Jacob’s mother) Kelly, who is continuously pursued by Lou. They have sex, and Jacob’s constant flickering during the coitus spurs the realization that Lou is Jacob’s father and that he needs to do a big ol’ cum so that Jacob doesn’t phase out into non-existence. This revelation makes Jacob unhappy.

Securing the necessary energy drink, the group piles into the fixed hot tub (time machine). Lou hangs back, vowing to do his life over and make something of himself. And he does: he founds “Lougle”, which is just Google that a lo(u)ser invented. Lou is extremely rich and married to Kelly. Adam is married to April, the music journalist. Nick is a music producer. Jacob is still lazy and useless. Everyone lives happily ever after.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — Fixing the Future

Don’t even get me started on this movie’s handling of time travelling. How dare this dumb low-brow comedy movie throw away the rulebook on time travelling! God fucking damnit, but do I get all worked up over this kind of thing!

Goddamnit, Clark Duke! Whatever happened happened! There is no changing the future! Rob Corddry is so mad that he forgot to put on clothes.

Nah, I’m good. I’m not going to ask for or expect that much from a movie about hot tubs, time machines, spilled energy drinks, and one-armed Crispin Glover bellhops. I’d rather talk about each main character’s problem and how it got “fixed”.

Craig Robinson’s character feels like a cuckold, a word I hate, but he is. His wife cheats on him and he knows it. She made him tack on her last name to his, which he resents. He also gave up his music career after only one bad show. He works at a dang dog spa! His ’80s revisitation involves him putting on a great show and stealing a few songs Marty McFly “Johnny B. Goode”-style. He returns to the present with a great music career, a single last name, and… the same wife. But she’s better now.

John Cusack’s character has relationship problems and thinks he can attribute the beginning of it all to breaking up with his girlfriend (and getting the fork in the eye). His older self thinks he’s insane for breaking it off with someone so hot, but she turns out to be shallow and immature. She breaks it off with him (and he gets a fork in the eye), which means that the break-up was going to happen anyway. Then he marries Lizzy Caplan. The end.

Rob Corddry’s character is a complete loser who has spent his whole adulthood living in the past. So what does he do to fix his problems? He lives in the past! He decides that the high point of his life was the ’80s and he relives his young adulthood all over again. And then he exploits the past and gets rich off of it, but we learn that Lou experiences no real growth as a human being. But he ends up happy, and that’s all that really matters.

Clark Duke’s character is inconsequential to the story. A big bowl of who cares.

Chevy Chase, you ignorant slut!

TOPIC 2 — My Own Hot Tub Time Machine

Oh man, what if I had my own hot tub time machine? Well, first of all, I wouldn’t touch that thing with a five-foot pole. Hot tubs are disgusting. Second of all, turn it into a blanket-on-the-couch time machine and we’d be in business. If I could choose my time travel destinations, I’d have three options:

2000 – I’m 12, in the thick of middle school, and I hate everything about my life! Preteens are complete dickheads, and I showed little to no interest in any of my school subjects. I’d seek solace within the 2″ x 2″ screen of my Game Boy Pocket and/or my 56k home Internet connection (reading and writing South Park fanfiction, mostly). Obviously, I’d want to return to 2000 and beat my little punk ass up for being such a nerd. There would be nothing better to change the course of my life than having my older self pummel me within an inch of my life.

2008 – I’m 20, in the thick of college, and I love everything about my life! I barely study and go to class, I have 20 hours of free time per day, and I’m surrounded by college girls. There is nothing I regret about this era of my life, except maybe all those hours I spent watching Lost DVDs. I’d want to go back to 2008 just to relive it again. Also, I’d have all the knowledge about materials science and engineering that I already have so that I could go to even less class! Talk about a major time-saver!

2033 – I’m 45, in the thick of adulthood, and I’m in the prime of my life. My perfect hair has a touch of gray that the ladies will find simply irresistible. My runner’s body will be taut and sinewy, with exactly 1% body fat. I’ll have discovered a cure for fingernail cancer and become a multi-millionaire, throwing my money around like I’m King of… Money. I want to visit 2033 just so I can shake my hand! Good work, Tom.

Come on, bitches! We’re goin’ to the past!

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

In an interview, John Cusack stated that he made his decision to join the cast of this film almost entirely based off of the title.
If the title were “Hot Tub Shit Fuck”, Cusack probably would have been a tad more apprehensive. Just a tad, though.

After arriving in the past, Adam (John Cusack) pulls a Fishbone t-shirt from his suitcase. Cusack is a known fan of the band, and there have been references to them in several of his other films.
I have nothing funny to say about this. Fuck yeah, Fishbone.

Fuck yeah, Fishbone.

Shipped to cinemas under the title “Bulldogs”.
I don’t know if cinemas have a say in what movies they accept. I imagine they have absolutely no say, right? There must have been very little faith that AMC would pick up a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine. Joke’s on them, though. I would never fucking see a movie called Bulldogs unless the movie was about a sex act called “bulldoggin'”.

According to Clark Duke, it was his idea for his character Jacob to travel back in time, and find out Lou was his father.
According to Clark Duke, it was his idea to have significantly more screen time, and find out that the major character he spent the most time with was his father, justifying his significantly more screen time. Barely.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

I’d say, overall, sure. It’s close to tipping the scales toward “no”, but Rob Corddry made me laugh out loud at least a dozen times and it’s very hard for any movie to get that reaction from me. Usually I stoically mutter to myself “heh, that’s funny”, but Corddry is the man. Watch it for Corddry and screw everyone else, honestly.

Matthew Perry drowned in a hot tub. Stay away from hot tubs, you guys.