Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: East of West, Issue #13 – “Busillis”! In the previous installment, a diplomatic session with the world leaders ends with three people dead and a declaration of war. So it didn’t go well.

No one really important died, so don’t worry. More Archibald action is nigh!

East of West, Issue #13 [July, 2014]
Written by: Jonathan Hickman
“Busillis”

“The catalyst of action is intent. It’s the other end of the bullet.“

“We hide things in the sun, for it is blinding.”

Annnnnd, we’re back at the Sea of Bones where Cheveyo got creamed by a rocket launcher. We pick up where we left off there, with Death absolutely fucking furious that this guy had to get killed in front of him right before relaying some pertinent information! WHERE’S MUH SON?! That kind of information.

The hunter guy who Bel Solomon hired to kill every single one of the Chosen (including Bel, who will be saved for last) pats himself on the back for a job well done. “In my whole life, there’s probably been only three or four people I’ve known who could hit a mark like that…”

Those people are all dead now, certainly. Not me, though! I’m still breathing and enjoying life and looking forward to getting back to my knitting and–

THWAP!

Hunter gets a bullet through the shoulder. All like “what the blue fuck?”, he looks through his scope to see who could have countered such a precise hit. It’s Death with his measly little pistol. According to the Hunter’s whiz-bang scope, the distance is roughly 96 kilometers. That’s about 60 miles. That’s the distance from here to Michigan City, Indiana! That’s assuming you’re located where I am right now, which is, of course, Mars.

Shit, there’s an angry white guy shooting at me!

“That can’t be possin–” the hunter begins, but is cut off by another bullet to the other arm. THWAP!

Hunter starts running with his faithful robot dog companion thing. Once he maintains a safer distance (and what’s a few dozen feet when you’re already 60 goddamned miles away?), he recalibrates his aim and gets a lock on the monochromed offender. Death is ready, though. Crow does some fancy physics calculations and, even though it’s one of them high-yield cluster bomb-type dealies, the projectile will miss them by about fifty feet. Death stands his ground and assumes a menacing pose. The kind of pose that would be on the cover of a shitty action movie VHS case.

“That’s right… I see you and you see me,” Death says, alarming the Hunter Man who can hear him I guess. “Get a good look. I’m comin’ for you.”

Death saddles up on his robot bug horse, but Crow urges him to stay put. “We can’t leave– not yet– we’re not done here!” she cries all in a tizzy. Death doesn’t give a SHIT! This rocket launcher-wielding bitch just ruined his best chance at finding his son. Death waits for no man!

Crow says some stuff about Cheveyo’s manner of death being equivalent to paying the blood price. “Cheveyo’s remains mark the trail into this world from the dead lands…” she warns, which doesn’t sound that critical to the likes of myself! “Understand? Wicked things are on the way.”

Death still doesn’t care. Crow can stay put if she wants to. Have fun milling around the Sea of Bones. Who has two thumbs and is blowing this popsicle stand? THIS GUY. *thumbs* Bye.

Oh no! The Hunter guy found himself one of those newfangled Koenigsegg Jeskos!

Death and the Hunger speed toward each other as if in a futuristic jousting match. With Death out of the picture, Crow and Wolf have one of those rare heart-to-hearts. He tries to mourn the death of his completely mutilated and dismembered corpse of a father, but Crow gently reminds him that, seriously, shit’s going to go down immediately. “They…are here.”

The earth starts a-quakin’ and chunks of the ground start separating. Wolf stays put, but Crow is panicking and urging her big dumb friend to get it together. Wolf doesn’t get it together. She lifts his head up and he suddenly looks like he’s wearing KISS makeup.

World #1 is where I rock and roll all night. World #2 is where I party every day.

Meanwhile, Death and the Hunter guy are going full speed ahead at one another. If Train #1 leaves Michigan City, Indiana going 65 mph, and Train #2 leaves Mars going 80 mph, and Train #1 and Train #2 are on a collision course, in which city will they collide? Well, we’re going to find out.

When Hunter gets close enough, he unleashes a barrage of bullets at Death’s direction. Death evades the bullets quite nimbly! And by that I mean, he doesn’t! His robot bug horse gets one of its legs snapped off, and Death is thrown to the dusty ground.

“See, in all my years of bein’ a lawman, I’ve come to accept certain facts regardin’ the criminal mind…” says Dirty Harry Hunter, “Associations, for example – you lay down with dogs…this is the kinda shit that rains down on you.”

Death is completely out of his element. Hunter has his gun trained on him from about seven feet away. Hunter doesn’t even know who this is, does he? He rambles on and on about Death making an honest mistake, thinking perhaps that Hunter was trying to aim at him in the first place, and that’s why Death made all his bad decisions so hastily…however, it doesn’t change the fact that YOU, sir, tried to shoot ME! The Hunter! Mr. Ranger! Mr. Judge-Killing Law Man! Inexcusable! So, he wants to fight like men. Fisticuffs.

Death is happy to oblige.

Enough of that. What’s going on with Wolf and Crow? They look like they’re having fun on this Hell Platform that they now find themselves upon.

Anything that goes “BAA KOOM” can’t be good.

Cheveyo’s ugly dead body starts hovering around the torrent of dust and magical nonsuch. A door is opening, a portal to some ungodly dimension perhaps, or the front door to a Chuck E. Cheese. Very scary in either case!

The dead world and the alive world are bridging. All that time Cheveyo was toeing the line between the two, well, dying while doing that isn’t helping one bit. “True power– the kind my father had… the kind he taught me– means being more than a vessel…it means becoming an exchange. Taking one of theirs and bending it to your needs.” That was Wolf talking, and Crow isn’t following. Crow doesn’t care. A giant, creepy bird-beak angel takes form and starts speaking to her: “Ssisssterss crowwww… Sssissssteerrsss… Ssssisssterss… Misssssed you. Misssssssed yooooou.” Needless to say, Crow is rather unnerved.

“Wolf. Do something.”

Good thing Wolf decides to do something! Probably should’ve done something earlier! Seems a little too late to do anything, but worth a shot, right? Wolf starts yelling some exposition dialogue in the general vicinity of the ensuing chaos. Cheveyo died on his own place of power between the alive and dead worlds, the dead lands technically own his soul and will try to claim the body as well. If that happens, shit hits the fan, the door between worlds remains open, and the entities of the dead lands will try to take oh-so-much more than just a stinky corpse! Wolf WILL NOT let that happen! There, now you know the gravity of the situation.

This is all the netherworld needed to know, since Wolf’s mere DECLARATION of disallowing the tampering from the ethereal realm is enough for the netherworld to go “Rawr! *BOOM!*” about it. There’s a giant burst of light.

I’m your worst nightmare guy: a white man! But seriously! Umm…

Is Death still fighting the mean judge-killer? Yeah, yeah, he is. They’re evenly matched, except for the part where they’re not, and Hunter is getting his ass kicked. Bold of him to try to beat Death – literally – but he’s not backing down. He still doesn’t even really know who Death is! He’s gonna have egg on his face for sure!

Wolf’s thing worked. The bird-beak angel commandeers a more corporeal form and drops like a stone with a THUMP to the dang ol’ ground. Take THAT, bird-beak angel. Now you’re in Cheveyo’s body! You got what you wanted! lmao! Be careful what you wish for, dipshit. So now you get to walk around Earth. I’d start by finding a hobby. Also, when Wolf dies you have to come back for him. It’s the rules!

Bird-Beak calls Wolf a fool. Just like Xiaolian with the art of war, Wolf doesn’t have a firm grasp on exactly what his father understood. “HUAARRK!” squawks the lumbering sorta-god, “In death… he’s deceived us all… He’s eluded our grasp and paying his due… and he’s tricked you in offering up your soul… Be seeing you soon, cub.” He saunters away and disappears into the dust.

And wouldn’t you know it, Death and the Hunter are still fighting! Up close and personal now, they’re practically hugging. “Enough playin’ around! Why’d you care I shot that Chosen? You in with them? Is that it?” Mr. Hunterman slugs Deathman across the face.

Deathman slugs Hunterman across the face. “No! They took everything from me… Made me think my wife was dead, and they stole my son!” And here’s the kicker: Death was a cunt hair away from twisting Cheveyo’s balls into a confession. But NOOOOOO, you had to go and blow him up real good. Terrible.

Now Hunter, this guy had 11 children of his own, probably! They might all be dead of malnutrition and exposure, but he is sympathetic to Death’s situation. “Any good reason you didn’t lead with that, you damn fool?”

Death ruminates on that for a hot second. “I was angry.”

No matter. Hunter’s willing to help now because why the fuck not? Maybe he’ll bump into some more Chosen along the way that he can turn inside-out with his unnecessarily large weapon. They get ready to wander the desert, but a new threat emerges!

“Gods! What… the hell… is…is?” Hunter sputters and drools and gibbers and twitches and stammers and stutters.

Death is like “oh that? Those big stupid box-shaped warships? The Endless Nation is going to war, silly beans.”

Final Thoughts

A bunch of pages of fighting over a dang misunderstanding! Nice sitcom we got going on here. Impossible to follow unless you buy the damn comic. You should just buy the damn comic.