Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: East of West, Issue #40 – “Psalm 137”! In the previous installment, we see a flashback of the beginnings of Hu Mao’s involvement with the Chosen in her father’s stead. We see Archibald watching live footage of Xiaolian and Wolf confronting each other as her army marches toward the Endless-Nation-former-Union place. We see a whole slew of weird Psalm robots attack Death and, presumably, kill him. And we see the Three Horsemen approach the alone Babylon.

Eeek!

East of West, Issue #40 [November, 2018]
Written by: Jonathan Hickman
“Psalm 137”

“The now always distorts the memory of how things really were.“

I love these little nihilistic, fatalistic quotes! Gets me right in my pessimism-overflowed brain.

Someone’s monologue, I don’t know whose: “Can you remember a time when you couldn’t taste violence in the air? I do. I remember. I remember people saying things would never get this bad. That it would never come to this. Blood on the ground… and ash in the sky. I remember them saying the end would never – could never – come. But now that it is almost here, all I can think is how wrong they were… and how glorious it will be.”

All through the monologue, dozens of Psalms descend upon the Deathly one. I think he might be deathed.

“We will see this through to the bitter end.”

Cut to Babylon and his ambushers. He sees them as three mean demon skulls in beefy suits! “Do you remember us, Babylon?” War asks. And yeah, he does. It’s filed under Mythological: Artificial: Reanimate: Apocrypha: Horsemen. Duh.

Here’s what happened last time! The Horsemen tried to kill Babylon, and he fucked them up royally! And he’s prepared to do it again! CHHAAAAAARRGE!!

War points his gun at Balloon and requests to be heard first. Perhaps they have offers and/or delicious candied treats.

Piggy’s got a point. Shit’s all oinked up.

Conquest goes into this whole thing about being sorry, how they got off on the wrong foot (so to speak; Babylon had chopped it off), it wasn’t cool to try to kill him and everything, and he’s sorry. Truly.

He sounds sincere! But Babylon ain’t buyin’ it.

Famine sweetens the deal: they will kneel to Babylon and buff him up to be the Great Beast he is prophesied to be. Babylon still isn’t too thrilled with their company. War comments on his intelligence, but nevertheless, War isn’t kneeling for nobody.

Babylon’s all “ok” about this and then continues to threaten the red, yellow, and blues ones’ lives. “You don’t understand,” says Conquest. “We’re here because you’re the most important person on this shitty, little planet.” Conquest and Famine want to suck your little dick because you’re going to be the catalyst for the apocalypse, son. War has other things on his mind, but he wants the apocalypse too. Trust them.

War levels with the kid. He’s here to see his Pops, and he’s either here to kill him (which probably already happened) or get killed. And one of those is less desirable! Babylon’s a smart kid, I think he can guess what War wants.

Death is still fighting for his monochrome little life… until one of the Psalms stabs him right through the back – exit wound through the heart. “NNNNNZZZZ. We have you now! But now that we do, I don’t know that I didn’t love the idea of catching more than the actual thing. NNNNNNNZZZ.”

Death starts dying. His eyeball pal starts rhyming at him again, but Death isn’t giving up yet. He’s actually laughing! Like this: ha ha ho ho hee hee. That is, until Mr. Eyeball warns him that this fight is a distraction from the Horsemen so that they can kill his son! LOL!

Well, this truly pisses him off something fierce, and he starts fighting like he’s never fought before.

You won’t like Death when he’s feral!

One of the Psalms stops in its tracks and asks Death why. Why why why? Why fight? He’s outnumbered about 7 trillion to one! No chance! The eyeball agrees smartly. Perhaps a new plan should be considered? Like running away? Or letting your son just die because who cares? He’s a brat anyway! You won’t even miss him!

Death chooses the running away part, but he doesn’t run far. He finds giant robot bug horse on the ground and activates the blaster face thing. It sends a huge strip of fire down the length of the field, killing all the Psalms? What a fucking copout! Booo!

Let’s turn to something boring now. Wolf and Crow have their talk with Xiaolian. For starters, why did she show up with a dang army? That seems a bit rude. “I would tell you that I am here to kill a man… but that doesn’t encapsulate the finality, or merciless violence, I plan to do. And if fate sees fit to favor me… I have come to erase an entire nation.” Xiaolian stares at the Wolf/Crow dream team. “All I need is for you to move out of my way.”

Wolf pauses and asks Xiaolian if she’s heard the Message. The Good Word of the Lord our Savior Future Jesus Christ on a Cracker. She has heard the Message and finds it to be a load of who-cares bunk, sir. Wolf presses on like she didn’t just besmirch the good name of the Word Message Pamphlet. Wolf is the Message now.

That’s four words! Gotcha!

In short, turn the fuck back around and return to your own shitty country.

And what if she doesn’t?

Well, it will be disasterous! Think it over.

Ok, she will.

Whew, that was civil! Elsewhere, Death is angry and he’s not going to let a pile of robot bugs death him all up. There’s one left, buzzing on the ground injured. It wonders if there’s something wonderful on the other side of the veil. Death says “not for you, bitch” and guns him down.

War has been watching this whole time and does a trite slow clap. “I cannot lie… I always did love to watch you work. Hello, Death. It’s been a while.”

Dawwww, family reunion time! Death just stares at War with a look of ennui, bloodied and torn up.

Xiaolian leaves her meeting feeling a little bit bitter. Wolf and Crow tried to destroy her capital city, then they left to hang out with Death on his journey, and now they think there’s a bond between her and them? Fuck them! “Asking for my trust? Demanding things of me?” She doesn’t trust them as far as she can throw them. And with her Iron Man hands, that actually might be pretty far. Bad analogy.

So, hey, she’ll do what they asked and nothing more. She’ll “reconsider” for a day.

Is there a Holiday Inn somewhere nearby?

War is a happy camper, reuiniting with Death. He sits down, commenting upon his tired limbs and all this chasing Death has made him hungry and thirsty for conversation. Death doesn’t think there’s gonna be much of a conversation at all. “Have you hurt my boy?”

“Now why would I do that?” War has consternation on his red face. “After all… your son is the Great Beast of the Apocalypse – the one we’ve supposedly been waiting for.”

“You’re gonna pretend like you and the others haven’t tried to kill him once already? And that you would serve anyone but yourself?”

War admits that he was wrong, and whether or not he really gives a shit about Babylon he has a role to play in this little game. And he made a choice, and he’s following Famine and Conquest to do the thing he’s gonna do. Meanwhile, here’s War with Death. All by their lonesome. War chews on a little stalk of wheat like a dang ol’ hayseed and levels with his buddy: Death betrayed him. Death betrayed him and it doesn’t sit well at all, like a huge plate of hot barbecue ribs and no TUMS. “Any revenge you wanted – any comeuppance you thought you were due – pales in comparison to what’s found seed in my heart,” says War. He’s smiling now. Very dangerously.

“That’s between you and me,” says Death. “My son doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

“The fuck he doesn’t.”

“What. Do. You. Want?”

“For you to die. And die poorly at my hand.”

…

War continues. “So how’s that sound?”

“…fair enough. Fine. Just let the boy go.”

War’s mouth has now twisted into a sneering grin. Here’s the thing: Babylon agreed to follow Famine and Conquest in order to spare his father. So the Horsemen are honoring the quest, because the Great Beast can’t just not be the Great Beast! So, really, all Death can do right now is come and try to take him away from them. Good luck.

Me too, big boy. Me too.

And War says he’ll be waiting. He looks forward to it.

Final Thoughts

Death can’t die. He’s Death. He can fuck, obviously, but he can’t die.

Just like War can’t peace. He can’t peace. He probably can’t fuck either, actually.

Famine and Conquest are definitely not fucking.

Babylon fucks.

OK, I’m done.