Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Daredevil (Vol. 2), Issue #5 (Legacy Issue #385) – “Devil’s Despair”! In the previous installment, Daredevil goes nuts for a few minutes and jumps off a roof with a baby. Then he comes to his senses and swing-lands at a church where he hangs out with a nun who is his biological mother, I guess. There’s a lot of faith-questioning. His nun mother slaps him. Karen Page shows up wanting to give the baby to Macabes, but now Murdock’s thinking clearly about the whole baby situation and doesn’t trust Macabes one fucking bit! Then he kind of calls her a junkie slut and she runs out of the church.

And Murdock is right not to trust Macabes, because he’s the big shadowy Boss Man that’s been chasing this baby down for four issues now. He hires Bullseye to help him acquire the baby.

And that’s about it! You’re caught up!

---

Daredevil (Vol. 2), Issue #5 (Legacy Issue #385) [March, 1999]
Written by: Kevin Smith
“Devil’s Despair”

MONOLOGUE TIME! When Murdock was a child, his father attempted to keep the little bastard in line by scaring him with an urban legend about an old man in a village who practiced black magic. As Murdock got older he became more and more skeptical, eventually deciding that the mystic was a figment of his dad’s imagination.

He now realizes his dad was telling the truth, because Murdock is dealing with one of these types of mystics in person right now! And it’s quite unsettling to him. The seer is shrouded in some lavish robe, hovering cross-legged about seven feet in the air, and he’s got a big beam of orange light emanating from the middle of his forehead. Yawn! I see that shit in the city everyday!

The seer is examining a cross that Daredevil received from somebody, I don’t even remember at this point. The seer claims that “THE EYE OF AGAMOTTO WOULD HAVE REVEALED ANY SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS THIS TRINKET MIGHT’VE BEEN EXPOSED TO” and insists that there’s nothing to sense about the object. He does, however, tell Daredevil that the cross is laced with some sort of strong hallucinogenic drug. It only didn’t affect the seer because he was able to “cast a small spell that purged it out of his system and into an alternate dimension within his cell structure”, which sounds like a lot of showboating to me! Obviously, the point is that Daredevil has been drugged, which explains some of his odd behavior.

In the end, the seer cannot determine definitively if the baby is or isn’t the antichrist. “My mystic abilities as of late have been rather — undependable” he tells Daredevil, unhelpfully. This fuels Daredevil’s already overactive paranoia: “He’s in on it.” After the seer suggests bringing the child in for further analysis, Daredevil freaks out and decides that the seer is putting spells on him to cloud his thinking. Just before he whacks the seer’s melon with his Daredevil Whackin’ Stick, the seer performs a spell to remove the drug from Daredevil’s body. It appears that this is a super special kind of drug that only activates if someone suggests that the baby is innocent! How devilishly clever! I suppose! Man I wish I could remember where this stupid drug cross came from. Oh well!

The first thing Daredevil wants to do is find Black Widow and apologize to her for his drug-fueled psychoses, but he needs to track down who might be responsible for this hallucinogen. He asks the seer what it will take to find out, like, on Earth, instead of the astral plane. The seer tells him that there is a way, but it will require a strong constitution and obeying a lot of guidelines. Daredevil agrees. The seer makes preparations to invoke a demon (that sounds like more astral plane shenanigans to me!), and tells Daredevil to meet him back here again in a day.

Elsewhere, Karen Page is having quite a glazed-over, catatonic rest at a park bench, soaking in the autumn vibes. She’s doing a lot of thinking. A homeless man lying down on the bench next to her is using a newspaper as a blanket; the headline reads “FRIEND OF ACCUSED QUITS! Star legal gun Matt Murdock quits firm after partner’s arrest on murder charge”. Karen is thinking about who she has been to her friends and family over the course of her life in another patented wordy Kevin Smith monologue. Among other things, besides a junkie and a porn star and a slut, she’s been a straight-A student, a cheerleader, a law office secretary, and a radio DJ. Too many things! Let’s back it off to just radio DJ and junkie. That sounds more manageable to me.

She’s going over all the betrayal that she finds herself guilty of with respect to Matt “Rupert” Murdock. And she’s sad! Maybe she’s going to kill herself!

Her monologue sure goes on for a long-ass time. Basically, she recognizes that Murdock is flailing and needs her strength, but first she needs to find that strength within herself to help! Because, you know, that’s all a woman is to a man, right? Bleh. With a newfound pep in her step, she runs out of the park in pursuit of Murdock. We catch one more glimpse of the newspaper, showing a spread with a photo of a man who looks like Macabes with the subheadline “One time ‘Creature Feature King’ John Curtain found murdered in Hollywood home”. Curious.

Aha, in the next scene I find out that the mystic who Daredevil visited is none other than Dr. Stephen Strange! This is me learning, at this very moment, that Dr. Strange is a sorcerer/mystic. I just assumed, him being played by Benedict Cummerbund, that he was like a Sherlock Holmes-type detective! I mean, I didn’t REALLY assume that, but I always thought it was funny anyway. I’m going to keep thinking that! Anywho, Strange and Daredevil are conjuring up a demon! Daredevil is not to speak to the demon, we don’t want any mystical beings from the depths of hell to be accidentally set free within the earthly plane of reality, now do we? Mmm-hmm. Don’t look at the demon either, that might provoke it as well. These demons certainly are obnoxious, aren’t they? Can you feed them peanuts? Will that anger them too?

The demon summoned is Mephisto, who Daredevil apparently had a run-in with in the past. Strange binds Mephisto in a force-field that prevents him from seeing them, but after Strange speaks to him he recognizes his voice instantly. “Strange. I recognize your braying.” Mephisto says, rather lazily I might add.

He asks Strange why the fuck he’s putting down the blinds on him this time. “Within the binding circle, you may ask of me no questions and provide only answers, Beast.” Strange responds performatively. Mephisto catches on and casually comments that this is all a show for a guest in the room, so he plays along. I like that there’s semi-genial camaraderie here! Very amusing.

“What is it that disturbs you, Stephen?” Mephisto asks rather politely. Strange tells him that there may be an antichrist on the loose! Can he confirm, please? Mephisto then says a lot of words about the bible, I dunno, I barely read it! But, he bluntly states that the bible implies the antichrist will be an entity more powerful than a sniveling, snot-nosed, poopy-pantsed infant.

Strange asks another question, but Mephisto is starting to get rather impatient, and hints that he knows that Daredevil is there. Once this is noticed, Strange attempts to close the connection while Mephisto mocks Daredevil not only for his “devilling around”, but also for his lack of knowledge on who is truly fucking with him. Mephisto’s only further hint is, essentially, “this person is probably letting his mother down”. And then he disappears with a comic book “POP” as the portal closes.

Daredevil heads back to the church, which has been completely ravaged. Many people lie dead in the pews. Sister Maggie, Daredevil’s mother, seems to be barely hanging on herself. A voice starts taunting Daredevil, but with the echoey acoustics of the church he cannot pinpoint the source. Finally, the assailant leaps into view. “You know what every good catcher needs? A PITCHER?!” OK, uh, well, that really undermined everything, Bullseye, you idiot. Yes, it’s Bullseye. And he starts whipping some throwing stars at our “fearless” “hero”. So our “brave” “champion” throws some of his Daredevil Sticks right back at him. One of the sound effects is “FAP”, which is funny.

Bullseye claims that he’s tired of the feud between the two of them. “You’re the only guy who’s ever come close to getting on my nerves.” Bullseyes says as he takes out his Bullseye Gun and shoots a Bullseye Bullet right through Daredevil’s shoulder. “Now we’re even.”

They fight a bit. Bullseye tells him to just give him the baby and he’ll walk away. “I ain’t getting paid to kill you…” he continues, “…but I’m gonna do you for free. Just for laughs.”

As they continue to fight and talk, it’s revealed that Karen Page is in the church, alive and hiding under a pew. Sister Maggie and Karen whisper to each other about the baby. She apparently gets up and strolls right out of there unnoticed, because within the next few panels she comes out through a doorway carrying the baby in her arms. “Let him go and I’ll give you the baby.” she tells Bullseye, boldly. Daredevil tries to object, but Bullseye smacks him in his already busted-up face with his own Daredevil Stick and tells him to shut the fuck up. Bullseye agrees to leave Daredevil and take the child.

Bullseye gets about four steps out the room before he discovers that Karen gave him one of the church cherub doll things. He bonks her on the head with it and demands the real deal.

The real deal, as it were, starts crying in Sister Maggie’s arms, betraying its location like the dumb baby that it is! Bullseye grabs the baby from her, and is about to whack her with the stick when Karen pops up with Bullseye’s gun. “Put…the baby…down!” she yells. But then Bullseye taunts her, saying that he’s not dumb enough to discard a loaded weapon. There was only one bullet in the thing.

As he leaves with the baby, Bullseye whips Daredevil’s stick back through the air, impaling Karen right through the chest and knocking her into Daredevil.

Final Thoughts

*cue happy West Wing credits music* TOOT TOOT! SUSPENSE! Daredevil’s world is getting all sorts of fucked every which way, ain’t it! Man oh man, the poor little devil.

OK, let’s take stock: Bullseye took the baby, which may or may not really be the antichrist. But, Macabes wants this child one way or another anyway. We don’t have to worry about HIV+ Karen anymore, but Murdock himself might have contracted the virus so we’ll have to see what becomes of that.

That’s about the size of it. Plenty of story left, my friends.