Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Green Lantern (Vol. 5), Issue #2 – “Sinestro (Part 2)”! In the previous installment, we meet Sinestro right away! You know, he seems important since his name is in the title of these issues and everything. He’s from a planet called Korugar, and he just got his green ring back even though he was a total asshole in the past!

Meanwhile, Hal Jordan, the hero, I think, sounds right to me anyway, he’s some loser who got his ring confiscated! Not only that, but he got evicted from his apartment, he landed himself in jail by accidentally punching out an actor during a movie taping, and he pissed off Carol Ferris! Carol Ferris! You know, some lady!

Sinestro appears in Jordan’s apartment building and tells him to listen to everything he says in order to get his ring back.

My guess is that Jordan will listen to everything Sinestro says in order to get his ring back.

Green Lantern (Vol. 5), Issue #2 [December, 2011]
Written by: Geoff Johns
“Sinestro (Part 2)”

With Sinestro on these covers, you’d think Sinestro was the real hero here! Well, he has the ring and Hal Jordan doesn’t! Apples, how do you like dem?

Jordan is standing slumped in the hallway while Sinestro impatiently awaits a response. It should be an easy one; Sinestro claims that Hal Jordan’s a fucking mess anyway even with the ring. Jordan’s mad that Sinestro, of all people, gets to have one right now. “No one gave it to you. It malfunctioned. It picked you by mistake.” Jordan tells him desperately through gritted teeth.

He’s not taking this well at all. No poise. No grace. No tact.

So, yeah, when Hal Jordan threatens the guy with the ring, the guy with the ring shoots his powerful green ring light at him. Sinestro uses his power to create a platform hovering directly over the city street, dozens of stories high. They both stand on it.

“I’m not afraid of you.” Jordan clenches, looking kind of like BJ Novak from The Office and just as intimidating. “As if that mattered.” Sinestro retorts. Guy with the ring, remember?

Easy there, Cheekbones McGinty.

Sinestro takes this opportunity to be high-and-mighty about the sad little Earthlings. Pffft, a real bush-league planet. Back on Korugar there’s, like, chocolate waterfalls! And…uh, blowjob robots. Earth sucks! And did Hal Jordan ever use the ring to try to make his home planet a better place? Not at all! He just flew around in green airplanes like some sort of Green Lantern John Travolta!

Look at it this way, Hal, he likes you enough to keep putting a ring on it.

Sinestro conjures up a ring in midair and allows Jordan to take it, which he happily does and gears up Green-Lantern style. Sinestro tells him he’s offering him another chance, but Jordan immediately uses his new power to vanquish Sinestro with a big ol’ “adios, motherfucker!”. Sinestro blocks it with a force-field. “Are you finished?” he drawls while Jordan makes an ass of himself for the twentieth time that night. Jordan is furious! Something is wrong with the ring! HA HA! Hardly! Sinestro created it in a way that renders him immune to any of its attacks! Plus, he can turn off its power anytime he wants! Dumbass! Hal Jordan is a dumbass.

So, needless to say, Jordan is at Sinestro’s mercy. He has to do everything Sinestro says if Jordan’s going to gallivant around with a powerful eat-my-shit ring like that. And nothing can be done without Sinestro’s approval. No time for that talk now, though, something’s going on at the big city bridge! Jordan flies off, with Sinestro exasperatingly tailing him.

Some object fell from the sky and tore a giant hole on the side of an occupied suspension bridge. A car containing a family is teetering over the edge of the hole; the dad tries to push his young son out the window in the hands of a lady trying to help, but the car goes over the side with the woman trying to hang onto the dad’s arm in desperation.

Straight out of Final Destination 23.

Jordan uses his ring to create a giant magnet to keep the car from falling, but the woman continues to plunge. At the last minute, he swoops down to catch her in his arms! She’s thankful and they give each other the ol’ fuck-me eyeballs, but then Sinestro eliminates Jordan’s powers. The woman falls again, then the car, and then the bridge continues to collapse. “TURN MY RING BACK ON!” Jordan demands, but Sinestro refuses. Jordan’s pissed! “You need to learn a lesson here, Jordan.” Sinestro tells him simply and cars cascade into the river below and people are desperately hanging onto the pavement and railings Final Destination 5 style. Sinestro then tells him to watch and learn.

Sinestro uses his own powers to not only save the woman, the car, and everyone else, but he completely repairs the bridge. Something Jordan didn’t think to do while he was eye-fucking the woman he saved! Jordan gets his powers back and they both fly away.

Sinestro tries to tell Jordan that a Green Lantern is supposed to be more than just a “costumed savior”. Jordan doesn’t want to hear it, and he still thinks Sinestro got his own ring back by less-than-savory means.

No time for that either, right now. The thing that destroyed the bridge? It’s a living creature, and now they have to fight it. It’s GORGOR, THE SQUELCHY GROSS TENTACLES THING! AND HE KNOWS THE SINESTRO BETRAYED THE YELLOW LIGHT! GWARHRHAR! HARHLGRGRLRRR! SQUISH SQUISH!

So they both fight this thing, whose only agenda is to take Sinestro back to Korugar so that he can “win the right to control the corps”. Gorgor will, not Sinestro. I’m guessing Sinestro would be dead and without any right to control anything anymore. Whoever kills Sinestro takes his place, it seems. So Sinestro is a hot commodity among squelchy yellow light tentacled beasts right now.

Sinestro remains high and mighty and he’s tired of everyone’s shit!

I’M the right one! YOU’RE all WRONG! RAWR! *teeth gnashing*

He summons a giant green sword and stabs through this bastard, killing it immediately.

This is finally the part where he tells Hal Jordan that his planet has been enslaved by his own army. And they’re both going to team up to help destroy them.

Final Thoughts

I don’t know how this compares to Green Lantern Classic, but this is already pretty engaging. Maybe it helps to know absolutely nothing about the Green Lanterns, the corps, the rings, the mythology, nor anything else. Plus, if Sinestro is indeed supposed to be a villain, then he already seems multi-faceted with a non-obvious moral compass.

But hey, there’s plenty of time left for this to start sucking! Sinestro (Part 3) is right around the corner, my dudes. See you then!