Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Nightwing (Vol. 3), Issue #1 – “Welcome to Gotham”! Welcome to “Welcome to Gotham”. Welcome.

Nightwing is Dick Grayson, one of the old Robins who is no longer a Robin. While it’s widely known that Batman gets to brutally torture and murder every Robin once they become of age, Dick Grayson got to live and move on to become his own superhero. This is because Grayson had a pile of incriminating photos of Batman tongue-kissing Commissioner Gordon’s gun.

While all of that may only be 7/8s true, I know just a little bit about Nightwing through the first few issues of New 52 Batman, as well as Issue #3 of the New 52 Batgirl. In the latter, it’s revealed that he and Batgirl…ahem…had a thing.

And that’s about it. Will Batgirl show up among the pages of the first Nightwing storyline? Will Nightwing find that gun and tongue-kiss it himself? Only reading on will reveal the closely-guarded answers!

Nightwing (Vol. 3), Issue #1 [November, 2011]
Written by: Kyle Higgins
“Welcome to Gotham”

What the hell is with these crotch-shots? It looks like Nightwing is leaping off a building, gearing up to land testicles-first right on your face. No means no, sir. Atrocious.

A monologue reveals that Nightwing has never lived in one place very long, growing up in a traveling circus and all that (!). It’s weird for him to be in Gotham now for two reasons: 1) he’s been here a year already, and 2) he was filling in for Batman while Bruce Wayne is away (!!).

“I’m finally me again. Dick Grayson–NIGHTWING!” And he poses triumphantly over his title page.

Oh wait, did you hear that? That’s the sound of me in the comic book shop, shutting the issue and moving on to something else! Oh look, a box of old Simpsons comics, and-

All right, fine. We see him doing some cute flips around the late-night cityscape. He says he’s pretty good at filling Batman’s shoes, but the city’s been changing around him during the last six months. In a certain part of town, for example, there usually aren’t murders! But now there are murders! Stuff like that.

He waxes nostalgic about his stint as Robin, how he was an acrobat who was good at a-swishin’ and a-swayin’. But now he’s so much better. He’s a very proud boy! “Now Gotham has nothing that can scare me…”

“…or, at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.”

The circus is in town! It’s called Haly’s Circus, and it’s the first time the troupe is back in Gotham since Tony Zucco killed Nightwing’s parents. He cut their trapeze. OK, so Grayson’s childhood trauma mirrors Bruce Wayne. Kindred spirits. How quaint. I think that’s how Lennon and McCartney fell in love, too.

Part of Grayson doesn’t want to relive that past, but he’s already passed by the tent three times. He figures he should go down and say hi.

But then he doesn’t.

Don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no ♫♪♪

FLASHBACK TIME! Dick Grayson arrives in Gotham on a charter bus. He’s just like Corey Hart, wearing his sunglasses at night. Immediately, and I do mean immediately, two thugs start giving him shit for wearing those shades. A guy like him shouldn’t be wearing those at night, he better hand them over.

So now Grayson is ready to chew bubblegum and suck dicks and kick ass, and he’s all out of gum and dicks. He snaps one guy’s neck and boots the face of the other. They’re probably dead now. “I always did like this city.” he says as he walks away. As he walks away from this double homicide he just committed.

Hello ladies, the Big Buff Slob is back in town.

Grayson never liked Bruce’s big mansion. Too big, too far away from the action! No, no, it’s a shitty loft in the worst part of town for him! Ah well, they both have their differences. Grayson eats like a slob, too.

But they have their similarities too. Both of them are haunted by their past. And, apparently, both of them are really obsessed with Batman. Hmm.

You know what, fuck it, right? Grayson still loves the circus, what’s he so afraid of? Time to visit the tent! What could possibly happen?

So he goes down and meets up with his sleazy, scummy, circus chums. Jimmy the Clown is cranky! “How do you think I’ve been, Grayson? I’m a clown doing a show in Gotham. Terrible.” Ahahahaha! Classic Jimmy!

Bryan Haly is the name of the guy who runs the circus, the son of the guy who used to run the circus. Now Bryan runs the circus. Write that down. He seems affable enough; he tells Grayson that he didn’t need to come visit, they all understood. But Grayson insists that he wanted to see everyone again. Especially that red-haired broad in the blue dress, hubba hubba!

Oh yeah, both of your parents fell to their deaths in front of an audience? Kinda rings a bell, dude.

Her name is Raya, and she starts fondling his hair before he has a real chance to say “who loves ya baby”. She introduces him to a frowny guy named Marc, who is the circus’ new “catcher”. So who’s the pitcher? Ha! That’s a bad joke, sorry.

Raya and Marc invite Grayson to flip around on the trapeze for a bit, and he hesitates for about three nanoseconds before he indulges. Wearing blue spandex, he woos the crew with his sultry acrobatics! Then he decides he might blow his cover if he gets too fancy; as far as everyone below knows, Grayson hasn’t been keeping up with his circus moves.

What a weird fucking thought in general.

Then he gets all sappy about Gotham again, recognizing that his past is more of a weakness than a strength, blah blah blah. It’s some real after-school special shit.

He heads out, making a mental note to bone Raya before the circus leaves town. As he makes his way down the slummy, poorly lit city street, a costumed villain jumps down from above. He’s dressed like a ninja assassin with Wolverine blades. “I’ve been looking for you, Mr. Grayson.” he says, and then UNLEASHES THE BEAST! As Grayson dodges the villain’s attacks, a cop shows up and starts blasting his gun in their direction. “Trigger-happy patrolmen.” Grayson mutters, but finds the cop’s intervention a welcome distraction. He slips behind an alley to put on his Nightwing jammies.

No, not Hrk and Grgg! My favorite two characters died in Episode 1!

The mysterious assailant slashes two cop throats in a single move, which would make Ice-T proud. However, Nightwing blames himself for ducking out and allowing the cops to get hella killed. He decides to reason with the villain delicately: “You tell me what this is about, and I only break your little claws. And your jaw.” Quite diplomatic!

The villain tells Nightwing to stay out of it, which is funny because 40 seconds ago he told Grayson he was looking for him. Nevertheless, Nightwing follows the guy as he tries to climb away up a building. He makes a note that the assailant is super fast. Like, super duper fast. Like, faster than Nightwing. And that’s fast, boy. That’s some fast-ass nonsense. They meet up at the roof of a high-rise.

“You have no idea who you’re protecting.” says the villain.
“Then why don’t you tell me why somebody hired you to kill him?” says Nightwing.
“Dick Grayson is the fiercest killer in all of Gotham. And he doesn’t even know it.” says the villain.

And that’s puzzling.

Yeah, sure, he can’t even kill at the Zanies open-mic night.

Even though I witnessed him kill two thugs when he stepped off the bus! But whatever.

Caught off guard, the villain rips a hole in a nearby water tower, and the force of the escaping water cracks a couple of Nightwing’s ribs and pushes him down, down, down, down, down the building.

The villain follows, brandishing his bloody claws.

“Did I mention how good it is to be me again?” says Nightwing, rethinking everything that led to this moment in his life.

Final Thoughts

I dunno, man. Not very engaging yet! The circus angle is a little meh, seems like an outdated plot device in the year 2011.

I’d rather see Grayson fail to bone the redhead.