Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #37 – “Still”! In the previous installment, not much happens. Brock makes a move on verified minor Gwen Stacy and pisses her off. Peter Parker returns to the Empire State University science lab to steal the flask and destroy the substance, but Brock catches him in the act and doesn’t get over it.

Gwen later tells Peter about her encounter with Brock and how he’s not a good guy. Then Brock does a not-good-guy thing and pulls out another container of the black substance. He dips his hand into it…

And then…

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #37 [May, 2003]
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
“Today”

AND THEN…

RAWR! LOOK AT THOSE TEETH!

Peter Parker has a nightmare about his encounter with the guy who killed his uncle. Not much extra happens in the dream that didn’t happen in real life. He doesn’t even get to kill the guy there either!

He wakes up shaken and stirred. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, man!” It’s all very eloquent. Rain is pouring down outside in the middle of the night, but Parker decides to put on his not-rainproof hoodie and knock on MJ’s bedroom window. He frowns at her. Then they meet in her garage.

“Did I wake you?” he asks.

“Well, uh, yeah…”

They smile at each other. She asks if he’s okay. He looks pitiful as a response instead of saying something like “kinda no” or “I’m 15, of course I’m not okay.”

“Did you make a new costume?” she asks. “I saw you on TV with this whole black costume thing.”

“Yeah – no. That was just a temporary thing. BIG mistake.”

He asks her if she misses him. She responds by staring at him and then eventually answering with a “yes”. She asks if he’s within Gwen. He asks if she’s with anyone. They share more smiles.

I’m glad I can provide hilarious commentary on this issue! Here, have a panel:

LMAO!

MJ doesn’t know what to say to Parker after he admitted to almost killing a guy. She might as well have just said “wowzers!” He reiterates that he misses her, that he’ll be there for her if she needs him, that he’s in love with her, that he loves his Xbox more, and also nothing is going on between him and Gwen Stacy. How’s that grab ya, MJ? All good?

No! Not all good, you insufferable doofus! Stop the Spider-Man thing! She’s tired of worrying about you dying and being shot by the police and being swatted by newspapers! He doesn’t have much to say about that, so he walks away sulkily instead of stopping the Spider-Man thing. This kid is an idiot.

At the Reed Richards Laboratory of Science Fair Baking Soda and Vinegar Volcanoes, a janitor spots a big, ugly, black blob on the floor which currently contains Eddie Brock, Jr. “Oh, my God – oh my! Is someone in there? Wh – what happened? What’s wrong with you?”

What’s wrong with you indeed, Brock. He’s gurgling and burbling in this black mass that he has voluntarily encased himself within. The janitor is about to touch the blob, but then the blob wraps the woman with greasy black tentacles and, presumably, chomps her to death with sharp teeth! Add that to the list of Bad Things the Black Liquid Does.

Brock bursts forth from the blob – at least partly – and rambles about how no one told him how painful and terrible this whole ordeal is. Rambling about how he’ll kill Peter Parker. He sounds like the Green Goblin after injecting himself with his own DNA. Just a lot of “Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. So hungry. Cold. Spiders! Hungry. My heart isn’t beating. I heard a voice. Radio. Peter. Peter. Lady. Peter! Spider-Man. Eating me!! Aggh!!!” and so on and so forth for about ten hours. Peter Parker was able to survive this bullshit, he can too! Sure, the kid may have spidery super-powers and superhuman metabolisms and abilities, but Eddie Brock almost scored with a minor! He can do anything!

He gets encased in that skin-tight dark purple Spidey suit. “Suit’s breathing for me. Suit’s breathing for me. Just let it. Just let it. Just hold it – hungry. The woman. Oh my God – I hurt the woman –”

Nothing to see here, fellows. It’s just a young man going through changes. Life is so beautiful that way.

Then he screams and cries all over again. It’s gotten to the point where the security guards are tired of hearing all this moaning and groaning and check up on the lab. Brock is totally Venomed out now. Huge and terrifying! Call the cops, because they’ll be able to help! They’ll just shoot a black guy out of nowhere about it. Then the security guards die!

The next morning in math class, Parker zones out while the teacher talks about circles and Euclidean principles and polygons and counting on fingers when, suddenly, his Spidey-Sense starts tingling! Not the teacher’s. Parker’s.

There’s nothing around for Parker to be tensed up about. He starts getting anxious while MJ stares at him worried. “Oh, my God – I’m losing control of my powers,” he thinks. “The buzzing – Aggh! I knew it! I knew this would happen eventually! $%^@!! They’re going to have to lock me away. Nick Fury’s gonna come get me. That’s what’s going to happen! Aggh! The buzzing!”

Shut the fuck up and look out the window. There’s a big creature jumping toward the school! It has spiky tendrils and razor-sharp teeth, man, and it’s comin’ to getcha! Parker doesn’t know that Brock had another batch of this magic potion. He thinks the suit took on a sentient form and lept out of the smokestack where he thought he had destroyed it.. “I deserve this. I did this to myself. I created this out of my own damn arrogance. I make a mess and don’t even clean it up right. I deserve this.”

Later, after school, Parker faces off with the beast.

It’s like looking in a mirror!

“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LIED PETER,” growls the Venomous creature, snakey tongue flicking about, razor-sharp teeth bared, still mad that Gwen wouldn’t give it up.

…

…

“Eddie?”

Yes! Ding ding ding! Eddie allows his face to break through the suit, but he continues to speak in that scary back speech balloon. “OUR FATHERS DIED TO CREATE ME – AND NOW YOU WILL, TOO.”

Final Thoughts

What a short issue! I liked the parts where Parker talked to MJ and then Brock was having trouble with the Venom suit and then later he threatens Parker. The rest of it was subpar, but those parts were great!