Mat wakes up and eats a giant Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast. Even though he supposes that the Aes Sedai want him to stay in bed, Mat gets dressed and starts roaming the Tower. He goes outside to a courtyard and speaks with a couple of guards who are ordered to prevent anyone who looks like Mat from leaving the premises. That means YOU *points at a guy who looks like Mat (i.e. Mat)*

Disgruntled, Mat wanders around the courtyard and bumps into a young woman named Else, a farmer’s daughter who he and Rand encountered once along their travels. She’s kind of cold and bitchy, and avoids Mat like he has a bad case of plague, diabetes, and various venereal diseases.

Disgruntled, Mat wanders around some more and discovers some Warder training involving Gawyn (terrible name) and Galad. They approach Mat to see how he’s doing, and then wonder if he wants to pick up a sword ha ha ha. Mat, despite his hungry, weakening condition, challenges Gawyn and Galad to a duel with a quarterstaff for some money. They don’t accept, but a Warder instructor named Hammar overhears and goads the boys into challenging Mat. Mat doesn’t look too good, as Hammar points out loudly, but Mat ain’t no pussy! Challenge accepted.

Mat mutters to himself in what he thinks whatever the Wheel of Time version of English is, but Hammar recognizes it as the Old Tongue. Mat is like “oh shit” and moves on. Mat fights Gawyn and Galad and beats the shit out of them while his health depreciates before everyone’s very eyes.

After Mat’s victory, Hammar tells a short tale about Jearom — the greatest blademaster of all time who won 10,000 battles except one: against a farmer with a quarterstaff. “Remember what you just saw” he tells the dozens of aspiring Warders.

Mat gets his money, and when Hammar asks where Mat is from he accidentally says “Manetheren” before catching himself and saying “Two Rivers”. Worried about drawing much more unneeded attention than he already has (I don’t know how someone could have possibly drawn more attention at all), Mat takes his leave.

Fuckin’ Mat(ison) Cautho(r)n. He’s going to wind up a paraplegic congressman before he even knows it.