Our story truly kicks off with a couple of knuckleheads transporting their barrels of potent potables to the village of Emond’s Field. They are father and son — the former Tam al’Thor, the latter Rand al’Thor. By context, I’m guessing Rand is a teenage pimpleface who pops a stiffy every time he sees a girl even remotely his age. The local Emond’s Field pretty lass with the ugly name of Egwene scares him, probably because she’s very pretty and he’s likely not pretty at all. I’m guessing on that one. He’s not looking forward to seeing her.

It is incredibly windy outside on the road, but Rand and Tam push through. Behind them on the road, Rand spots a black-clocked man on a horse unaffected by the wind. His father doesn’t see him and CERTAINLY doesn’t believe Rand. Tall tales! Up your own butt with your tall tales!

They make it to Emond’s Field where the townsfolk are preparing for the next day’s great festival with the ugly name of Bel Tine. Women launder their nice clothes! Little boys and girls hit a ring with a stick because they didn’t have Nintendo in these medieval times, much to my own dissatisfaction with attempting to comprehend living a life 800 years ago. Yuck.

Rand catches up with his similarly teenage pimplefaced friend Mat Cauthon (not to be confused with Madison Cawthorn, the little boy whom no one needs to care about anymore). Mat, too, saw the mysterious black-cloaked rider and was scared out of his wits. Rand is relieved that he’s not the only one, but they are both nervous that they may have just witnessed the Dark One — the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. THE DEVIL!

Rand and Tam meet up with the Mayor of Emond’s Field, Mr. Bran al’Vere. If this Bran is anything like the Bran from a Song of Ice and Fire, then he is going to be the objectively worst character in this entire series. Bran tells the al’Thors that they’re going to have a gleeman for the festival! A gleeman is some sort of clown who plays the flute or something, and the whole village would be whooping it up to be in the presence of the finest gleeman this side of the Boring Small Town No Real Entertainment river. There was also promise of fireworks, which hasn’t actually been part of Bel Tine for 10 years, but everyone is going to be sorely disappointed when Year Eleven rolls by without firework one.

That’s about it for Chapter 1! Are these going to be the key players of the story? A couple of travelling nerds and the fat Mayor of Nowheres-ville? I sure hope so!