At last, after 47 chapters of meandering, the group of seven actually get somewhere. But before we get to that, let’s talk about the meandering!

Rand gets a first-hand experience on what it feels like to get some of that good, good Aes Sedai rehabilitation! One by one, Moiraine gives everyone a special touch that drains all the achy tiredness out of them. The caveat is that she can’t do that for herself, so she’s tired as a wounded moose after the fact and needs her beauty rest while the likes of Rand, Mat, and Perrin do dumbass somersaults with the gleeman.

It takes another several nights to get to their destination of Baerlon, and actual honest-to-god city. It’s like in Pokémon when you finally get to Celadon City after all those shit towns and long trails through grass and woods and caves. Just like Pokémon. Anyway, Moiraine and Egwene continuing having those two-hour late night chats that make Rand jealous. He attempts to eavesdrop again, careful not to break twigs and give himself away or else he’ll be slaughtered right there on the spot! One day when Egwene removes the braid in her hair, the international symbol for taking Aes Sedai Apprenticeship seriously, Rand gets really mad and insinuates that Aes Sedai are services of the Dark One and other thrown shade. He says this loud enough for everyone to hear, which is funny.

So they finally reach Baerlon, right? The kids are in awe while Thom the Gleeman scoffs at these podunk backwater kids and their ability to be easily impressed by barely-cities like Baerlon. More like Baerly a City! At this point there is some hush-hush secrets that need to be kept: here Moiraine is known as Alys and Lan is known as Andra. They are not Aes Sedai and a Warder, they are a couple of nobodies from Bisbee, Arizona.

The group arrives at the main gate where a guard welcomes his good buddies Alys and Andra and their hick child friends. He recognizes that clown Thom too. The guard fills them in on some goings-on, and it’s a lot to take in for the likes of some nimrod like me reading this danged book. The Children of the Light are in town, and that’s annoying. Also, the false Dragon’s army is moving from Ghealdan to Tear, and that’s a whole big bowl of bad news! Here’s why, per Thom: *juggles*

But really, the legends say that the Stone of Tear can only be fallen if the Dragon is truly reborn. It is never supposed to fall unless the Dragon Reborn wields the Sword That Cannot Be Touched, which is lodged into the Stone itself. Like King Arthur.

The group arrives at the Stag and Lion, an inn that prides itself on the hottest baths (scalding) and the hottest food (scalding). They Can’t Hardly Wait.

I also need to make a note here that Moiraine accidentally leaked that it’s nutso that there are two prospective Aes Sedai from the Two Rivers area! Such a thing has never happened! But when Egwene inquires as to who it is, Moiraine goes “BRRRTT!” and tells her to put it out of her head. It’s not important. And her path is a different one.

So that’s intriguing. Intriguing like a pimple.