I thought this chapter was called “Wolfmother” at first, and the face I made? You don’t even want to know.

We continue following Perrin and Egwene as they stumble through the woods like a couple of dumb children. Because they are dumb children, OR they’re 28 years old. I still haven’t really figured that one out yet. Nevertheless, they take turns riding the horse even though Perrin is fat and the horse is small. There’s nowhere they can rent a car, so they keep walking in what they think is the direction toward Caemlyn.

Perrin catches a rabbit and tells Egwene to get her flint out, baby! We’re starting a fire. The Perrin takes a stinky dump in his pants after Egwene says that she had lost her flint in the river before he found her in the woods. That fire she made was from channeling the One Power. He is less than happy about this admission to witchery, and he demands that Egwene stops with the hoodoo post haste. She agrees, but only grudgingly and only to shut him up.

These two eventually come across the only man in the woods they’ll see within 400 miles in any direction. His name is Elyas and he’s got some hella yellow eyes, man. Wolf eyes, you might say. Wolf Eyes is a better band than Wolfmother, I’ll tell you that one for free.

Elyas’ four wolf buddies join them, and the friendly enough Elyas tells Perrin and Egwene to keep their traps shut and don’t appear to intend harm and they’ll be left alone. Elyas can talk to the wolves, or at least understand and work with them. Once upon a time, wolves and men were like this: *crosses fingers* But that was a long, long time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. And it doesn’t happen anymore. But Elyas is friends with the wolves! And, guess what? *points to Perrin* This guy is the only guy Elyas has ever met who has this gift as well. Perrin is like “WHAT? PLEASE NO!” but what’s done is done. Perrin, you’ve got moxie, my boy! The wolves think you’re dynamite!

After the wolves smell the stink of lies in Perrin and Egwene’s story of where they came from and why they’re going to Caemlyn, Perrin decides to fess up completely else they’ll get ravaged by the angry wolves. Perrin tells them everything. And I do mean everything. He pulls out his copy of The Eye of the World and reads to them the first 350 pages. Elyas and the wolves are intrigued, and Elyas allows Perrin and Egwene to stick with them. Arguably, they’re better off that way than alone. They’d probably die otherwise, lmao!

Understandably, Perrin and Egwene are quite apprehensive, but I’m not! This sounds like an incredibly interesting new path in the story. Perrin’s gonna talk to the wolves while Egwene frowns and grunts. You love to see it.