The adventures of Rand and Mat continue. A non-linear narrative, some real cerebral shit in this chapter. It opens with the two of them getting a ride by a man named Kinch. It seems Rand was sick but is feeling better. It seems Mat was blind but now can kind of see. They pass by a convoy of armed guards known as the Queen’s Guard, which the two young men have never heard of before. It wouldn’t kill them to have heard of Right Guard either. Starting to get a little ripe, kiddos.

Eventually, Kinch drops them off at a fork. Two days to Caemlyn THAT way *points*. Five miles to the Ol’ Kinch Farm THAT way *points*. Stay if you want, don’t if you don’t want, who gives a shit either way? Mat and Rand have been getting chased by Darkfriends and monsters for too long to be trusting of anyone, so they don’t take Kinch up on his offer.

Rewind to shortly after the two busted out of Four Kings. Mat is blinded by that weird, giant flash of light. The take shelter under a bush and fall asleep, where Rand has one of those dratted dreams again. Ba’alzamon tells Rand that he belongs to him, boooorrring. Find something new to say, Dark One. Rand wakes to hear Mat having a similar dream, except the Dark One is stealing his eyeballs. lol

They reach the next village where a meal and a room at the inn costs them a few Hamiltons, considerably lightening their pockets. While they eat, a young man who I imagine is dressed like a gay pirate approaches them to chat. He calls himself Paitr and he’s super shifty; darting his eyes, licking his lips, turning white in the face. A lot of characters lick their lips in Wheel of Time, and this guy is no exception to the rule! When Rand and Mat accuse him of being a Darkfriend, Paitr goes even more pale and insists on a friendly chat. Then Rand socks him in the nose, which pisses him off. He spews some “you belong to the Dark One, please don’t resist please” nonsense and bolts out the door.

The duo travels to yet another village where, right in the middle of selling their cute gleeman act, Rand starts getting nauseous and feverish. Mat drags him to the stables and cares for him while the fever breaks. During the fever, Rand has all sorts of fever dreams where everyone in his life is very disappointed in him and wishes that he would straighten up and fly right and do his homework and make the right choices. Rand’s dreams tell him that all these people are dead because of him, including Disappointed Dad Tam.

Rand wakes to find a woman entering the stable “to get her horse”, but she turns out to be a Darkfriend too. These kids are getting spooked, and everywhere they go there’s some Satan-worshipping asshole ready to pounce. They lock her in the stable and run off. This is when the two find Kinch and make their way toward Caemlyn.

I TIRE OF MAT AND RAND! Get back to the Moiraine/Nynaeve catfight. I need some more Bechdel test success stories here. This has been a total sausage fest lately.