I’ve owned this book for over ten years! Time to crack open this bad boy and see what all the fuss is about!

Two characters are introduced: Lews Therin, Kinslayer, a sad shell of a man who used to be a notorious bigwig, but now he shambles around a castle during what seems to be the middle of a supernatural earthquake… but instead a mountain is created out of nowhere. I think. It seems weird.

Elan Morin, some sort of anti-Lews who is clad in black and appears in the prologue only to ridicule and get angry at the sad shell of a man. From what I gather, he appeared in a mirror. Perhaps he is some sort of literal reflection of Lews Therin?

Lews is looking for his wife Ilyena Sunhair, a golden-haired woman with Hair like the Sun, as it were. She lies dead next to Lews and it takes him about 45 minutes to notice.

Good thing there’s a glossary in the back, because there is already a barrage of unknown phrases and titles thrown at me:

• Elan Morin uses the name Shai’tan in vain — “Dark One“. Directly saying his name draws his attention. It invites “ill fortune”, meaning he’ll cause you to spill coffee all over yourself. Most people say other things instead. Kinda like calling Voldemort “You-Know-Who”, I suppose. There, that’s my first Harry Potter reference already. God, I suck.
• Lews Therin draws power from the True Source — The driving force of the universe that powers the Wheel of Time. There’s a male half, with a penis, called “saidin”. There’s a female half, with a vagina, called “saidar”. They work simulateneously against each other, just like in real life! Ha! Only men can draw upon saidin, since they have penises. Women for saidar. However, since the beginning of time, saidin has been tainted by the Dark One (Shai’tan! See, I remembered something!). I’ll obviously find out why in about six more books.

There are other things to know, I guess. Lews was once the wearer of the Ring of of Tamyrlin. He sat in the High Seat, first among the servants. He once summoned the Nine Rods of Dominion. He defeated Elan Morin at the Hall of Servants and Gates of Paaran Disen! He was the Dragon, man! The Dragon.

Elan tries to heal Lews of his obvious demented Alzheimer’s, but this causes Lews immense pain. He returns the favor by hiding himself in a giant mountain. If any of this sounds horribly misinterpreted, go fuck yourself. I have 54 actual chapters to read of this shit and I have a job and life, you know.

And you just read the first installment of my giant Wheel of Time read. It’s going to be pretty much like this every time. If you find that at all enjoyable, then I pity you immensely! Haha. But seriously, please come back for more.