FACS, MIKE, and LUMP

This week I have new releases from FACS, MIKE, and LUMP. Today the semi-intentional theme was, obviously, ALL-CAPS FOUR-LETTER NAMES! Interestingly enough, I already reviewed MUSH in an earlier roundup and let’s never speak of that unpleasantness ever again.


FACS – Present Tense
(May 21, 2021)

FACS - Present Tense

FACS is a three-piece based out of Chicago who carry the torch of the darker side of post-punk and post-hardcore well into the 21st century. Officially coming together in 2016, the already-prolific band has released four albums in four years starting in 2018. Their latest, Present Tense, is the first album I’ve heard so far from them.

Being astutely well-versed in this particular genre, I tend to be hyper-critical. With their clattering, scratchy riffs, I hear a lot of the noisy industrial sensibilities of early Sonic Youth. With the sardonic vocals, I hear a lot of Steve Albini (more Shellac, less Big Black). To a lesser extent I also hear elements of Unwound, Slint, Gang of Four, the Jesus Lizard, and Polvo. All that stuff is kind of in the same camp.

After listening to Present Tense over and over, I’m left simultaneously appreciating what the group is doing here and fully emotionally underwhelmed. While I pretty much love every band that FACS is drawing their inspirations from, the nagging feeling that the project is nothing more than a heterogeneous mixture of the sum of its parts infringes upon my enjoyment. All I hear are Sonic Youth, Steve Albini, Unwound, Slint, Gang of Four, the Jesus Lizard, and Polvo, but I don’t hear FACS.

Since this is the fourth album and the band’s sound doesn’t seem to have elevated beyond its influences by now, that doesn’t bode well for my confidence that I’ll enjoy their other three albums very much either. Sorry, FACS.

Early Verdict:


MIKE – Disco!
(June 21, 2021)

MIKE - Disco!

I love the idea of a rapper named Mike who decided on a stage name of “MIKE”. There’s something endearingly no-frills about that. Add to the fact that, in every single picture of the guy, he looks like nicest, happiest, most impossibly stoned individual on the planet. I can’t find anything to dislike!

MIKE isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. His childhood was fraught with social anxiety and depression, complicated further by his family’s perpetual uprooting and relocating to completely new cities during his impressionable years. He looks to music to ground him as the only constant in his life.

Disco! is my first MIKE experience, and upon listening to the album the late, great MF DOOM kept coming to mind. Not with respect to flow and rhyme, of course, since the idiosyncratic DOOM was one of a kind there. But there’s this lazy, free-association flow over peppy and deceptively simple melodies that sound like cuts off of DOOM’S Mm..Food. A lot of these melodies have this happy, sunshine-y ’70s jazz fusion vibe while MIKE slurs his lines overtop. All the while it maintains this bedroom lo-fi aspect that keeps the music coated in a humble veneer.

Unfortunately, I really don’t know enough about MIKE to know how this album emotionally progresses from his yearly June 21st release check-ins, which tells me one thing: I need to listen to the other MIKE albums. And if I’m thinking that, then it’s a positive.

Early Verdict:


LUMP – Animal
(July 30, 2021)

LUMP

She’s Lump, she’s Lump, she’s Lump/She’s in my head/She’s Lump, she’s Lump, she’s Lump/She might be dead

Laura Marling, who I know, and Mike Lindsay, who I DON’T know, team up for a collaborative project entitled LUMP. I’m not sure about the name, since I wouldn’t describe this music as particularly lumpy. But then again, what is? Frank Zappa’s Lumpy Gravy?

This is the duo’s second album, and the first word I’d use to describe the sound is “pleasant”. I know Marling’s solo music is mostly of the singer-songwriter acoustic indie folk ilk, and a lot of that is here with some very interesting mellow electropop flourishes that remind me of ’90s dream pop acts like Stereolab, Broadcast, Pale Saints, and a little Yo La Tengo. What I like about Animal is that the acoustic folk and the electropop elements are so seamlessly intertwined that it sounds more natural than one would think possible. It almost feels like they graduated from the Brian Eno school of tasteful and accessible electronic textures, which is the highest of compliments.

I’m not in love with this, though, for reasons my brain knows less about than my gut. The melodies aren’t very strong, and the arrangements, while diverse, aren’t vibrant enough for my grumpy ass to get completely gung-ho about. Still, I’m tempted to check out their self-titled debut and reevaluate the whole project at another time.

Early Verdict:

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5 – “Face the Court (Part 2)”

* Part 5 of 6 of the Court of Owls storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Batman (Vol. 2) Issue #5 – “Face the Court (Part 2)”! In the previous installment, Batman is still being a really dumb dickwad about the legend of the Court of Owls even though some Court of Owls guy named Talon (from the Court of Owls) is exercising his Court of Owls agency by trying to kill Batman (as stipulated by the creed of the Court of Owls). Batman ends up in some place called the Labyrinth, where three dudes in masks are welcoming him to said labyrinth. Oh yeah, before Talon attacks him for a second fucking time in four issues, Batman was letting us, the loyal audience, know that he discovered stab marks and metamorphic rock dust on Alan Wayne’s dug-up bones. What’s going to happen next? Who cares! Read on.

Issue #5 is subtitled “Face the Court”, just like Issue #4, which means that there wasn’t any real “facing the court” happening yet. And if this particular cover is any indication, Batman’s gonna get some fuckin’ knives thrown into his neck! Oh boy! Is this the issue where he finally dies? Bye-bye Batman!


Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5 [March, 2012]
Written by: Scott Snyder
“Face the Court (Part 2)”

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5

We begin with a real sad sack Commissioner Gordon trying to signal Batman, but unbeknownst to him, Batman took a detour through some sewers instead, so Gordon’s getting stone-cold stood up right now. Lieutenant Harvey Bullock pops in to tell him that Gordon’s going to blow out the damn lightbulb if he keeps the Bat-Signal on much longer, but Gordon is stubborn and he’s leaving it on as a symbol of hope for the city. Amidst this discussion we see a montage of other heroes in the Batman family such as, uh, Batgirl and, uh, Batwoman? Also Nightwing and Robin, because I guess there’s always new Robins running around once old Robins die or go through puberty?

Meanwhile, we see Batman lurking around some labyrinthian shadows in a fugue state of COMPLETE AND UTTER MAAAADNESS! His suit and cape are in tatters. He’s scrambling around the darkness muttering about owls and being scared of light, all in a very un-Batman-like way. He finds a well-lit room in the maze filled with hundreds and hundreds of time-lapsed portraits of handsome beardy men turning into old, insane beardy men, and young pretty women turning into old haggard, but not beardy, women. I suppose this indicates that this is some sort of game for some sort of puppet string-pulling Gamemaster, and Batman is the current player. How’s Batman gonna get out of this pickle, huh?

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5

Those are some really nice photo frames! I’m gonna have to find out where I can get these photo frames once I’m out of here!

As Batman stumbles around, he comes across a group of chess nerd-lookin’ guys in owl masks (or at least he thinks he does). He gets all paranoid now, yelling stuff like “THIS IS MY CITY!” and “I’M THE BIG KAHUNA AROUND HERE!” and “I KNOW EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY OF THIS STUPID HELLHOLE BETTER THAN YOU OWL CUNTS!”, and I may be paraphrasing a tad. He’s getting all insecure now, tripping around the hallways frothing and spitting. It certainly is a sad state of affairs. Every so often we see a panel with a big yellow “POP” that took me a while to realize it was a camera taking Batman’s photo and not, in fact, some popcorn being made somewhere. I don’t know WHAT I thought!

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5

Fuck you, Talon, I’m the one who is supposed to win around here! Not you! WAAH!

Eventually, Batman comes across another well-lit room lined-up with coffins featuring portraits of adolescent boys and girls with one of them open and empty, wondering if this room is another shrine dedicated to pissing him off. After much more rambling still about how these mysterious Owls don’t own Gotham just because they’ve been there longer than he has, Batman starts hallucinating his own parents down in the catacombs. A terrifying display of his parents bloodily ripping themselves apart into blood-soaked owls causes Batman to be a trifle spooked!

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #5

Ahhahaha, oh Ma, it’s exactly how I remembered you!

*yawn* Buh? Oh yeah, some other stuff is happening too. He thinks he finds a trap door in the floor that will lead to his escape, but he ends up back in the portrait room again. There he sees a rather deranged photo of himself on the wall that’s the latest in a line of other deranged photos of himself on the wall. He shouts “NO!” at it. Things aren’t looking well.

Suddenly, Talon (the bad guy!) emerges from that shadows and stabs through Batman’s abdomen with a goddamned sword or some shit.

Meanwhile, the lightbulb in the Bat-Signal has indeed exploded, because why not? A policeman, Gordon, and Lieutenant Bullock wonder what do next, and a scrappy young Robin kid tells them to get a new one. “I SAID NOW!” he says. And that’s the end.

Final Thoughts

Well now, this wasn’t a very uplifting issue! A thrilling mess of hard-to-read panels and swirly art storytelling!

Ok, that’s not fair. An issue showing Batman’s slow descent into insanity was a good idea, and ending with what looks like an actual death scene makes the descent all the more pitiful and undignified. Batman seems truly defeated! Too bad that seven million other issues of comics related to Batman came out after this, so the impact of a Batman death scene is kind of lost on me, you know? But shame on me from not feeling the right emotions I guess!

But still, shit’s confusing and, apparently, this story arc ends with the next issue. How the hell are they going to wrap this up? Or maybe it will spill into the giant Night of Owls storyline that crosses over into forty other titles in the Batman franchise? I’m thinking it’s the latter. I have a lot of work ahead of me…

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5 – “Life Lessons”

* Part 5 of 7 of the Power and Responsibility storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5 – “Life Lessons”! In the previous installment, Uncle Ben got got. He’s dead, but we don’t know that yet. The issue ended with Peter showing up at his house after an evening of hopping around buildings and ruminating about normal teenage stuff like the sudden acquisition of many super powers. The house was surrounded by cops and barricades. We are left wondering what happened! But it was that Uncle Ben got got.

I already know how the aftermath of this inconvenient murder will play out, but let me go through the motions for the sake of entertainment. The things I do for my audience. *crickets*


Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5 [March, 2001]
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
“Life Lessons”

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5

The muscle-bound and sinewy teenage Harry Osborne is asleep in his bedroom when he is suddenly jolted awake by the screams of his mother. It seems like some flying demon is throwing fireballs all willy-nilly around Osborne Manor, rudely burning it down and scaring the be-jesus out of James Franco. Uhh…I mean, Harry Osborne. Heh heh. I thought at first that this was going to end up being some terrifying booze-and-heroin-fueled nightmare, but it looks legit. Harry screams for help into the night, clad in only his skidmarked underwear.

A distraught, doe-eyed May is talking to the police about how a murderer did a murder in their house. Actually, it was a robbery that turned into a murdery murder! Actually, we’re not supposed to know that quite yet. The robber was all “Gimme all your money!”, and Uncle Ben was all “Heh heh, now son, look at me in my oversized flannel Eddie Vedder get-up and tell me, and be honest now, tell me that you don’t have more money already than-” BAM! RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEAD, BEN. One of the police officers is getting a call from dispatch assigning backup for a robbery at a Popeye’s a few blocks from the Parker house. With the possibility in mind that this could be the same guy who whacked Unky Ben, Peter BOLTS from the house and runs down the street while wriggling into his tight Spider-Man negligee. Whoa mama!

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5

Nice gun. *chuckle* How about a game of Parcheesi??

The police are surrounding the criminal’s cozy little broken-down hidey-hole. The culprit, donned in a baseball cap, is muttering to himself about “pigs” and “pieces of garbage” and “Blue Lives DON’T Matter”, probably, when Spider-Man himself (it’s actually Peter Parker in a crafty disguise, shhhhhh) drops from the ceiling. The guy, terrified, starts shooting in Spider-Man’s direction with a dignified “NYYAAHH!” while the gun goes “BLAM”. The guy starts running away muttering, but Spider-Man throws, like, a tire, I think, at the back of his head. Angered, the guy lunges at Spider-Man, but our fearless Master of Spiders knocks him back with a sickening “POK”, which is probably the sound effect that happens when a weak-ass Tobey Maguire knocks back a weak-ass Topher Grace. It probably sounds like a tongue clicking. Also, fuck Blue Lives Matter! Terrible.

Finally subdued, Spider-Man takes a good look at this motherfucker’s stupid-looking face and realizes in a blue-hued flashback sequence that this was THE SAME GUY who PARKER DIDN’T HELP STOP while he was RUNNING AWAY from a CRIME HE HAD COMMITTED involving a ROBBERY and he got CHEWED OUT by some LOOKIE-LOOS who thought that a TEENAGER should have DONE SOMETHING to STOP HIM and nOw UnClE bEn iS dEaD because PETER PARKER fucks and sucks SHIT! AH HA HA HAA! While the police are wondering what’s going on in the hideout, Spider-Man is going through the guy’s wallet like a Fallout character looting a corpse. I think he takes his ID card and maybe some money and mints and an expired condom? Then he throws the guy out a window with a rope tied around his middle right in front of the cops. The guy’s all like “Buhhhh”.

Peter Parker is having a tough time with this letting-the-guy-kill-his-uncle revelation. In another blue-hued flashback, in case you don’t remember literally the previous issue, Parker goes over the last conversation he had with Ben before he stormed off in an angsty hormonal huff. Great power. Great responsibility. Something like that. Lessons Learned. Check that Issue #5 title, son. Parker has a big fat epiphany about this and now he’s truly a man grown as they say in Westeros!

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5

POK!

On his sulky way home, Parker catches Mary Jane waiting on somebody’s steps. Possibly her own. Maybe Kong’s? Uncle Ben? Oh wait he’s dead. She asks Peter if he’s ok. He says “I ‘unno”. She says that May is staying with them. Peter says “Durrrr”. She says “Like, you can, uh, like, you can stay at our house? In my bedroom, maybe? In my bed? Nude? Sound good?”. Peter says “*cum*”. The End.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #5

Parker’s gonna get some dead Uncle pity-sex.

Final Thoughts

Isn’t it so sad that Uncle Ben died? Now who’s going to make all the rice that comes in the orange box?! FAAARRT. What a great joke.

Is Peter Parker gonna bang MJ? Is Peter Parker gonna have some sex? Are Peter Parker and MJ gonna bang? Is Peter Parker going back to MJ’s house and then do some fucking? Is MJ gonna bang Peter Parker? All these questions and more will be answered in Issue #6 through Issue #160! Except the part about the sex.

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4 – “Face the Court (Part 1)”

* Part 4 of 6 of the Court of Owls storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Batman (Vol. 2) Issue #4 – “Face the Court (Part 1)”! In the previous installment, Batman is struggling to admit that this legendary cockamamie “Court of Owls” nonsense is not actually a giant, steaming load of malarkey and horse-hockey! He creeps around his architect great, great grandfather Alan Wayne’s buildings and discovers secret hideouts by this mysterious order in every single building he investigates. He told Alfred to dig up Alan Wayne’s grave and then the building he was in blew up and he’s probably dead now. Is he dead? Do you think he’s really dead? Is Alfred boning Alan Wayne’s sexy corpse? Read on, gentle reader. Read on.


Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4 [February, 2012]
Written by: Scott Snyder
“Face the Court (Part 1)”

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4The building is blowing up because Batman accidentally set off a tripwire and we see an action sequence of Batman befuddlingly escaping near-death as he throws out more Court of Owls lore at us. The Big Cheese of the Court of Owls is named Talon, and yes, he has secret bases in secret 13th floors in Wayne-constructed buildings all over town. Batman ain’t havin’ that! This is his town, Owl Motherfucker.

Cut to Bruce’s pad, where once again I’m confused about the characters because they all have black hair and blue eyes like some sort of clone experiment gone sexy…er, I mean, uh, gone wrong. Alfred had dug up the ol’ bones of Great Great Grandpappy Al, and Bruce is trying to analyze his gross old skeleton for…I don’t even know, owl DNA? To prove that the Court of Owls is real? Ah, ok, Bruce calls the other guy “Dick” so he’s either Robin/Nightwing or he’s just a dick. But that means Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, and Lincoln March all look the same. I can’t get over this shit.

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4

Oh Grayson. You coy little boy, you.

Anyway, Grayson is concerned because Wayne is even more ruggedly disheveled than usual (you can tell by the artful stubble on his face) and that means he’s too obsessed with his work to sleep. Wayne is still convinced that the Court of Owls is a hoax, despite the evidence piled up to Mt. Everest in front of him, and reveals that he investigated the Court shortly after his parents were killed in a murder. We flashback to a scene of an angsty young Bruce making sullen faces while present-day Bruce talks about the suspicious circumstances surrounding his parents’ murder death killing. He talks about when he had told his dad that he heard about the Court of Owls and his dad had laughed in his FUCKING face. He talks about when they had discovered an owl nest in the attic. He talks about how, as a youngster, he took it as a bad omen. We see a montage of young Bruce with his cute little camera, “looking for clues”. Soon he would start to distrust the family, friends, and business partners associated with the Wayne dynasty. “No one could be ruled out”, he says.

Bruce’s young and scrappy detective work brought him to a place called Harbor House, noting that each and every one of his suspects had been tied to the club at some point. After a little snooping he discovers a windowless room at the top of the Harbor House tower that was likely a secret meeting room, because why not, right? “I had found the Court of Owls.” he triumphantly declared, only to learn after actually entering the room that it was covered in a million years of dust and cobwebs. He was so disappointed that he didn’t notice that the door to the room closed behind him. “I was locked in there for over a week.” he moans. LOL! Now that’s hilarious! That’s the funniest thing to happen in the series so far! “When Alfred finally found me, I was already comatose.” LOL! We have a new winner!

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4

The Court of Owls strikes again! Fuck you, Bruce.

At the end, after a three-week hospital stay (LOL!), his faith in the existence of the Court of Owls had been irrevocably shattered. Grayson encourages him not to give up, which goes against his concerns about how hard Bruce has been working, but hey we can’t let our emotions stagnate between minutes! Gotham City is old as shit, there’s hundreds of years of secrets to uncover, son.

Bruce puts on his Batman pants and plans to meet our favorite Gotham version of the Cigarette Smoking Man, Commissioner Gordon, in a scary spooky alley. On his way, though, he decides to play in the sewers for a bit. So, remember early in Issue #3 where they show Alan Wayne raving in the streets and falling down a manhole? The cause of the death was, presumably, death by manhole? Well, Batman has another theory! He found tiny punctures in the man’s fuckin’ BONES. He was killed by knives! Perhaps owl knives?! But wait, he also found residue on his bones. Alfred’s crusty semen? Close! Dust from a metamorphic rock! OK, that wasn’t close. Sorry, I got excited.

Before he could explain why this dust was important, Batman gets ambushed in the sewers by Talon himself! Talon sings him a cute little song about owls while he pummels him into the ground. Batman falls through some sort of sub-sewer and he sees three guys in masks welcoming him to the Labyrinth. And not the David Bowie kind!

Batman (Vol. 2), Issue #4

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Dance magic, dance/Put that baby’s spell on me/Jump magic, jump/Put that magic jump on me/Slap that baby, make him free ♬ ♫ ♪ ♩

Final Thoughts

Hey Batman, the Court of Owls is real you ninny! How’s that for a final fucking thought, bitch?

TORRES, Dordeduh, and The Armed

This week I have new releases from TORRES, Dordeduh, and The Armed. Cool, right? It’s like all these bands want to keep making and releasing music, right? What a world we live in!


TORRES – Thirstier
(July 30, 2021)

TORRES - Thirstier

Mackenzie Scott’s main influences are Broadway and Sylvia Plath. Melodrama all around! But while her approach to music is undoubtedly theatrical, the musician who performs under the name TORRES seems far from clinically depressed on her fifth album Thirstier. This stuff is uplifting and jubilant, calling up vivid images of Fountains of Wayne, the Lemonheads, and many other ’90s American power pop acts.

My TORRES experience is limited to her self-titled debut and her sophomore effort Splinter, but this one is markedly more upbeat and loaded to the brim with tasty hooks. Hooks so tasty, in fact, that it might even rival Japanese Breakfast’s Jubilee as the most legitimately positive pop album to come out in the post-(sorta)-pandemic era of 2021. “Hug from a Dinosaur” is the quintessential song here, displaying soaring synths and happy hand claps as she sings “What comprises all this joy I feel and where was it before?/Ancient and еternal and surreal as a hug from a dinosaur“. Even the closer “Keep the Devil Out” repeats the phrase “Everybody wants to go to heaven/But nobody wants to die to get there” but keeps it positive in the verses with lines like “I for one am gonna dig us out of here/I have got all the hope I need/To keep the devil out my ear“. And all this powerful music is complimented immaculately with Scott’s powerful voice, evoking PJ Harvey at her most passionate.

Mackenzie Scott had dropped her last album in early 2020, right before COVID hit. I don’t know WHAT happened to her during that time period, but I gotta get me some of that for myself.

Early Verdict:


Dordeduh – Har
(May 14, 2021)

Dordeduh - Har

Dordeduh comes from three Romanian words: “dor”, “de”, and “duh”. It means “longing for spirit”. Dor-De-Duh.

More importantly, this Romanian metal band was the result of a more well-known Romanian metal band splintering in 2009, Negură Bunget. At the time, two of the three members broke off from the black metal project and formed Dordeduh. Har is their second studio album since 2012. It’s pretty good.

People familiar with Negură Bunget will recognize a lot of the same stuff: harsh, throaty, desperate growls, occasionally folky rhythms, long and sprawling suites, and bongo-type drumming. Unlike Negură Bunget, Dordeduh presents itself as more of a progressive post-metal project that aims to display the prettier side of black metal (oxymoron notwithstanding). I am reminded heavily of established atmospheric and spacious progressive post-metal acts such as Rosetta, the Ocean, Callisto, or Isis with even more attention paid to complexity in song structure and an almost through-composed approach akin to, like, a classical symphony or something.

Usually with albums like this I’m prepared to be completely bored out of my skull, but I’m pretty impressed with how dynamic this album is and how different it seems with each listen. My literal only complaint is that feels LOOOONG, god does it feel long. But, hey, in the right mood you can really lose yourself in this. Have fun!

Early Verdict:


The Armed – ULTRAPOP
(April 16, 2021)

The Armed - ULTRAPOP

The anonymous noisecore outfit from Detroit continues to mystify fans and critics alike. ULTRAPOP is a swirling mess of hyperactive, glossy metallic hardcore and chaotic yelling. Never a dull moment!

The unknown collective adds at least 13 guest musicians to their roster for their fourth album, and all of them spend 39 minutes punishing their poor instruments into a mangled heap. While the drums get a thrashing and the guitars belt out high-pitched and distorted, melodic riffage, everything is constantly awash in neon DayGlo synthesizers.

And it never manages to be boring, in spite of the usual homogeneity of this brand of hardcore music. Occasional slow parts keep the ear fixated, such as most of “Bad Selection”, for example, which sounds like a pleasant and unassuming indie rock song. What I really like about ULTRAPOP is that, even with my complete inability to intellectualize this kind of haphazard music beyond “I like it” or “I don’t like it”, there was no question where this album stood on the rigid dichotomy. Thumbs up all the way.

Early Verdict: