Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9 – “Jedi No More”! In the previous storyline, the Jedi fight the plants and the Jedi win. Even the Hutts get involved. It was a real peace treaty for the ages.

But, d’oh! While they were fighting the Drengir, the Jedi forgot all about the Nihil! And the Nihil done fucked up the Republic Fair.

So, let’s jump back into the regularly scheduled broadcast already in process.

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9 [November, 2021]
Written by: Cavan Scott
“Jedi No More”

This Orla Jareni chick is known as a Wayseeker. “She follows her own path,” I’m told. Not beholden to any faction or temple or outpost. Just the Force, ma’am. And right now, she has been Forced, so to speak, to align with Avar Kriss and the Jedi for some Nihil-bashin’.

Jareni reports back to Starlight that there is no Nihil activity in the Soola system. Wherever that is. Probably by Mars. Right, Star Wars fans?

Suddenly, Jareni’s sensors pick up vibrations from hyperspace. A single stormship emerges, but it’s armed to the teeth. The Beacon requests Jareni’s position, but the stormship is starting to fuck her shit up.

On a nearby craft, Keeve (now “Storm Trennis”) orders Terec to fire when ready. And that ready is now! Make those Nihil bastards eat some serious poo.

Welcome to Flashback Town. The Starlight Beacon is full of Jedi Council members reporting that, after the Nihil attack on Valo’s Republic Fair, the Jedi swarmed Nihil outposts in full force. “They’re running scared,” says Stellan Gios, Jedi X-Treme. Sskeer calls these Nihil “cowards”, but Keeve bites her lip thinking that Sskeer’s tough talk is a bit premature.

“The Twi’lek identified as Lourna Dee, the so-called Eye of the Nihil, is believed dead, killed during the Battle of Galov,” says Maru. “We believe that this is why the Nihil are scattering, their forces in disarray.”

But a new Eye has already taken her place, possibly, maybe, I dunno. The holo shows a few photos of ugly mofos that are ripe for Eye replacement, but there has been no real evidence to support the claim.

Kriss is like “I HAVE EVIDENCE”. She slaps a file on Maru’s desk, next to his #1 Dad mug and his Rubik’s cube, and it says that Nihil forces are amassing in the Soola system. Near Mars. Gios thinks this is poppycock, but Kriss is insistent. And the arguing is making those stupid bald twins nervous.

Jedi Keeve Trennis speaks up!

We fell for a distraction because we’re idiots, sir. Jedi don’t go to real school! We all have, like, a second-grade education!

Keeve makes a salient point: they should do something! Gios agrees, bless his heart, but this isn’t time to go rogue. They must unify and act accordingly. Like sitting ducks.

Later, Kriss commends Keeve for speaking up, but clashing with Gios won’t solve anything (even though she’s one to talk). “What if he’s wrong, Marshal?” Keeve asks with fire in her eyeballs. “What if we’re all wrong? What if we should be doing more?”

Sskeer tries to get his young protege to simmer down, but Keeve will never simmer down! There has to be a better way, godfuckit.

Flashforward back to Storm Trennis and Terec, who are watching Jareni’s vessel get rocked. Keeve wonders if she sent out a distress call, and then gets an idea to send one out herself posing as a Nihil stormship. Meanwhile, Sskeer has a fleet of vectors ready to blast whatever ants or errant oxygen molecules that come across his path. Kriss wonders if he should be leading anything right now – even a book club – in his condition. Sskeer is like “piece of cake”, but then one of the vectors gets attacked and all of the loudest alarms in the world start going off.

“All vectors, prepare for incoming,” says Kriss. “The Nihil have answered our call.”

*Perfect Strangers theme music plays*

Keeve spends two whole pages posing as Nihil and blowing up a vector. Soon, after a hearty battle, the Nihil crap their pants and re-enter hyperspace. Whew! That’s the end of that chapter forever. Who wants TV dinners to celebrate??

Keeve and Terec are now traitors. Fugitives. Ne’er-do-wells. “Firing on a vector?” she thinks. “That’s something I never wanted to do.”

“Even if it was being remote controlled by Ceret back on Ataraxia.” Ha!

“But we had to make the Nihil believe we are who we say we are.”

Back to Flashback Town, where Sskeer approaches a guilty Keeve. She shouldn’t have lost her temper in that manner. Emotions lead to the dark side, after all.

Dark sides such as the Nihil, who Keeve still pretends to be for infiltration purposes.

Kriss’ idea involves Keeve reading Issue #9 and following the same plan.

As part of the plan, Keeve and Terec land on a Nihil outpost. She is to say that her runner is Pan Eyta (presumed dead). She is to present an offering of snack cakes and lottery tickets to get in their good graces, but it doesn’t work. A guard is onto her and starts whipping at her with a red electric whip. She grabs it and wraps it around the guard’s head, passing the test!

“You’re Pan’s tempest, all right,” says the guard, satisfied. Then a guy in some sort of Dr. Robotnik contraption named Zeetar, possible the newest ugly mofo Eye, barges into the area to scope out Keeve. There’s a bunch of Nihil out in the Soola system, near that small red planet, and Keeve is to prove herself by bringing a prisoner in. “If you are who you say you are, you’ll do as you’re told–”

“–and split this stinking Hutt’s skull in two.”

Myarga is presented in chains. Time to kill for the greater good!

Final Thoughts

First of all, are they really going to wrap up a “Keeve infiltrates the Nihil” story in one more issue? This is going to take 40, 50 more issues of comic book action at least! Second of all, who cares about killing Myarga the Hutt? Are the Jedi a bunch of wusses? Tear that bitch up!