Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Silk (Vol. 2), Issue #6! In the previous installment, Silk goes crazy on Goblin Juice and, at the demands of the Goblin King, goes off to find Black Cat so she can dunk her head in the toilet. It doesn’t work though, because not only is Black Cat super strong but she also holds the Goblin Juice antidote! Black Cat shoves a syringe in Silk’s neck and brings her back to normal just in time to do more shenanigans – taking down the Goblin Nation once and for all!
Let the shenanigans ensue.
Silk (Vol. 2), Issue #6 [May, 2016]
Written by: Robbie Thompson
Mockingbird has detained Silk in an interrogation room. She requests kindly that Silk talks about everything that happened while she was absent. Right down to the nittiest of the grittiest of details, please. Spare no trivial particulars. Get sexy if you can.
“You were infected with goblin serum. Black Cat gave you an antidote, which she made with all the tech she’s been stealing… then what happened?”
Silk looks down. Cindy went to work because she didn’t want to get fired for her no-call no-show. Her co-workers greeted her with hearty hugs and cat posters that say “HANG IN THERE, BABY!” They looked into Dr. Ajay Kapoor for her – he’s a physicist! That’s all they got. Sorry they’re not much help, they got totally shitty last night on bathtub gin and jugs of moonshine.
J. Jonah Jameson calls Cindy into his office angrily. As if Jameson had any other disposition.
“Am I in trouble, Mr. Jameson?”
“No.”
“Then why is the door closed?”
“’Cause I want everyone to think you’re in trouble.”
That’s very nice of him, isn’t it? Brings a tear to my eye. Jameson tells Cindy that he was worried about her. Actually worried! I didn’t know that JJJ had the capability to not be an asshole, but here we are! He graciously tells her she can have time off whenever she wants, she just has to ask for it!
Then he’s like “so what’s this big story you’ve been working on that you’ve been all sorts of absent as hell about?”
Cindy told him the story was a dead end. No story. Mockingbird knew this already; Dr. Ajay Kapoor went missing two years ago. “Maybe he’s with my parents,” Cindy jokes darkly. Half-jokes, actually. Maybe there’s something to that? I mean, Cindy’s mom was looking for a cure with him and some others on the team. Maybe they all accidentally fell into a volcano while collecting Volcano Dust for their experiments?
Anyway, Cindy keeps talking to Mockingbird. After her day job, she went to her night job of hangin’ with Black Cat.
Brrt! No! I was… uh… in the closet. Metaphorically! I swear! It’s good to get that off my chest!
Black Cat shows Silk all the stolen tech that wasn’t just for Goblin Antidote Juice. There’s all sorts of stuff, like fancy CSI: Miami software and Salad Shooters that tell the time in Bulgaria. Black Cat doesn’t let the “locked away” thing go, and she presses Silk for more explanation on that. “It wasn’t jail, really,” she says. “I was locked away. For ten years. Alone. Like I said… long story.”
Black Cat apologizes for such a horrible thing. Silk is like “fuhgeddaboutit” and asks Black Cat what her story is…
Mockingbird stops Cindy at this point and reminds her Black Cat is not her friend. “I know,” replies Cindy. “But… she was a good guy once.”
Whatever, man. She’s bad now and she has no redemption arc. Except for the part where she and Silk burned Goblin Nation to the ground! That’s got to count for something, right?! Hello?
Black Cat and Silk had stormed into the underground lair with the intention to spray aerosol Goblin Antidote Juice into the vents and de-goblinify all the creepy crawly goblins. Black Cat takes this opportunity to ask if Silk would like to get promoted to “taking over the criminal underworld of New York City.” Silk sneers at this; asks if getting trapped underground with goblins was part of the “taking over the criminal underworld” plan.
Anyway, they get overrun by goblins, so they try to flee… until they encounter the Goblin King, who welcomes them both with open arms.
Why, thank you! It comes from a bottle of 10-Years-in-a-Bunker.
Goblin King tells Black Cat to kneel. Black Cat is like “no you kneel, sir.” Then Goblin King cackles as if he heard the funniest joke ever from Jeff Dunham before coughing from Goblin Antidote Spray. It slowly takes over the whole room, and the rest of the goblins begin coughing as well. Cough City over here.
“You’ll always be sad, pathetic little Phil Urich,” says Black Cat as Goblin King slowly transforms into some gawky human. “Neither goblin, nor king.” Then she tells Silk to kill the fucker. Phil pisses his pants and starts bargaining. He’ll triple the amount of money Black Cat is paying her! Just please don’t twist his lower intestine into a giant pretzel!
Silk asks where Phil found all the kids. They were homeless and neglected! He was trying to make a better life for them, he swears! Please don’t pretzel up his bowels!
Silk’s eyes get fiery! This douche poisoned these kids! Corrupted them! Gave them too much unhealthy screen time! “Your plan is over, and so are you,” she says before throwing him off of Goblin Nation Castle to what I presume is his timely death.
“Did you know?” asks Mockingbird.
That jerk is still alive? Fuck! I humped his “corpse”! How embarrassing…
Of course Silk knew that Urich would land safely or else she wouldn’t have done something so criminally awful. Who do you think she is? Some sort of Marvel Hero/Villain/Hero/Villain? Please.
Mockingbird has decided that Silk has gotten to close to this whole thing. She’s going to pull Silk from the field, but Silk’s eyes get fiery and she yells “NO!” Actually, she says “NO.” without the exclamation point, but hey. Technicalities.
She backs off after she sees Mockingbird’s hurt expression. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m close. I’ll give you Cat. Her whole organization. She’s up to more than just burning down Goblin Nation.” In return, keep looking for her family. Capisce? Bueno? Danke.
Later, in therapy, Cindy is asked how throwing a man off a roof made her feel. A man who hurt her. Hurt her brother. “Good,” she says in a low voice. The therapist looks concerned. Cindy looks a little giddy until she is told that she needs to work on her anger. “I’m not angry!” she says angrily. Then she apologizes for angrily saying she wasn’t angry and books it out of there embarrassed.
At work, Cindy gets called out by her coworker Lola for looking bored. It’s ok though! “First off: I’m bored too,” says Lola. “Second: It’s quittin’ time. Third? DJ Kidsparkle is spinning over at Mulligan’s. Come on.”
Oh boy, DJ Kidfucker? What a treat for the ages.
Mockingbird and Spider-Woman discuss Silk on their to way to check on Phil Urich, who is handcuffed in an armored car. Mockingbird is giving Silk another chance, but she doesn’t know where she went at the moment. Oh well!
Phil Urich vows revenge on Silk under his breath. Spider-Woman and Mockingbird think he’s a silly goose.
Cindy Moon was found dead in a pile of 128 fl. oz. Slurpee cups. Her last words were “more please”.
Cindy Moon is having fun at Mulligan’s! She dances and prances! What a happy ending!
Final Thoughts
Yo go, gurl. You throw people who hurt your family off of roofs and you don’t feel bad about it ever! Why would you? Fuck this good guy/bad guy dichotemy. Throw a bitch off a roof. It’s good for you.
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