December 31, 2002 – Madison Square Garden, New York, NY

Set One

Piper — 16:32
The crowd goes wild! The first show in two years happens on the magical night of New Year’s Eve! Those first few notes of the hearty “Piper” sends the audience in a dizzying tizzy! Trey is on top of his game! Ha! He gets squeaky with it during the jam, like he’s trying to diddle his guitar with aggressiveness but he can’t find its G-spot.

He calms down at around 6:00 by noodling resplendently while Fish shuffles around on the drums. The crowd gives a round of applause, which means Trey must have made his guitar cum. We’re all happier for it.

Guyute — 10:29
“Guyute” is a dish best served fast. This composed number leaves no room for improvisation, and the merit of a “Guyute” hinges on tightness and energy. THEREFORE, this “Guyute” is middle of the road! Trey is obviously completely loaded with heroin and poppers and formaldehyde already. This going to be a long tour.

Just kidding! This “Guyute” is rootin’-tootin’. The fast, technical part kicks in at 3:45 and Trey holds his own. Not bad after being rusty. It builds into a pretty satisfying frenzy at around 6:45. The crowd goes wild! Someone calm the crowd down!

NICU — 5:22
NICU is an underrated gem. Even the worst ones are pretty good. And here’s a pleasant breather after the first two decent examples of both improvisational and orchestrated Phish. Now we have five minutes of poppy Phish! Page’s organ keyboard effects are bouncy, as always, like he’s playing his keyboard in a bouncy house! No, wait. That’s dumb. But his solo at the six-minute mark is cool. Page always delivers. He’s like an ugly wizard.

Horn — 4:15
Jammy Phish with “Piper”, composed Phish with “Guyute”, poppy Phish with “NICU”, and now mid-tempo rockin’ Phish with “Horn”. And what a “Horn” it is! Just kidding, this song is the same every time and it serves entirely as a breather and a transition piece. “Horn” can go blow itself!

Wilson — 7:18
Ah yes. A concert staple straight from Trey’s miserable Gamehenge rock opera. His college senior thesis, and the band still plays all these songs live. Get over yourself, that was ages ago!

But, ahoy, is that Tom Hanks I hear?? A clip from Cast Away where Tom Hanks screams “WILSSSOOON”?! Clever! They were sitting on that one for two years after the movie came out, I’d bet Mike Gordon’s life on it.

Mound — 6:05
A little bit messy on when the syncopated rhythms come in, but there’s a nice synthesized organ solo from Page during the bridge. Other than that, who cares? It’s “Mound”! People sure are cheering a lot during this one. Maybe people need to raise their expectations.

The Squirming Coil — 7:29
“The Squirming Coil” is always Page’s time to shine on his smug Keith Emerson keyboard equipment (consisting of one keyboard). Always very pretty, he presses the “piano” button and dances around Gordon’s plump bass and Fish’s slow rat-a-tat-tat (drums, you see).

I like a good “Squirming Coil” in the middle of a set. It always feels like a pleasant preamble to a more energetic jam-based number. And that’s exactly what we get.

David Bowie — 12:36
Ahh, that familiar hi-hat opener. Is it “Maze”? Is it “David Bowie”? Who can say? Oh, I can. It’s “David Bowie”.

I typical “David Bowie” clocks in at around 12 minutes, and this one is no exception. The crazy-complicated composed section at the beginning sounds pretty fucking good for an otherwise rusty New Year’s Eve 2002 show. It’s almost as if Trey actually practiced a little bit before he got coked out of his mind?

The jams are pleasant and low-key until about the 8-minute mark when Trey starts coming back to the forefront. Then it’s like BONER TOWN. But no. The end is very energetic. A perfect ending to Set One.

But fuck that! It’s time for Set Two.

Set Two

Waves — 10:55
The debut of “Waves”! Exciting! I like this song, they do give off a certain watery vibe with this one that I appreciate. This particular “Waves” is just about as long as the one from the Round Room studio album.

The opening verses are a little bit off-key and shaky, but this is a debut. They need to get their chops up, son. Trey’s guitar solo is melodic, sharp, and noodley while Page cuts off the edge with his fluttering piano. Mike does his thing.

Have I talked about Fish yet? He does a drum.

Divided Sky — 17:35
“Waves” gets ripcorded straight into the first post-hiatus “Divided Sky”. Phishionados will already know that this song is almost completely composed from start to finish, so a 17-minute runtime means one thing: Trey spends way too much time on the pause! My guess is 14 minutes.

This isn’t the greatest performance of “Divided Sky”. Trey misses some of the high notes and muddles through the tight sections. This song would get so very botched as time goes on during Phish 2.0, but for now just enjoy the general lack of flubbed notes and Mike too busy drowning in pussy to play his bass.

Lawn Boy — 2:51
Page gets to flex his terrible voice for a few minutes. Mike picks at his bass like it’s his nose. Something about olfactory hues. I love “Carini”, let’s move onto “Carini”.

Carini — 9:31
“Carini”! This is one of the more hard-hitting songs in the Phish canon, and this version doesn’t spare the seething vitriol! I’m only a little bit hyperbolic, but the opening notes on Trey’s solo is rougher around the edges than anything we’ve heard so far on New Year’s Eve, 2002. It gets crunchy at around the five-minute mark! A crunchy “Carini”, that’s the good stuff. These nine minutes go by like THIS: *snaps fingers so hard I break my thumb*

Rift — 5:56
Your standard “Rift” doesn’t usually start out with Trey, Mike, and Page singing completely out of key, but this one does! That’s the kind of live experience you can expect with many more 2.0-era Phish shows to come. Fast-paced, notes a-flutter, this is not a “Rift” to miss. Just like all the other “Rift”s that have ever happened!

Harry Hood — 12:07
A noodley reggae opener can only mean one thing: Bob Marley’s ghost has come to visit the stage like a Tupac hologram. Barring that, it’s a second-set “Harry Hood” peaking its way out. Trey bends those strings at 1:30 like he’s entering the 6th dimension, which is just the 3rd dimension since dimensions are circular (I’m told). The jam traipses through lightly, careful to dance around notes with gentle aplomb. All in all, a standard “Harry Hood” to serve as an adequate penultimate Set Two song.

Character Zero — 7:56
Ah yes, Phish’s favorite set closer rears its “Character Zero”-y head. Did you know that Phish closes a set with song roughly 117% of the time? It’s absolutely true! No foolin’

This is a solid version. No worse or better than the other 674 “Character Zero”s. It’s going to be tough to talk about this one every time. I’ll have to get creative. Way more creative than I am with these last three sentences!

Set Three

Sample in a Jar — 5:10
A standard “Sample”.  The audience is cheering like this song matters even a little bit, but they’re just happy the band is back and on drugs and the vibes are tangibly cheerful!

It does end with a nice jam, though. A good Set Three opener if I ever heard one. Better than something like “Scent of a Mule” or something that would cause half the audience to run to the bathroom.

Seven Below — 7:43
The debut of “Seven Below”, which would become one of those 20-minute jams soon enough. It’s tough to get excited about a song that no one has ever heard before, it’s especially tough when Trey keeps flubbing the guitar bridges. Let’s get it together, you soulless ginger you.

It gets better when the jam starts at around 2:30, and the audience won’t stop cheering. My guess is that Mike whipped out his dick and started strumming his bass with it.

Auld Lang Syne– 0:48
Fireworks go off OR a handful of people get murdered, I can’t tell exactly. The band instrumentals their way through “Auld Lang Syne” with another Trey fuck-up. I’m laughing. Phish 2.0 really is something else.

Runaway Jim — 11:44
WHOAAAA-OHHHH-OHHH, OH RUNAWAY JIM! People keep popping off their little novelty poppers while Phish plays the first song of 2003! The soundboard quality is super shitty during the singing, but the jam is solid with Trey bending a lot of his notes, presumably on purpose! I hope! Page shines in this one, hitting a nice fluttery stride around six minutes in. It almost makes me want to learn piano, but then I remember that music really sucks ass and I hate it.

Things get kind of psychedelic by the end, rounding out a overall good “Jim”. Don’t let your grandpa listen to this one! He’ll be like “what are you listening to Phish for, you pussy.”

Time Loves a Hero — 6:29
I don’t know this song. Apparently it’s by Little Feat, a band formed by a Zappa alumnus. That’s all I know and it’s all I care to say about this! Boooo!! Move on!

Taste — 10:20
Your typical “Taste” fare starts mid-to-strong before launching into a pretty lively Page solo around the three minute mark. It’s honestly the most exciting two minutes of the entire show! Then Trey jams his way through a fifth snort of cocaine as he tremolos around eight minutes in. A real TASTE of what to expect in Phish 2.0, you might say!

No one would say that. I apologize for even thinking it.

Strange Design — 3:04
The audience CHEERS as the single most out-of-tune singing of Page’s entire career kicks off a paltry, boring “Strange Design”. Here’s a strange design: the geodesic dome. More like FUCKminster Fuller. Ha!

You can really tell that I’m running out of steam in a big way here. Good thing there’s a fucking 19-minute song coming up.

Walls of the Cave — 19:04
Nobody in the crowd has any idea what they’re in for here. They think this is going to be a normal 2003, but then Phish shoves a massive debut down their throats. Listen to them cheer and clap during the glockenspiel clackin’! Well, to be honest, this is one hell of a “Walls of the Cave”.

Plenty of minutes of pussy-ass dadrock notwithstanding, things pick up in a big way at the eight minute mark and then devolve into some of that tasty Type II jamming around the eleven minute mark. For those of you who are not “in the know”, Type II jamming means “fucking around atonally”, and it’s always awesome.

Finally, the jam gets reigned back in around 16:30 and we close out one of the better Set 3s that anyone could hope for. Especially you, my loyal (for some reason) reader.

Encore

Wading in the Velvet Sea — 7:55
You know what’s a boring encore? Seven minutes and fifty-five seconds of “Wading in the Velvet Sea”, that’s what. These people are already tired! It’s, like, an hour after midnight! We all want to be tucked into our cozy beds! And they’re going to pull out “Wading in the Velvet Sea”?? Wade in my balls.