Cara Connors’ Official Website

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(2023) Straight for Pay

Straight for Pay (2023)
Rating: Kinda Bad

A standup comedian’s first job is supposed to make me laugh. Barring that, a standup comedian’s second job is to tell jokes. Barring THAT, they should at least tell a captivating story in a humorous way. Cara Connors doesn’t really do any of that. She only made me laugh a few times, she doesn’t do jokes so much as observations, and she doesn’t tell stories. I didn’t like Straight for Pay. To get the coveted Sucks rating, though, you have to be any egregious combination of unfunny, unoriginal, or aesthetically offensive. Cara Connors is none of these things either. I don’t even think I can chalk this one up to “not for me”, because maybe it was entirely too much for me.

I found Connors’ set painful and sad. Only Marc Maron can pull off being honest in a painful and sad way because Marc Maron is Marc Maron, and those who know what I mean by that will know what I mean by that! I don’t think this is Cara Connors’ thing. Her act strikes me as a little too real, like her past is so legitimately traumatic and depressing that it would take a mammoth effort to spin it into funny. I feel like Connors doesn’t succeed. Her sham marriage is saddening enough without having to hear about how she went all in on having seven bridesmaids. Her bitter contempt for straightness feels partly due to her attempt to pull it off for so long and failing herself in the process. She clearly has mother issues. She dates people younger than her due to self-confessed immaturity. Therapist infatuation. Panic attacks and social anxiety entering a bar. I wasn’t feeling good by the end of it, like something about all of it was causing me great distress. Like it was bringing up issues of my own (except for therapist infatuation, thank god).

BUT TOM, YOU’RE NOT A GAY WOMAN. Yes, thanks. I may not understand struggling with sexuality and relationships, but I do understand anxiety and depression so insinuating that Connors’ comedy “might not be for me”, while a perfectly valid observation on the surface, isn’t the problem. Give me Cameron Esposito or Tig Notaro over Connors any day.

There are good things! I won’t leave without mentioning the good things! She gave me a good guffaw with her “scream sneeze”, a sneeze that should only really come from dads who haven’t been paid any attention in 20 years. “Why is dad making that noise in the basement *AHHHHH* *AHHHHH*” I liked the observation that straight families, once the kids are born, never take any pictures with the husband in them anymore. I liked the observation because it’s absolutely fucking true, although in my defense I’m voluntarily opting out of getting my damn picture taken. I liked her brief crowd work at the very end of the set where she coached a guy to come up on stage and creepily ask “Are you guys sisters?” so that she could launch into a quick bit about Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap.

Sorry, Cara Connors. Maybe you’re nice and I shouldn’t be mean like this. If you ever read this, I’m very sorry. I’ll definitely check out your next special, though. Hopefully things get better.