I was surprised to see very few spring-themed comic strips today. I thought the Sunday Funnies would be all over that nonsense, reassuring their zealous devotees that the horrible weather cycle is indeed shifting. But no, only a few. Discontinued strip PreTeena even ran an old Christmas comic today! Read the room, bro.

One Big Happy

I always keep a wary eye on One Big Happy, since some of the time it’ll bloat up the panels with religious bullshit without even remembering to include a discernible punchline. I like it better when Ruthie rants and raves like a normal six-year-old brat.

Perhaps a strip like this serves to remind loyal readers and FOX News fans that an ambulance might be involved in helping someone who was mutilated and held captive in a basement for seven years, or maybe a cocaine-addled prepubescent youth who stole his/her dad’s Cadillac and plowed into a railing at 105 mph.

“And even if it’s someday who nobody loves, I know you love ’em,” says Ruthie. God has a whole planet of pity friends. Maybe if no one loves them, you done fucked up, God.

Baldo

Yes, very good joke on paper, but I’ve got problems with it! Does the logic of Baldo’s universe prevent characters from hearing the words when they speak to one another? Do they see what we see: giant white balloons with text within them in lieu of audible speech?

Because if not, then consider all holes fully poked.

Pearls Before Swine

Whoops, once in a while a good comic sneaks in. These crocodiles have been trying to kill and eat the zebra for two decades with zero success, and I’m happily along for the ride no matter how long it’s gonna take!

Although I can never shake the feeling that there’s something incredibly racist behind the characterization and depiction of the crocodiles. The spear in today’s strip kind of clinched it for me, but I might be just some woke crybaby liberal dipshit! Nothing to see here.