It’s officially May and it’s still 50°F in Chicago. For those of you in, like, Perth or London or Pyongyang or literally any other city in 192 other countries in the world, that would be 10°C. It could be worse, but we’ve had one warm, sunny day in six months and I’m getting antsy to stay inside during a beautiful day instead of staying inside during a dreary day! Ha!

How about some Sunday funnies to cure what ails me?

Tina’s Groove

Can you believe if this were actually real?! What if you went to your favorite casual restaurant this weekend and were treated to an updated menu full of passive-aggressive symbols next to all of your favorite options?! I’d certainly have a chuckle!

I don’t know anything about Tina’s Groove, but it apparently ran from 2002 – 2017 without making a single impression upon my mushy little comic-reading brain. I don’t think my newspaper had it. So, I suppose they still run old strips. Unlike other defunct comics that still run old strips, Tina’s Groove doesn’t even try to line up old dates with current dates, it seems. This particular comic is from April 29, 2007! It least run 2011. That lines up with 2022 nicely!

See, this is the shit I’m ranting about today. I must be tired.

meloidogyne: “Maybe there could be a poultry symbol to indicate that all ingredients are fresh and there are live chickens in the kitchen!”
activist1234: “Indeed! We all need to be reminded as to what goes on in the kitchen. Perhaps a rain cloud to indicate server spit on our food.”
Jogger2: “Before I read the caption, I thought the tile symbol was a cracker.”

Gotta side with Jogger2 on this one. I, too, thought it was a cracker. That is, until I read the caption as well! Then I didn’t think it was a cracker anymore!

Crankshaft

First of all, shout-out to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers! They don’t get much recognition outside of…well, Crankshaft, I guess. I thought this strip was based in Ohio? Perhaps loyal readers can send in their college and professional team sweatshirts for Jeff from Crankshaft to wear live in the Sunday strips. Kind of like Tim Allen with Home Improvement, shilling all those colleges in Michigan all the time.

Second of all, no one looks good in their driver’s license photo. It’s one of those indisputable laws of nature. My advice is to lean into it next time. Wear a clown wig, or cover yourself in blood. Or both! Then when a fat fucking cop pulls you over for a traffic violation, you both can have a good laugh before he shoots you in the face.

Woonkers: “You stay in shape because it’s good for you.”
Kitty Morrissy: “Staying in shape doesn’t have much to do with a face photo.”
J. J. O’Malley: “Well, next time you could try not going to the DMV looking like Sally Jessy Raphael circa 2001.”
Steve Henry: “Well I could shave your behind, and you could learn to walk backward. I already shave down there. So you are saying walking backward will make me look more attractive? Yes, and if you bend over while doing it. You might be able to work at the Valentine.”

Steve Henry oversharing, making it weird, being a crass, gross loser, and maintaining complete inscrutability at the same time. Cheers to Steve Henry!

Edge City

See! Edge City ended a while back too, but they line up the dates! Make some notes, Tina’s Groove. They picked a May 1st! Granted, it’s from 2002, and May 1, 2002 was a Wednesday, but hey! This looks like a Sunday strip! And that’s what matters to me.

There’s nothing really of note about the punchline here. I just wanted to bring attention to Len Ardin eating an entire jar of pickles. Since Edge City portrays the mundane lives of a Jewish-American family, and since dill pickles are kosher, this only makes sense! However, Len’s going to have to get some blood pressure medication soon if he makes a habit out of it.

Robert Elliott: “She’s telling him that Carly is signed up for soccer camp. Since he is her soccer coach wouldn’t he already know that?”

I don’t know, Robert Elliott. You raise a very good point. Perhaps you should write an angry letter to Edge City headquarters and complain about this discrepancy within the rich Edge City canon.