I really, really like NewsRadio, guys. Criminally underrated sitcom. CRIMINALLY. Someone should go to jail about this.

I bitched and moaned for, like, a decade for NewsRadio to show up on a streaming service. I had the DVDs but some of them were all fucked up a scratched and bent and pooped upon. Finally, like an angel from heaven sent by God herself to blow me, NewsRadio was available on Amazon Prime. And now I’m available to watch it! All 5 seasons, even the abysmal Jon Lovitz season. It’s ripe for the picking, baby!

The Premise

New York City has the city’s most kickass all-news radio station: WNYX. Change of the guard! The station is now headed by fledgling news director Dave Nelson (Dave Foley)! Physical gags aplenty, smart writing, this show was made for the college-educated in mind! Like me! Maybe you too, but if you’re the kind of person who appreciates my blog humor then you’re probably in the age range of 11 – 16.

Season 1 is short with only 7 episodes, but the tone of the show was firmly established already. Some of the absurdism isn’t happening yet, but we’ll get to that as the series progresses! Hoo boy!

My Half-Baked Thoughts

Since there are only seven episodes of Season 1 of this helplessly ’90s sitcom, I’ll use this space in its entirety to rank the characters! Well, I’ll rank them with respect to their Season 1 presence. This list shifts around over time (especially when one of them gets murdered between Season 4 and Season 5).

8) Joe Garrelli (Joe Rogan)
Most of Joe’s screen time is spent being a somewhat macho piece of shit, and he isn’t really fleshed out yet to be the electrically- and mechanically-inclined genius that he will be shortly. Plus, he has this real douchebag earring that reminds me of a simpler time when OJ Simpson’s glove didn’t fit (so one must acquit).

I found the problem, Dave. This six-second porn video takes 45 minutes to download on your shitty 1995 laptop.

Joe’s best moment is when Lisa confronts him about her office affair with Dave, but he was under the impression that she caught him hanging out with a very flamboyantly homosexual friend. Either Joe is gay, or Joe hangs out with a very flamboyantly gay friend! Both cases are excellent, but it’s not enough to hoist him out of the bottom spot. In a nutshell, Joe on NewsRadio is very much like the conspiracy theory-touting real Joe Rogan, and that’s bullshit and I won’t stand for it.

7) Catherine Duke (Khandi Alexander)
I think I would place Catherine firmly in the 7th spot anyway, but most of this ranking comes from her exceptionally low screen time throughout the duration of the season. I’d be surprised if she had even ten lines. Mostly they were just “fuck you, Bill” and “fuck you, Dave”. Both cases are excellent, but it’s not enough to hoist her out of the 7th spot. See what I did there?

Catherine’s best moment is when she pretended to know nothing about the Big Bonus even after Dave made the decision to give her the Big Bonus King Solomon-style. “I guess you just gotta know how to play the game, honey.” Snap snap, son.

6) Lisa Miller (Maura Tierney)
Things get tough around Rank 6 because this cast is so goddamned strong. Strong like bull. Or reinforced concrete, at least with respect to compression strength! I guess what I’m saying is, even though Lisa is cute as a button, she gets the 6th spot. Basically, of all the personalities on the show, Lisa’s is the most grounded. Her intelligence and sarcasm are always appreciated, but she mostly spends Season 1 as Dave’s love interest. That’s is an awful use of her character.

Lisa’s best moments are the little reveals that she’s kind of a slut. As in, among other things, she wants to fuck in the studio booth. Good for her.

We all know that Dave is the much bigger slut, though.

5) Dave Nelson (Dave Foley)
Dave and Lisa are pretty evenly matched for similar reasons, but Dave eeks out ahead because he gets a lot more screen time and flexes the most sarcastic attitude of the cast. This matches sublimely with his 13-year-old good looks. It’s refreshing to see children in positions of authority in television.

Dave, being the straight man, gets more leeway on his ranking. All the KOOKY CHARACTERS AROUND HIM have to carry most of the weight with their KOOKY PREDICAMENTS. The most Dave has to worry about is Phil Hartman bitching about his desk, or breaking up with Janeane Garofalo because she murders Lisa Miller in cold blood. You know, serious stuff.

Dave’s best moments are his interactions with Jimmy James. This is because Jimmy is a better character than Dave, and Dave has to bend over and take it in his role as the foil! I also like it when all the other characters make Dave bend over and take it. It happens a lot.

4) Matthew Brock (Andy Dick)
I’m happy to proclaim right here on this blog that Andy Dick’s performance on NewsRadio is the only thing I’ve ever liked about Andy Dick. And not only that, but he gets to be in the top half of my ranking?? Remarkable!

Not pictured: The mountains of cocaine stored in Andy Dick’s home closet.

You can all rest assured that Andy Dick publicly exposes his genitals roughly 99.999% less on NewsRadio than he does in real life, guaranteed! In fact, Matthew Brock is mildly flamboyant, rather mild-mannered, and only off-putting in a way a normal co-worker would be. Plus, he’s quite funny.

Matthew’s best moment is the on-air mispronunciation of “Joey Buttafuoco”, which I’m kinda surprised they got away with in 1995 network TV. Obviously, they gallivanted around the actual mispronunciation with respectable aplomb, but it’s still almost directly mentioned.

3) Beth (Vicki Lewis)
Good ol’ Beth. No last name, just floating by with her four-letter appellation. Like Cher.

Early on, Beth is firmly established as a completely useless secretary. Not necessarily rude, loud, or brash, but she certainly has a personality. I’m surprised at how tame her outfits are this early on. They get progressively more revealing and office-unfriendly as time goes on.

That red-headed bitch is a bitch.

Beth’s defining moment is when she makes a move on Bill while he escorts her to a broadcaster’s luncheon. This may also be Bill’s defining moment, honestly. The whole episode led up to Bill’s sleazy, less-than-innocent motivations for taking Beth out on a date and subverting it by making Beth the sexual molester. Funny stuff!

2) Jimmy James (Stephen Root)
By the time I actually watched NewsRadio for the first time, I had seen nothing but miserable buffoonery and antisocial sad-sackery from all of Root’s characters. Bill from King of the Hill and Milton from Office Space are the big two that everyone knows. There are others, but I’m not doing your homework for you! Do your own Stephen Root homework.

Jimmy has enviable confidence and boisterousness, but why the hell wouldn’t he? He’s rich as fuck and doesn’t give a dick about anything. He exhibits kindness, humanity and generosity. He’s like Bill Dauterive without all the atrociousness.

“You don’t DESERVE William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive!”

Dave: “Oh, uh, Mr. James. I didn’t see you come in.”
Jimmy: “Yeah, well, I’m like, uh, that magician guy. What’s his name?”
Dave: “Um, David Copperfield?”
Jimmy: “Nope.”
Dave: “Siegfried?”
Jimmy: “Uh-uh.”
Dave: “Roy?”
Jimmy: “That’s the one.”

1) Bill NcNeal (Phil Hartman)
No shit that Bill NcNeal is the best character. Did you really expect that Phil Hartman wouldn’t be the best character in a TV show with Phil Hartman in it? For shame, sir.

Bill McNeal has some incredible nuance that you don’t see in all the other characters. Masterful sleaziness — a nice, constant patina of sleaziness — and you never actually see or hear Bill do or say something distinctly sleazy (Flanderized, as it may be, as the series progresses). In fact, often subverted. Beth jumps Bill’s bones and Bill spends the rest of the episode traumatized and offended, but you never know if he was playing it up or not. I remember a scene in Season 2 where Beth shows Bill a nude photo of herself with a paper bag over her head (and a drawn-on smile). Bill critiques it as an art piece, and when asked if it’s sexy he gets mad at her for undermining the artist’s intent of the photo as a social commentary. Then he tells Matthew that “Beth is showing naked photos of herself with a paper bag over her head. Check it out.”

Hi, I’m Phil Hartman. You might remember me from such news articles as “Celebrity Shot in the Brain”

Worth the Watch?

Fuckin’ A is NewsRadio worth the watch. No early installment weirdness at all, except maybe the shakiness of the pilot with no Joe Rogan or Khandi Alexander. The show is established firmly already, and if you don’t laugh at anything out loud then this show is not for you + you’re dumb.