Tagline:
When the cops are busy… Our only hope is…

Wide Release Date:
August 6, 2010

Directed by:
Adam McKay
Written by:
Adam McKay, Chris Henchy
Produced by:
Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Jimmy Miller, Patrick Crowley

Starring:
Will Ferrell
Mark Wahlberg
Eva Mendes
Michael Keaton
Steve Coogan
Ray Stevenson
Samuel L. Jackson
Dwayne Johnson

PREGAME THOUGHTS

Once upon a time, I had some friends. Impossible. Unimaginable. But it’s true. And I often liked to hang out with these friends. Also impossible. Also unimaginable. But it’s also true.

During the post-Christmas week in 2010, I hung out with said friends at one of their very lavish houses in the middle of a very rural town. The enchanted evening involved watching two movies: Police Academy and The Other Guys. As the lesser of two evils, I preferred this one.

That isn’t to say I particularly loved the movie. I’m usually a very hard sell on the wacky comedies, especially when Will Ferrell is involved, but I found this one to be particularly inoffensive to my high standards and refined sensibilities. Plus, I liked that Will Ferrell’s version of the foil here was toned down considerably from the out-of-control caricatures he usually plays. I’m looking at you, Ron Burgundy.

I was a 23-year-old dimwit at the time. Let’s see if it holds up.

THE 450(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

Welcome to the New York Police Department. Samuel L. Jackson plays the badass Detective P.K. Highsmith. Dwayne “The Rock” “The Paper” “The Scissors” Johnson plays badass Detective Christopher Danson. The whole precinct loves them. They get the job done. They’re drowning in pussy.

They die within the first 15 minutes.

Yippee-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker!

This movie isn’t about them. This movie is about the other guys: Detective Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell) and Detective Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg). Gamble happily works a desk job as a forensic accountant. Hoitz grumpily works a desk job after shooting Derek Jeter during the 2009 World Series. They’re partners, Hoitz doesn’t like it, and he’s not shy about making that very clear all fucking day, every day.

A routine case involving a permit violation by the wealthy David Ershon (Steve Coogan) turns out to be something much bigger involving Eshon’s client, Lendl Global, to whom he owes money. Lendl Global hired mercenaries to threaten Ershon into paying back his debts. Things escalate.

Along the way, Hoitz meets Gamble’s wife Shiela (Eva Mendes) whom he wants to bone. Allen is incredibly rude toward her every chance he gets. We see about nine other hot women in the movie give Gamble attention, both exes and randos, who make Hoitz all jealous and weird.

That’s right, babe. Mark Wahlberg ain’t my type.

Antics ensue. Gamble used to be a pimp and he accidentally slips into pimp talk with hilarious results! Hoitz throws Gamble’s gift out a car window! Comedy, man, it’s everywhere!

Soon, the killing of Ershon’s attorney (after he had learned of Ershon’s attempt to cover his debt instead of paying it back) causes a snag in the case, which leaves Captain Gene Mauch (Michael Keaton) angered. He sends Hoitz to beat patrol and sends Gamble to direct traffic. Eventually, they both admit to missing each other. It’s SO ADORABLE.

While off the case, Allen decides to continuing working it independently and discover that the two dead mofos from earlier were investigating Lendl Global’s mercenary leader, Roger Wesley (Ray Stevenson) and his robbery of an accounting firm. This break in the case pleases Michael Keaton, who has a second job at Bed Bath & Beyond. The whole Ershon thing was a sticky wicket for Michael Keaton, whose job is on the line if he meddles too hard into it. He approves of Gamble and Hoitz’s investigation off-the-books.

WOOO!! CELEBRATION!!

YET ANOTHER REVELATION! Ershon is trying to siphon money from the police department’s pension fund to cover his debt. Boo to that! The transaction is already in process! Things are tense, sort of, maybe, I don’t know.

Everything comes to a head at the bank, where Gamble and Hoitz attempt to halt the transfer. Everyone shoots each other, Ershon gets arrested for embezzlement, Wesley gets arrested for murder, everyone else lives happily ever after.

You read all that? What a waste of your time.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — Will Ferrell

My opinion of Will Ferrell has flip-flopped over the last 25 years. I found his tenure on SNL to be hit-and-miss. Great characters included Alex Trebek, Harry Caray, Robert Goulet, the Night at the Roxbury guy, and James Lipton. Abysmal characters included Craig the Cheerleader, Marty Culp the music teacher, and the More Cowbell guy (seriously, fuck that sketch).

Of course, when he was funny, he was very funny. Old School is a fucking classic, and it’s a movie worth revisiting every time you think about it. When he was annoying, he was very annoying. His Ron Burgundy character was the worst thing to happen in the 2000s, even worse than six 9/11s! Imagine beginning college right when that movie was at its peak. Every Joe Dipshit Douchebag spouted off “I’m in a glass case of emotion!” and “Milk was a bad choice!” and “LOUD NOISES!”. It made me want to hurl a brick into a face. And it made me hate Will Ferrell more than I ever had before.

Click clack click clack I’m just typin’ away on my computer! Click clack I’m the straight man in the film!

Then he was in a weird string of these sports movies. Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory, and Semi-Pro. I didn’t watch any of those. I didn’t care.

He’s good in this movie, though, but by now his career was starting to wane. A new decade and Ferrell-fever was dissipating. This is about when the real Will Ferrell started coming out. Not Will Ferrell the Character. Will Ferrell the Person. He’s a good father to three kids. He participates in fundraising programs. He donates to charity. He’s an all-around good guy. And now that I’ve finally seen him as something human, something other than a funny-boy caricature, I can safely say that Will Ferrell is a real cool dude.

He’s lucky he has my endorsement.

TOPIC 2 — Mark Wahlberg

This guy, by contrast, sucks. He’s not as completely awful as he looks. He looks like he has racked up a couple dozen sexual harassments charges. He looks like he beats his wife on a semi-monthly basis. He looks like he sets up cameras in women’s bathrooms in Macy’s. But he doesn’t do any of those things. He is a devout Catholic who has set up charities for youth programs and is active in The Good Shepherd Center for Homeless Women and Children. It sickens me.

Not Pictured: A non-douchebag on the left.

However, I still want to hate the guy, so here’s a funny story! Mark Wahlberg was supposed to be on American Airlines Flight 11, but changed his plans at the last minute. Later, he tells Men’s Journal that if he had been on the flight he would have thwarted the terrorists single-handedly.

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” Wahlberg said. “There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

How’s that for some fragile masculinity? I’m laughing my ass off here! Fuck Mark Wahlberg.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

The idea of teaming up of Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg had been gestating since The 79th Annual Academy Awards (2007), where Will had been viciously insulting other actors as part of a bit, but became extremely polite to Mark.
It sounds like the joke here was that no one deserves more vicious insults hurled at him more than Mark Wahlberg. The person in 2nd place is not even close.

Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg also made a cameo appearance on WWE Raw (1993) to promote the film.
Yuck, really? Why? They needed to capture the wrestling aficionado demographic? Sounds like the last people you’d want stinking up the movie theater.

There was a possibility of Mark Wahlberg and Michael Keaton also working together in Batman Forever years earlier, as Mark Wahlberg was considered to play Robin, and Michael Keaton was offered the chance to wear the cape again.
Oh dude, Mark Wahlberg as Robin? Can I LOL any harder? Can you imagine Marky Mark running around in tights throwing rocks at black children? I sure can.

To the Batmobile!

In Italy the film was called, “The Reserve Police”.
And in Slovenia the film was called “Ugly Incompetent Men Fill In”. In Finland the film is called “Men of a Certain Otherness”.

Angel Picard-Ami’s debut.
I’m sorry, whos is this? Some extra at the cocaine crime scene or something? This is not trivia.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

Meh. Not really, honestly. I think I may have laughed out loud twice: when Ferrell barrels into the crime scene, running over the body with his car and blowing cocaine all over the place, and the simple phrase “apartment pop!”. These two for sure.

Other than that, there are about a trillion other Will Ferrell movies that are more memorable. Also, Mark Wahlberg sucks, so steer clear of him.