Hello this is Bob Jones and hello! I am doing well thank you. My reputation precedes me as I am the foremost lunch expert you will ever meet in your lifetime. All manner of lunch! I eat lunch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I have very strict rules about all things related to lunch. But I’m also easy-going about lunch! Anything goes when it comes to lunch as long as you follow all the lunch rules.

Ice cream is not for lunch! Don’t even try to tell me it’s for lunch or I will walk out on you without even saying goodbye, sir. And I’m not one to do that. I am very nice and polite but when it comes to matters of lunch I do not fool around and I take it seriously! Lunch is sacred and if you don’t respect the Sanctity of Lunch then I we will have to agree to disagree even if I don’t agree.

Back to ice cream though. Ice cream is VERY ACCEPTABLE when it comes to that post-lunch event we all know and love: dessert. Not as good as lunch but what on Earth could be?! Again you should not question that at all. Please. I will always have dessert after a lunch even if I’m full. It’s only correct! What is lunch without dessert? Why it’s lunch of course! And that would be just fine.

I’m quite partial to Ben and Jerry’s ice cream if I do say so myself. Delicious and sugary and there are many flavors to enjoy. From Cherry Garcia to the others that aren’t Cherry Garcia and then that one with the funny guy Jimmy Fallon on it! It’s the best thing since sliced lunch.

Allow me, Bob Jones, to showcase some of the best recent flavors I have in the locked freezer in my office next to my desk. Don’t tell anyone! I could be fired and then I can’t afford buy any more ice cream.

Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Crumble
Buttery Ice Cream with Cherries & Swirls of Oat Crumble.

A delicacy to be sure, my friends! I usually partake in the fantastic staple of the Ben & Jerry’s classic flavors: Cherry Garcia. A simple blend of cherry ice cream with fudge flakes! Now, I’m not one to enjoy Grateful Dead at all since I find their music VERY unappealing to my sensibilities and that awful Jerry Garcia was a degenerate and not even close to a good influence to the children. But I do enjoy the ice cream that was influenced by Garcia’s pothead rock music, it pains me to say. But when it comes to the matters of desserts I am amenable to anything as long as it follows a well-rounded lunch!

Imagine my thrill to discover a new similar flavor without the association with such a rude man such as Jerry Garcia. Cherry Crumble! Cherries with oat crumble? I am in heaven! The crumble provides a pleasing crunch to compliment the cherry indulgence! I am of course not at all exaggerating when I say that I am finding myself eating three pints of this treasure in a single sitting. My doctor tells me that this is not good for me but how does he know what is good for me or not? Maybe he should spend a day in Bob Jones’ shoes. He would find them very comfortable.

Ben and Jerry’s Milk & Cookies
Vanilla ice cream with a chocolate cookie swirl, chocolate chip, and chocolate chocolate chip cookies.

What could be better than milk and cookies? The answer to this, my friends, is many things since milk and cookies are associated with snacks and not lunch. Always remember the Sanctity of Lunch. As a snack though I’m no enemy to the throes of milk and cookies, and now you’re telling me it exists in ice cream form?! I assure you that this makes an old man happy (young at heart, though!!!! lol!!!!!)

Although I enjoy the beloved Oreo, they are not Bob Jones’ favorite cookie by a long shot. Give me a Chips Ahoy! or anything by those adorable Keebler Elves any day of the week. And don’t even get me started on Hydrox, the loathsome bastard step-brother of the Oreo. Is there anyone buying Hydrox on purpose? I refuse to even acknowledge its existence any further, lunch be damned!

Ben and Jerry’s Thick Mint
Mint ice cream with chocolate cookie swirls & mint chocolate cookie balls topped with chocolatey ganache & chocolate cookies.

Whoa doggies, that’s a whole lot of mint and chocolate! Such a huge flavor that even the picture is larger! I’m reminded of those delicious Andes chocolate mints that I love oh so much and am able to eat 20 at a time! Not good for my blood sugar, but if only I could find one on my pillow instead of 20 in a box then Bob Jones would be a happier camper. As it stands, I need to keep away from the Andes mints for my own sake!

But this Thick Mint ice cream is certainly the bee’s knees. A perfect companion to lunch is a mint-flavored dessert and Ben & Jerry’s delivers in spades, my friends. The only thing that would be better about this ice cream is if it were loading to the brim with succulent Andes chocolate mints, but then Bob Jones would be stamping his one-way ticket to the hospital! You think I am joking, but I’m as serious as the diabetic heart attack that would put me six feet into the ground! Oh! Oh! I don’t even want to think about it any longer!

Ben and Jerry’s Dirt Cake
Vanilla pudding ice cream with chocolate sandwich cookies & chocolate cookie swirls topped with milk chocolatey ganache & chocolate cookie crumbles.

THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE. “Dirt” cake? Ben and Jerry are upsetting Bob Jones’ sense of aesthetics with his particular “treat”! For the sake of all that is holy and cherished by Lunch itself, do not indulge in any foods that claim to be of the soil from the earth! I of course do not mean fruits and vegetables and grains and herbs and spices, but rather the worm and bug-infested mud and filth below the ground! Do not even get me started on this any further, you will not be pleased to see me huffing and puffing.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen! This has been Bob Jones’ Foodie Review! Rest assured that there will be many more installments to come as I am good friends with Tom and he has so graciously allowed me to jot down my thoughts right here on his lovely website.

May the Lunch be with you. Lunch Long and Prosper.