Oh man, Happy Halloween y’all. Tricks and treats and ghosts and ghoulies and candy with razor blades in them and toilet paper and eggs and effigies and Satanic rituals and murders and rapes and pumpkins and cider.

And comics! It doesn’t get any better than this!

Mother Goose & Grimm

A subtle joke about fucking. This is one for the grown-ups! Someone’s gonna get sucked tonight!

I’m sorry, I realized that this particular strip has offended my sensibilities and I intend to write an angry letter to my local newspaper about this. I don’t have a subscription to my local newspaper, but they just lost a prospective customer.

You know what? That sounds like a lot of work. I realized that I don’t mind this particular strip after all. I’m glad I could work this all out in real time.

Shoe

I don’t know, it looks like Uncle Fatso has the sweet life to me. I can barely find five minutes to myself on a daily basis, so a sedentary existence of junk food, TV, and a really comfortable outfit is the dream right now! I don’t even own a pair of sweatpants. My life is in shambles.

Garfield

Congratulations to everyone born between 1946 and 1964, today’s Garfield strip is for you! Your notorious hatred of pumpkin spice is validated.

But perhaps you’re not catatonically perplexed by the punchline here like I am? It seems macabre for your average Garfield fare. The tables have turned for the squirrels, yes, but what exactly is a squirrel squeezin? Did this pumpkin hire some muscle to wring out a squirrel to death? Would it have been too morbid to make the liquid in the bowl a deep red?

One thing’s for certain. Stay away from that fucking pumpkin.

Mallard Fillmore

BONUS MALLARD FILLMORE. For a split second I thought this was supposed to be a rare moment of self-deprecation and self-awareness, but the Cult of Trump has the capacity for neither. So the man with the male-pattern baldness ponytail symbolizes your average left-wing socialist piece of shit! And, lo’ and behold, a wry comment on the spoOooOOOookiness of Donald J. Purmpt!

Of course, the infestation of MAGA wasps with their pickled brains did a lot of projection in the comments.

Saul of Tarsus: “Get over it Karen. I will take a million mean tweets as long as it comes with the successful economy, freedom, national sovereignty, respect by foreign powers, more peace deals and America first.”

The pot calling the kettle Karen, I see! I wasn’t aware that freedom was off the table during a democrat presidency, but maybe I’m not paying enough attention! Or maybe I’m paying too much attention and that’s why I want to strangle myself with piano wire right now.

Dumpeagle: “I went into a YouTube chat last night on a liberal talking head video…mostly young people, they weren’t overly rude, but the stuff they were earnestly discussing was absolutely insane…apparently, Trump lives in their heads 24/7…I pointed out he hasn’t been in charge for almost 2 years now, it went right over their heads…”

Once in a while I like to “mingle” with the “kids” and join one of them “Youtube chats”. Maybe the guy writing a comic strip showing a Trump sign on a lawn in 2022 could tell you a thing or two about a former president living in someone’s head 24/7.

Old Nerd: “My wife turned on the radio and her favorite “easy listening” station is play Christmas music. ACK!”

Read the room, Old Nerd! We are not here to discuss family-friendly unpolitical matters! You take your wife’s favorite “easy listening” station and shove it up her cornhole! This is about lambasting our Grandpa-in-Chief! Show some respect for the pervasive animosity toward America’s executive branch! ACK!