December is upon us and with it comes Christmas trees that shoot sap at my face, various flavors of nog, the loathsome Frosty the Snowman special, pretty girls bludgeoning me in the face with mistletoe tied to baseball bats, and stockings stuffed with rat feces. This all assumes that you’re a good Christian who celebrates God’s Favorite Holiday™. If you’re Jewish and do the Chanukah thing, then enjoy your dreidels made out of rat feces, your menorahs made out of LEDs, and your eight nights of blissful, interminable family time.

Now get out of my office. Here’s some Sunday comics, you wretched heathens.

Between Friends

This one is actually kind of funny! That makes it harder to make fun of, but I’ll at least point out that Harv is nowhere to be found. The first sign that Susan was struggling with a pickle jar caused Harv to flee swiftly without looking back, likely also knocking down many garbage cans as he hurried through the back alley.

There’s a lot to admire about Harv. Susan can’t even open a pickle jar! I think I’ve made my case clear.

Family Circus

Billy should really listen to his inner devil more often and not let that punk-ass inner angel boss him around. Can you think of a better lie than “MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN!”, because I certainly cannot. In any case, Mom and Dad are getting a phone call.

Besides Billy running from his burning house, I found his constipated expression in Panel 1 very relatable. I’ve been there buddy, sweating in the classroom because I didn’t do my homework. My reason was simpler: I didn’t want to fucking do it. I skipped an entire project on Nova Scotia in 6th Grade because it was terminally boring. Here in 2022, if you told me to point to Nova Scotia on a map I’d probably show you Myanmar.

Mary Worth

Am I in an episode of… “The Twilight Zone”? *bug eyes*

As if it wasn’t obvious enough, Iris has to explain to the reading audience as much as she can that, yes, she and Nan look very similar. Let’s table that for now, because it’s the last panel that should really make you queasy. I don’t care how long I was in a relationship with someone, I don’t care how far along we were in the wedding preparations, if my significant other and their hot babysitter went back and forth with a “yummy yummy yummy for my tummy tummy tummy” inside joke, I would be running for the hills!

Iris has a chance here to get away, and maybe she can find a kid she used to babysit who looks like Zak! Everyone wins.