My sister, Nicole, is nine years older than me. While I\’m  a scrappy little kid figuring out the world around me, she\’s already a teenager in the early-mid \’90s doing her own thing and listening to her own music. And she didn\’t have much patience for the likes of me at the time, who could blame her?

I wasn\’t terribly interested in her music collection when I was a kid (or ever, for that matter, honestly), but Nicole did prove to be a pretty strong influence for comedy at an early age. Throughout the \’90s we were able to bond over movies like Wayne\’s World, Ferris Bueller\’s Day Off, Ace Venture: Pet Detective (we both agree that the first Ace Ventura movie is better than the second, much to the chagrin of every other person on Earth), Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Dumb and Dumber, Austin Powers, Tommy Boy, National Lampoon\’s Vacation, Uncle Buck, and a plethora of others. Nicole turned me on to the Simpsons when I was 3. Beavis and Butthead when I was 5. South Park when I was 10 when it was brand new. I didn\’t even watch a drama until I was probably 14 years old. Who needs that dry, sullen, miserable shit when you have Jim Carrey flailing about the screen, man?

There was always a certain exciting forbidden aspect to watching these movies intended for 13-year-olds OooOooOOOOoooo when you\’re still young enough to be in the demographic to enjoy Nick Jr. Now just imagine the thrill when, in 1996, Nicole brought home Adam Sandler\’s What the Hell Happened to Me? comedy album. This wasn\’t just some mass-marketed movie that I know millions of people had watched, this was an artifact brought into our home for our own personal, private indulgence. Its presence in our home was almost perverse. And, holy shit, it was dirty! Filthy! Horrid skits about creepy old men, farting hypnotists, raunchy talking goats, public sex, crass mothers, all of them with terrible curse words! A smattering of rude, crude songs about fuckin\’, about a shitty car, about getting high! Have you heard \”Steve Polychronopolous\”? I felt like I was besmirching the name of God just by listening to something so edgy, insensitive, and savage! I felt alive! ALIVE!

My 9-Year-Old Comedy Audio-Bible

Give me a break, I was barely nine-years-old at the time. It saddens me, actually, to know that I\’ll never experience such visceral thrills ever again from something so banal and essentially harmless (as it turns out). But at the time I really thought I was indulging in something completely hellish and universally inappropriate, and it was certainly a coming-of-age experience. Again, it\’s Adam-Fucking-Sandler. I feel stupid for even talking about him in this way.

Between me and my sister, two more Adam Sandler CDs would be purchased over the next five years or so. Each one was about 20 tracks with five or six being actual songs, the rest skits. Of course, being the young flourishing comedy nerd that I was, I vastly enjoyed the skits over the songs, but that isn\’t to say that I wrote off the songs completely. I enjoyed most of them, but I remember finding no interest in the singing, the melodies, or the instruments whatsoever. Just the words, only the words, nothing but the words. BUT, fuck it, I rightfully consider it my first foray into the realm of appreciation for SOMETHING music-related. It counts.

I got my first portable CD player from my parents for my 14th birthday. It was a red Sony, the kind that skips when you turn it on its side. The look of disappointment on my face was not only noticed, but expected. They all knew I had no interest in music at the time. My mother gently told me that it was an experimental gift and I was encouraged to see how it goes; no pressure. I started out by buying a couple of Simpsons television soundtracks. This was 2001, and 9/11 had happened just 20 or so days ago, I was still rattled as fuck, and I found the music comforting. By now I was fully entrenched in music performance as a high school band student, so absorbing the music from this new perspective was interesting. Of course, I use \”music\” loosely here, it was all a bunch of semi-artless novelty tunes. Other than that I was buying stand-up comedy records.

It wasn\’t until early December of the same year that I took the plunge and purchased my first ever CD of music by an individual that is widely recognized, and begrudgingly so in most circles I\’m sure, as a legitimate artist in the business: \”Weird Al\” Yankovic\’s Bad Hair Day. This was a huge step for me, but I figured the amalgam of comedy and music was a perfect starting point. Unlike before with the Adam Sandler records, I found myself unexpectedly preferring the music over the lyrics! On a goddamn Weird Al CD! My friends, this was the beginning of my new life.

I got more to say but not now! Smell ya later, homes.