Tagline:
The Star Wars saga continues…

Wide Release Date:
May 21, 1980

Directed by:
Irvin Kershner
Screenplay by:
Leigh Brackett, Lawrence Kasdan
Story by:
George Lucas
Produced by:
Gary Kurtz

Starring:
Mark Hamill
Harrison Ford
Carrie Fisher
Billy Dee Williams
Anthony Daniels
David Prowse
Kenny Baker
Peter Mayhew
Frank Oz

PREGAME THOUGHTS

Hot off the heels of my very first voluntary viewing of A New Hope, here I present my first voluntary viewing of The Empire Strikes Back. Chills.

Considered the best movie in the franchise, and a rare example of a sequel that is claimed to be better than its predecessor, The Empire Strikes Back is a HALLMARK of space opera science fiction containing flamboyant droids, lightsabers, and pointed-eared green Muppets. You can take that to the bank.

The only other thing I know about this movie is that Yoda is in it! Also, something about Billy Dee Williams dying? Maybe?

THE 500(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

The Empire is mad, and it’s striking back, baby! The year is 3 ABY (did I get that right? Hey, look at me doing the Star Wars timeline thing), and Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) is searching the galaxy for the Rebel Alliance. He finds a base on the icy planet of Hoth. He strikes. Oh, does he ever strike.

Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), meanwhile, is a nerd who almost freezes to death while out investigating one of the Empire’s probes. During his near-death experience, he sees a vision of Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) instructing him to visit the planet Dagobah to train to become one of those Jedi-type guys. There’s a green Muppet who’s going to help the shit out of him.

During the battle on Hoth, Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), Leia (Carrie Fisher), and C-3PO (a robot) escape on the Millennium Falcon and hide in an asteroid field. It’s tense. And sexy. Han Solo sexes Leia up, or at least makes some disrespectful advances toward her at any rate. Meanwhile, Darth Vader and his bounty hunter Boba Fett pursue the Millennium Falcon.

Daft Punk is here to tear it up!

Luke travels to Dagobah with R2-D2 to find this Yoda (Frank Oz) character. Yoda doesn’t really want to train Luke, he thinks he smells. Part of Luke’s training involves bottling up all those negative emotions that could lead one astray to the dark side of the force. He doesn’t listen to this very well; he’s all angry and angsty and frustrated. He fails at lifting an X-wing craft out of a swamp, which Yoda is able to do like it’s his job. Which it kind of is. Luke wises up and realizes the true power of the Force.

Meanwhile, Han Solo and his team are able to evade the Imperial whatchamacallits and end up in the Cloud City on some planet, I forget its name. They meet Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams), an old friend of Han’s, but Vader has already gotten to him first. Swayed by Vader, Lando betrays the Rebels and turns them over to the Empire like a total dickhead. This is all a trap to lure Luke to the Cloud City to save his buddies.

And it works. Luke gets a vision of the Rebels in trouble and, against the wishes of both Obi-Wan Kenobi’s spooky ghost and Yoda, halts his training to go rescue them.

Vader freezes Han in carbonite to assist Boba Fett into turning him over to Jabba the Hutt. Before this happens, Leia’s like “I love you” and Han’s like “duh”. Lando helps rescue Leia and Chewie and they leave on the Falcon before Luke shows up. Luke and Vader have a swordfight, which culminates in Vader burning off Luke’s hand. This is the (spoiler alert) part where (spoiler alert) Vader confesses to Luke that (spoiler alert) he is Luke’s father! Oh snap! Mark Hamill makes a really dumb crybaby face over this.

Take it easy. You’re acting like you just lost an appendage or something.

Luke ends up falling down a shaft and outside of the city, where he hangs onto an antenna for dear life. Lando and the crew rescue him before Imperial forces shoot him down.

Luke gets a kickass robot prosthetic hand on a Rebel starship. Lando and Chewie leave on the Falcon to go find Han Solo. Everyone has a pizza party.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — General Movie Thoughts

I was wary at first since I don’t like enormous action scenes, and the battle at Hoth with those giant walkers made me slightly glaze over. What can I say, I’m not good with action scenes. It’s one of my seven trillion flaws as a *checks notes* human being.

HOWEVER, soon enough we were in business! The goofabouts with Yoda on Dagobah where he’s like “fuck this kid, he ain’t gonna learn shit“. Han and Leia visiting Han’s sexy old buddy Lando Calrissian and the subsequent betrayal. Han getting locked up in some cozy carbonite. All compelling, all riveting, I found almost of all of The Empire Strikes Back excellent. Having not seen <em>Return of the Jedi</em> yet I OBVIOUSLY CAN’T AGREE WITH THE “BEST MOVIE OF THE FRANCHISE” SENTIMENT AT THIS JUNCTURE, but I can’t see how this movie can be topped.

I can’t think of another movie that ends with the stakes so high. Han Solo is inches from death and being traded in to Jabba the Hut, prompting Lando to go find him with Chewbacca. Darth Vader is Luke’s father and whatnot, filling Luke with very conflicting feelings. Luke has a robot hand now, presumably useful to crush all his enemies with a literal iron fist!

I look forward to seeing how the next movie wraps it up. Or doesn’t. I know there are a million Star Wars books out there aiming to fill in the gaps. Like I need another hobby to tie up my time.

Or maybe I could spend my free time learning Jedi calisthenics.

TOPIC 2 — Han and Leia

See, I was always under the impression that Luke and Leia were into each other, and that the eventual reveal that they’re twin siblings (which I know about already) would have made this a huge Jaime/Cersei Lannister situation. Nothing in the first two movies suggests that they’re romantically involved, and I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to see one of them grossed out at the prospect of being into a member of their own family! The single most disappointing thing about Star Wars to date!

Instead, we get to see Leia fawn over Han, which is fine even if he’s basically 15 years older than her. At least it’s not incest! That I know of! But I like this relationship better, since Luke Skywalker is a whiny little punk and Han Solo is a generous hunk of man. Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford had incredible chemistry on set, which is probably because they were fucking each other behind the scenes. Nevertheless, Han and Leia’s interactions and arguments with one another are one of my favorite things so far about the original trilogy.

But yes, Fisher and Ford were having an affair during filming of A New Hope. Then Ford divorced his wife, reigniting the Fisher/Ford relationship during filming of The Empire Strikes Back. So, the next time you’re watching Star Wars and recognizing the chemistry between the two, just remember that they were boning between takes! Thank you, and good night.

Leia, you see that blimp in the far distance? The one that’s exploding? Reminds me of Alderaan.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

Mark Hamill had to bang his head sixteen times on the ceiling of Yoda’s hut before director Irvin Kershner was satisfied with the scene.
“We can’t wrap up shooting for the day until our lead actors are concussed! Take it from the top!”

George Lucas was so impressed by Frank Oz’s performance as Yoda that he spent thousands of dollars on an advertising campaign to try and get him an Oscar nomination for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Lucas’ campaign ultimately failed because it was felt that a puppeteer wasn’t an actor. Lucas felt this wasn’t fair to Oz, who honestly didn’t care.
I laughed out loud at those last four words. Frank Oz is such a baller.

When Mark Hamill was having trouble with the Dagobah scenes with Yoda, Frank Oz brought in Miss Piggy to make him laugh.
I want to give Mark Hamill a noogie so hard.

Listen, you don’t become the best pilot in the galaxy without smooching a few boners along the way.

Originally in the asteroid scene, one of the asteroids was actually a shoe. The rumor is that George Lucas asked the visual effects people to redo the scene so many times that they got annoyed and one of them threw in his or her shoe. Later remastered versions have corrected this.
Did George W. Bush dodge this one too?

Harrison Ford wanted Han Solo to die at the end of this movie, and he did not want to play the character again.
I love that Harrison Ford was such a Harrison Ford back in the day. It’s endearing.

Shortly after release, Darth Vader’s name was changed to Lord Fener in Italy. This is because the word “vader’ in italian sounds like “toilet”.
That would make his son Luke Toilet! Are y’all laughing?!

Security surrounding this movie was so intense that George Lucas had regular reports about “leaks” from actors and actresses.
As in, the cast kept peeing their pants! Get it! That’s funny! I’m 35 years old.

I thought the famous Wookiee bearhug involved a lot less thumbs against the windpipe.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

Yes, I was wary near the beginning since the Hoth battle scene went on a little long for my liking, but the rest of the film is excellent. Of course it’s excellent, it’s one of the most critically acclaimed genre fiction movies of all time! It’s worth a watch. I can’t believe you actually read through this garbage.