Gather ’round, ladies and other ladies and, if there’s enough room, gentlemen too, maybe. Today we have another novel that you won’t want to throw into the firepit anytime soon. The coveted THIRD book in the Wheel of Time series: The Dragon Reborn! More aimless wandering and braid-tugging and exclamations of “Light!” and “Burn me!” await as we crack open this 645-paged bad boy an embark upon another useless adventure!

I kid. Actually, I think everything is starting to click with this book. I finally understand who the major players are (Rand, Egwene, Mat, Jim, Nancy, Betty, and Paper Mario) and have a pretty good lay of the land with respect to the nameless continent they inhabit and travel within. Someone will be like “I have to go to Caemlyn” and I’ll be like “I know where that is!” without having to check the meticulously detailed map. I have a good sense of everyone’s individuality and personality traits. for instance, Rand is boring and useless. Mat is sneaky and lucky. Perrin is boring but not useless. Nynaeve is angry and bitchy. Moiraine is cold and bitchy. Egwene is naïve and not bitchy. Elayne is practical and occasionally snarky. Lan is boring and snarky. Min rules and she needs to be in these books way more than she is.

I can tell that this is when the series is starting really pick up steam. These first few books have been all about Lews Therin being reincarnated and the quest of defeating Ba’alzamon, who is trapped within Shayol Ghul. There are seven pieces of the Triforce that must remain intact, but each Horcrux that gets destroyed is one step closer to the Dark One getting set free. The thing is, they seem to have addressed almost all of this already and there are still 12 books to go! The question of who Rand is has been definitively answered, and all of The Dragon Reborn is about hunting him down as he travels to Tear to grab the Sword That Cannot Be Touched and shit. This all sounds very nerdy, doesn’t? That’s because it is.

I like the introduction of Mat POV chapters. My dude spent all of The Great Hunt dying of Dagger Poisoning, so once those White Tower bitches cure his ass and set him all up with all that free food he finally gets to embark on his own adventure. Mat always did seem more interesting the other two guys, and I’m happy to discover that it’s true. He gambles with brigands and sleeps in beds with Thom Merrilin. I like that Mat is luckier than he is smart and it’s the only reason why he didn’t die at the hands of the Gray Men up to 12 times. What Mat shenanigans will follow next? Maybe he’ll play at dice with half of the Forsaken? Maybe he’ll find another “t” to add to the end of his name? I cannot wait to see!

Just like before, they went a little overboard with the dream chapters (especially Perrin and his fucking wolf dreams, bleh). This time, though, they introduce the concept of Tel’aran’rhiod — The Unseen World. Egwene discovers that she is able to sleep her way into this realm of a woken dream and kind of, you know, fuck around in it the way she pleases. At least she’ll eventually learn to do this I’m sure. Right now it’s too dangerous, except for the part where she used it to totally mess up some Black Ajah and escape her Stone of Tear cell with Nynaeve and Elayne. Anyway, any time that Egwene had a Tel’aran’rhiod dream it was much better than anything Rand or Perrin ever dreamt about. More Egwene dreams, please.

I see everyone had fallen asleep around the firepit! Entering your very own Tel’aran’rhiods, are we? Tee hee. Let’s open the floor for discussion.

BOOK BONFIRE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS!

Explain the concept of fate. How does fate relate to Rand’s situation?
“EXPLAIN THE CONCEPT OF FATE”? Look, pal, I ain’t explaining no concept of fate to nobody, ok? That’s a heavy subject worthy of a separate Dear Journal-type post where I make fun of fate for 1200 words.

With respect to Rand’s situation, though, it doesn’t seem that fate is driving Rand as much as the other way around. We don’t get to see Rand’s point of view for most of the book (thank god), but all signs point to Rand doing what he’s prophesized to do because he’s literally going mad with power and he just wants it to stop. It’s hard to tell what’s actually driving his journey from Falme to Tear other than a seemingly insatiable need to grab that fucking Callandor sword before he completely loses his fool mind. I think he thinks that taking the sword and defeating Ba’alzamon once and for all will finally rid him of this burden… until it’s realized that the Ba’alzamon he killed is just some guy in a Ba’alzamon disguise and they still need to go on their little adventure. Sorry, Rand. You need to go crazy for at least another book!

Rand is also fated to poop his pants, you might say. Guess what? Prophecy fulfilled!

Perrin and Faile’s relationship seems to begin from a point of antagonism. How can contrast at the beginning of a relationship strength it?
This is an easy one! Perrin and Faile are in love with each other and they’re bickering and dunking on each other because they’re flirting, you idiots. There’s really nothing more to say about this. They’re going to fuck at the beginning of Book 4 and it’s going to be so graphic that you’ll wish your scrambled Playboy channel was even more scrambled just to take the edge off.

What’s Nynaeve’s problem?
Right? What a bitch!

Honestly, though, I really like Nynaeve. She seems to be a very polarizing character, though. Maybe those that don’t like her are reminded of their own mothers. She’s quick to anger and very insecure, but in a way that’s funny to me. Like, she’ll get pissed off at the stupidest stuff, like a locked door or another woman who thinks she knows her herbs.

Robert Jordan created a character who can only channel when she gets mad, so he obviously had to contrive some situations where she will get mad. As these books go on, I can already tell that she’s working harder to get mad on purpose in order to do her thing, and I’m learning that it’s not too hard to do anyway.

Anyway, what’s Nynaeve’s problem? She’s a control freak who no longer has control of literally any situation. That’s her problem. And it’s never going to go away.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Unless I start reading these books one after another, it’s going to take me years to finish this series up. But I’m invested as shit; these books are fantastic. I heard Book 4, The Shadow Rising, is among the very best. I’ll have to get to it sooner rather than later for sure.