Tagline:
This Holiday, discover your inner elf.

Wide Release Date:
November 7, 2003

Directed by:
Jon Favreau
Written by:
David Berenbaum
Produced by:
Jon Berg, Todd Komarnicki, Shauna Robertson

Starring:
Will Ferrell
James Caan
Zooey Deschanel
Mary Steenburgen
Daniel Tay
Edward Asner
Bob Newhart

PREGAME THOUGHTS

I saw this in freshman year of college, 2005. Back then, they had little offices where you could rent DVDs for free before the age of streaming. Good times.

I don’t remember a THING about Elf except that Zooey Deschanel had blond hair, which is the opposite hair color that I prefer Zooey Deschanel to have. Obviously, the movie barely left an impression. Let’s try again.

THE 600(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

Once upon a midnight dreary — Christmas Eve, to be precise — Santa (Ed Asner) fucks up by accidentally stealing a baby from an orphanage. Instead of returning the baby to the orphanage like he should have, Santa instead opts to let the elves decide to raise the kid amongst themselves. “Papa Elf” (Bob Newhart) adopts him as his own child. His name is Buddy and he grows up to be 6’3″ Will Ferrell, full of energy and positivity and childlike glee. He struggles doing elf stuff, such as making toys quickly, and he overhears a conversation about how he’s actually a human. Papa Elf spills the beans on Buddy’s origin story: his dad is James Caan aka Walter, his mom is some lady who put him up for adoption, and he can find his family in New York City. Beautiful! Buddy sets out to New York City to find his dad and instill some Christmas cheer into the old grump’s withered heart.

You look like an idiot, Buddy. Put some green clothes on.

Upon arriving in NYC, Buddy gallivants around town making a public spectacle out of himself. Running into traffic. Eating gum off handrails. He happens upon the Empire State Building where Walter works, but is quickly escorted out by security who sarcastically tell him that, dressed up as an elf, Buddy should be at Gimbels department store. He takes the advice and gallivants around the store a bit before bumping into and meeting Jovie (Zooey Deschanel), a young woman working as one of Santa’s elves in the store. She really Zooey Deschanels her performance, I’ll tell you that much. You probably don’t have to use much of your imagination. Buddy “falls in love” in a very PG way even though Jovie has no reason whatsoever to reciprocate romantic interest. When Buddy learns that the mall Santa will start showing up the next day, he spends the whole evening alone in the store decorating. Too bad that the Gimbels Santa is a sham. An Artie Lange sham, if you will. Buddy makes a scene and gets sent to jail.

Walter bails Buddy out of jail for some reason and allows for an administration of a DNA test to confirm that Buddy is indeed his son. Buddy is indeed his son. Walter takes Buddy home to meet his family: wife Emily (Mary Steenburgen) and son Michael (Daniel Tay). Emily, because she’s possibly mentally challenged in some way, wants to take care of Buddy until he “comes to his senses”. Michael isn’t too keen on the overgrown elf, but he warms up Buddy after he helps him in a snowball fight against his bullies. Michael then plays wingman and gets Buddy to ask Jovie out on a date. She accepts for some reason, has a good time in spite of everything, and kisses him at the end of the date for reasons I cannot fathom.

Welcome to Gimbels where the elves are all sarcastically thrilled to see you!

Walter takes Buddy to work, where visiting best-selling children’s author Miles Finch (Peter Dinklage) gets belittled (ha!) by Buddy who mistakes him for an elf. Peter Dinklage kicks his ass. Casterly Rock! This causes Walter to hoot and holler at him, disown him, and throw his feces at him. Buddy is sad and leaves.

The last third of the movie is a bunch of Santa shit. Santa’s sleigh won’t work unless everyone believes in Santa. Well, no one believes in Santa. That is, until, everyone starts believing in Santa. Santa’s sleigh works when Walter believes in Santa. Walter isn’t mad at Buddy anymore. Buddy writes a picture book about himself, which Walter sells as part of his new publishing company. Buddy and Jovie get married and have a baby named Susie. They visit Papa Elf. Everyone has a good Christmas. L’Chaim.

Just wait until he rips a huge fart on ya, Papa Elf. And I’m not talking about the baby.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — General Movie Thoughts

I’m only slightly charmed by Will Ferrell’s antics in Elf. Ferrell can be very hit or miss for me, and seeing Elf for the first time after seeing Anchorman (which I didn’t like) but before seeing Old School (which I barely liked more) probably didn’t help. I thought trying it again about 18 years later with a more open mind would help, but I more often than not find Ferrell’s portrayal of Buddy the Elf annoying, and not in a good way. In fact, I spent a lot of time cringing. Call me a jerk, I don’t care.

I liked the part where he awkwardly ascended the escalator, though. That was funny!

Welcome to Gimbels where the elves are 6’3″ tall and afraid of escalators!

The romance subplot with Zooey Deschanel’s Jovie is bereft of chemistry, even for a light and heartfelt Christmas flick. Deschanel puts on her usual dry performance and I never really believe that she became somewhat infatuated with this 6ft-tall childlike elf and his off-putting social behavior. If I took a lady out on a date and she was running around the revolving doors of building entrance, you can bet your butt that I wouldn’t want to kiss her later. Unless she was extremely good looking. But even then? Pfft. Uh… maybe.

And are we just to accept that Mary Steenburgen’s Emily is willing to take in his husband’s bastard son, a grown-ass man who thinks he’s an elf? Oh no no no, I don’t think so. I would’ve smacked his tuchus with a frying pan and sent him on his merry way.

James Caan’s performance as Buddy’s biological father was great, though, and probably the most relatable character in the movie. I’d be acting the same way, with even less patience, about this weirdo dropping into my life. I like to think that Caan hated Ferrell’s performance and found him obnoxious both on and off the set. The irritation from his character was definitely real. I wouldn’t put up with Will Ferrell prancing around either. I would’ve smacked his tuchus with a baseball bat and sent him on his merry way.

Mmmm, syrupy spaghetti.

The absolute best part of the movie was the surprise appearance of Peter Dinklage as an arrogant best-selling children’s author who beats the shit out of Buddy for calling him an elf. Just imagine Tyrion Lannister jumping Sandor Clegane and chewing his ear off Mike Tyson-style for calling him an imp. Not that it would’ve disfigured him much more than he already had been! Will Ferrell could stand to lose an ear or two, though.

TOPIC 2 — Faizon Love

I didn’t get a screenshot of Faizon Love, but Faizon Love rules. End of story.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

Several minor traffic accidents occurred when Will Ferrell walked through the Lincoln Tunnel in his costume, because people were so surprised (and distracted from their driving) to see him wearing an elf outfit.
You just know that they used “minor” as a qualifier because they’re hiding the fact that there was at least one “major” accident. Like a decapitation.

The scene when Buddy eats different candies and pastries with the spaghetti noodles had to be shot twice, because Will Ferrell vomited the first time.
“Hey Will, you fucked this up the first time! Throw more shit on top of shit and try it again until we get it right!”

Maple syrup, Hershey’s syrup, M&Ms, Pop Tarts, noodles, all with undertones of vomit and bile.

Wanda Sykes was originally slated to play the Gimbel’s Manager but backed out at the last minute. She was replaced by Faizon Love, who insisted on still wearing the nametag made for Sykes, which is why his tag inexplicably says “Wanda”.
Faizon Love rules, end of story.

Bob Newhart claimed that of all the fan mail he received, usually half of it was for “Elf”.
Ah yes, Bob Newhart’s over-the-top Elf role. Famous for being extremely memorable. Not at all Bob Newhart-y like the rest of Bob Newhart’s characters for the last 80 years.

Before making the film, Jon Favreau would observe his 1-year-old son, Max, to get ideas for what Buddy might do. As Favreau notes, Max was his barometer for how believable Buddy’s antics were.
*blub* *drool* *snort* Thank you, Max. This is perfect.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

I’m going to be honest here, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. My guess is that you had to be super young for your first Elf viewing to want to see it year after year. I personally found most of the movie dull, with the middle act of Buddy getting used to New York and his family the only part I really enjoyed. It’s a good family movie, though. Maybe I’ll show it to my kids one day, and they’ll be like “who’s the weird guy prancing around in tights?” And I’ll be like “the funniest man of my generation, apparently.”