Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: She-Hulk (Vol. 3), Issue #6 – “Blue (Part 2)”! In the previous installment… so you know that “blue file” that contains a bunch of defendants for a mysterious North Dakota case that no one got served for? Well, even mentioning the case to the other defendants caused a weird fugue tizzy. Why, Hellcat was trying to talk about it to her friend Tigra and then Tigra tried to fight Hellcat and then tried to commit suicide!!

And then the guy at the county records office in Crosby, North Dakota shoots Angie Huang in the head after she recovers an important file from the office…

EVERYTHING IS SO CURIOUS! And this is the last issue of the story! What nail-biting events will hang our cliffs, so to speak?

She-Hulk (Vol. 3), Issue #6 [September, 2014]
Written by: Charles Soule
“Blue (Part 2)”

Over the phone with Wyatt (who is accidentally dangling a group of kids over a cliff during a rock climbing expedition), Jennifer Walters goes over the long list of defendants in the North Dakota trial. All the records seem to have been purged, and no one knows nor remembers anything about it.

So after telling Wyatt all about the case, which she shouldn’t have done, Walters listened to the message that Patsy Walker left her, which she should have done first!

In a snap of a jiffy, Walters arrives at the hotel where Walker is recuperating. Tigra is standing there, too, all “I ‘unno what happened.” But it seems to be the name “George Saywitz” that triggers something in the ol’ brain after saying it out loud. Why it doesn’t work on She-Hulk or Hellcat, I don’t know. Maybe it’s something in the lesbian gene?! Sorry, that was uncalled for.

…

She’s dying of bullet syndrome via gun poisoning, but let’s not dwell on it right now.

Well, there’s still some shit to check out, at any rate. She wonders how Angie “Bullet in the Head” Huang is doing right now…

Well, she’s not dead! I wouldn’t have bet money on that! But only because her stinky monkey breathed some weird stinky breath into her mouth and revived her. “WHUUUUUUF” she says, coming back to Earth. After patting around her pockets she discovers that everything on her person has been stolen, including her phone, her wallet, the important documents, a pineapple, and a nuclear bomb detonation device shaped like a dog bone. At least her memory is still intact! Time to give Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk, just in case you forgot) the bad news!

Back in Walters’ Brooklyn office, she is paid a visit by Dr. Kevin Trench and his flattop-era Grace Jones-lookin’ wife. Walters and Trench are happy to see each other; it’s been an age! He still puts on the Nightwatch suit from time to time, but only if he has to. No patrols. No superhero orgies. Unfortunately.

After catching up, Trench gets down to brass tacks. “I received a warning that I shouldn’t speak to you, for my own safety. And so, I decided to come speak to you.” He smiles serenely. “So tell me, Jennifer, why am I not supposed to talk to you.”

So she jabberjaws about the stupid George Saywitz case, boring me to tears yet again! If you say the wrong word – let’s just say it’s “bananas” even though it’s not “bananas” — you may get all homicidal and suicidal. And that’s just bananas!

They don’t talk much more before they discover Mrs. Trench gunning down a bunch of shrouded goblins that look like Stitch from Lilo & Stitch, all saying “Jennifer Walters” as they die. Walters gets Hulky and helps for nine pages. Trench gets Nightwatchy and jerks his dick.

She-Hulk sees a vision of a little Hulk girl holding a balloon. Very odd, but the creatures were destroyed before She-Hulk can see more of the vision. Let’s put it out of our heads forever, then!

More creatures come in and my eyes are lolling in the back of my head. I haven’t had a good panel to post in a while, so here’s a taste of what’s going on:

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Anyway, it’s over.

“Any idea what those things were?” Trench asks.

“None,” Walters responds. “Never seen ‘em before. They seem demony to you?”

“Very. Definite odor of brimstone when they dematerialized.”

CURIOUS! YEAH, LET’S INTRODUCE MORE BULLSHIT TO LEAVE THE THREADS HANGING AT THE END OF THIS. GOOD WORK, CHARLES SOULE.

Trench decides to leave even though Walters told him literally nothing about the case other than “I can’t talk about the case.”

Patsy Walker returns from the hospital and apologizes for not being around when the Stitch demons attacked. Walters is like “That’s ok! You don’t have powers anyway! I mean, whoops!”

Well sir, Walker gets into it, she does. “I do have powers!” and “You’re a cunt!” So if you don’t want her there, just say so. Cunt.

Man, I wish all the panels could be this interesting!

Tensions are through the roof now, and to make things worse Sharon the landlord pops into the office for a chat about how damaging the building ain’t cool, m’kay? Walters tries to fight it with legalese for about six seconds before conceding. Then she retires to her desk to shove her face into her oversized green hands. BUT SOMEONE COMES IN TO SAVE THE DAY PROBABLY?

“There you are! I’ve been trying to call.” It’s Angie Huang and she’s back from the dead!

Here’s the skinny: they’re all being sued for wrongful death and emotional distress. A whole town disappeared, Saywitz was the only survivor, and he’s blaming a pile of superheroes and supervillains. “I saw evidence of reality-warping, too. Someone’s trying to cover their tracks, hide what they did.”

INTERESTING! Go on…

“We’re done working on the blue file. Finished. Finito. You get me?” Walters says to a flabbergasted Huang. She walks away salty, but professional as all get-out. Walker says that Walters was a little bit mean to the best paralegal this side of the Mississippi.

Anyway, Walters get a phone call from Trench. He couldn’t help but notice how down in the dumps she is about the current state of her fledging business! So, he’s throwing her name around town! The Trench Bump! Enjoy that shit, you’ll be drowning in superheroes who need to avoid getting sued soon enough!

And, ten seconds later, the reception area is filled up with sad-sacks and mopes waiting for Walters’ representation.

“…let’s get to work,” smiles Walters with the worst fucking art I’ve ever seen, holy christ.

Gah!

Final Thoughts

Well wasn’t that a whiz-bang corker of a story! Since the Marvel NOW! She-Hulk has only 12 issues, we only have one story to go before everything gets wrapped up in the neatest little package in town.

Of course, I won’t get to the next storyline until 2128 so who cares? See you in the funny pages, nerds.