Nope, I haven’t given up on this feature quite yet! This may be the first and only Sucky Funnies Sunday of 2025, but by god I’m going to give it my all.

I’m already tired. Let’s just get on with it.

Ziggy

Today’s Ziggy is quite cerebral. I didn’t even understand it at first. I was like “What the hell is Hollaiwood” but then I understood the subtleties of the joke. “Uh-oh” is right, Ziggy, my hapless bald friend. Ziggy, on his way to a shoot at the Warner Brothers lot for his hilarious sitcom “That’s My Ziggy!”, drives by the new Hollywood sign where he gets the news that he has been replaced by a robot actor. A robot actor that’s much better than him at acting.

Or, more likely, Ziggy busses tables at Starbucks while trying to get anybody to read his screenplay. That’s Los Angeles for you. Where dreams go to die.

Crankshaft

While Ziggy tackles the heady subject of Artificial Intelligence, Crankshaft waxes nostalgic about the days of yore. I see a lot of myself in Ralph as someone who refuses to give up his iTunes and iPods, but this guy probably putters along Route 45 at 20 mph in a car that spews gallons of exhaust and makes an awful racket that sounds like someone threw a handful of ball bearings down a garbage disposal.

That is to say, the community hates Ralph and his stupid car where he plays 8-tracks of ABBA at decibels that rival rocket launches. Fuck that guy.

Mary Worth

And it would be a Sucky Funnies Sunday without peaking into the current ongoings of Mary Worth. I feel like I’ve stumbled upon the conclusion of an arc here, so I can only speculate as to what Olive’s “gifts” are. It’s either Satanic black magicks, or her extremely wet pussy. Or both! What goes on in her bedroom of whips and chains and summoning circles is none of my business.

But let’s not forget the elephant in the room here. New York City is lousy with plummeting air conditioner units threatening to kill pedestrians. It’s the leading cause of death in the city next to runaway taxis and the homeless. Thank god that Mary Worth survived, now we have decades of wisdom still to come. Because, like our favorite octogenarian Mary Worth herself, the strip will never, ever die.

And that’s comforting.

Like a toothache.