Oh boy, is it Sunday already? What a fucking treat.

Todd the Dinosaur

Todd the Dinosaur has been around since 2001? How have I never heard of this comic strip before? Its debut in the newspapers the biggest tragedy of that year by a long shot.

What kind of dinosaur is Todd supposed to be? He looks like a shark with extra chromosomes. And, apparently, Patrick Roberts worried (incorrectly) that he could face hefty fines for name-dropping “The Batman” so he made the reference vague and, therefore, timeless! Remember when that kid shot up the movie theater during a screening of the Dark Knight Rises? I don’t think letting a dinosaur in a movie theater during a Batman film would be any less savage.

Andy Capp

Don’t you hate it when you’re trying to spend a quiet Sunday morning fishing, and the goddamned well-dressed vicar shows up to bust your balls? It’s like everywhere I go, there he is! It’s infuriating.

Mary Worth

Aha, remember a couple of weeks ago when Toby was inadvertently flirting with one of her students? Well, Helen the Miserable Tenured Shrew is here to project her withered, musty jealousy all over the place.

Toby is still playing stupid, or maybe she really is that stupid, but it’s clear to me that the last fourteen days of Mary Worth strips haven’t developed the plot one centimeter further in a forward direction.

I’m glad Helen is hep to the lingo, keeping the young kids interested in this ancient crumbling comic strip with a line like “I’ll say it again for the people in the back…”. If only there were handclap emojis between each and every one of those shameful words.