Welcome to Buffyness and Nightlurkers Presents: Angel: After the Fall, Issue #5 – “After the Fall (Part 5)”! In the previous installment, Angel finds his champion! Groosalugg, the ever-positive and whimsical. Meanwhile, Gunn literally blows up the Wolfram & Hart building, and since Wes is tied to the building, he immediately phases out of existence.

This is the thrilling conclusion of the storyline. Will Angel win in the end?

(Of course he will, that bastard.)

Angel: After the Fall, Issue #5 [March, 2008]
Written by: Bryan Lynch / Joss Whedon
“After the Fall (Part 5)”

Check out the cover. The gang’s all here looking grumpy! I’m in for a barrel of fucking laughs, I can already tell.

Wes finds himself in a white void. He sees a shattered projection of rubble and shrapnel from the decimated Wolfram & Hart building. Wes speaks to the disembodied voice of a Wolfram & Hart representative who tells him that his work is far from over. Wes gets snippy and sarcastic, saying that he wasn’t aware that he was supposed to keep an eye on the building, but now he certainly will while it’s a pile of flaming metal and wood!

The entity removes Wes’ mouth. “Quiet,” it growls. Of Angel, his blood is going to be on Wes’ hands. “Which is disappointing,” the voice says. “We really wanted it on ours.”

Back in Silver Lake, Lorne is despondent that Wes disappeared right before his very red eyeballs. Also, that Angel is probably going to get himself killed with all this Lord-fighting business. Also, that Spike is… he’s a sad motherfucker, is what he is. Lorne feels bad for all of them. “I thought Fred was the victim, but when all is said and done, she wins. She’s in Heaven.”

One of the two white-dressed, nameless women argues that Heaven isn’t Heaven without loved ones. Lorne just stares at them. “You sing a lot of gibberish, ladies, but sometimes you stumble onto a meaningful verse. Let’s get to work.”

Get to work doing what? Ripping Fred from not-Heaven? Good luck with that bullshit. You’re going to need spells and large tomes with skulls on them to do that kind of business. Trust me, I’ve been there!

Was I always such a sexy hunk of man? *growls seductively*

Elsewhere, Angel is shaving in front of a mirror with which he can see his reflection! So he really is human, isn’t he? I don’t remember how that really happened. Maybe he lost about 4,000,000,000 brain cells and started watching NASCAR on Sundays. That’s humanity for you.

“Big day. Fight to the death. Have to be ready. I should have spent the last couple of hours learning about Groo’s weapons. But I can’t face Hell’s champions with stubble.”

Cute. Angel walks over toward what used to be the Wolfram & Hart building and wonders who might have dunnit. “Could be nothing. Buildings in Hell come down all the time. Some grow mouths. It’s a thing.” He goes on to say that the object projecting the “vampire glamour” is untouched and will only die when he does. So not only is this Hell, but there’s an object keeping Angel alive as a human? Is that right? After five issues I’m still kind of lost. Reading this stuff was a dumb idea!

Anyway, Angel flies away on his magic dragon.

In Beverly Hills, Spike’s harem is outfitted to the nines with armor and weapons. “They’re expecting me to fight,” Spike says, definitely not outfitted to the nines with anything of importance. “They want me to charge in like a damned white knight and take down the Big Bad Angel.” Spike continues bitching and moaning about the plan whilst Illyria tells him it’s a good plan. Spike says it’s demonstratively NOT a good plan.

“We’re not retreating,” insists Illyria. Spike continues complaining. “Look, love. You’re not well and I don’t know what to do for you. We have to get out of here, sneak out the back, and try some new digs.”

Suddenly, they both see something off panel and are like “brrrt!!” We’ll get back to that in a second. Next, we have to see what that little pissant Connor is up to in Santa Monica (jerking off). Everyone’s leaving to watch the fight, it seems. The Lords are all stupid, though, because once Angel gets all fucked up, they’re going to be next. A tale as old as time!

Connor has the top of his building outfitted with a very large automatic weapon. One of those ones you need to sit at to do anything. One of his many ladies is manning the thing. “Though not sure I’m the one who should be behind it. Got an itchy trigger finger. Got an itchy everything.”

♫♫♪ And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon… ♫♪♫♪

Connor is pretty optimistic about the outcome, though! He’s getting hella snubbed, so that must be a good sign! At any rate, Angel obviously wants to do this alone, so let him. Let the idiot go at this alone.

The Lords and their champions ready themselves on a hovering chunk of dirt above a nice Los Angeles park. “Five minutes! Five minutes until the blood!”

Gunn and his group are there to watch the action. If the Lords start being bitches and take down civilians, Gunn’s got his new a-hole tearing gloves.

The place is crowded with civilians, though, so it seems very unlikely that there won’t be any casualties.

One of the Lords lays out the rules for the civilians: 1) know who your Lords are and don’t defect to other stronger, more virile Lords, and 2) if any of you little punks get in the way of a kill, they’re going to pick you up, fly high, and drop you. Like this!

*picks up a guy, flies high, and drops him*

Angel comes in with his dragon and catches the guy in mid-air. He has two rules as well: 1) he dies, then it’s business as usual, or 2) he wins, everyone goes free! Rule 2 is the better rule by a long shot, so follow it at all costs.

“THERE HE IS. BEHOLD THE DELUSIONAL VAMPIRE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF YOU GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL,” bellows Lord Jones #1. Angel uses this time to reflect openly about his past mistakes and how he’s looking to atone for them right here, right now, at this spot, at this minute, and with gusto. He’s a bad public speaker and everyone around him is staring at him drooling, so he decides to kind of wrap it up and get on with the battle.

Nice speech, spaz.

And the battle takes off! BOOM CRACK SPLASH WHACK THUMP FWAK SHUMP TERMP FRUNK DOOP CHUGGA CHUGGA. Angel gets punched in the mouth, and it’s just the pep in the step he needs to grab his fiery sword and start wasting some of these mopes. “I have to stop thinking, start swinging.”

The Lords are watching Angel start kicking some ass, and they’re like “huh… um…”

Then Angel starts losing a little bit, which is making me chuckle. However, he has the power of God on his side! And by that I mean some loser hanging out in a white void. Speaking of the Devil, Wes is there getting tortured by the invisible entity. Wes tells it to keep bringing it the fuck on, but also stop wasting his time and let him do his job. “You’re already doing it, Wesley,” says the voice. “You’re always on the clock… Very well. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.”

Again, cute. The ghostly figure of Wes shows up in Silver Lake, which pleases him. He thinks he’s Angel’s only hope, which is going to turn out the be true, I’m sure. Wes tries to talk to Angel through some weird spherical portal with a demon on top. Wes is being ignored. Wes asks the two white-dressed ladies if only Lorne can speak through the portal. Wes asks where Lorne even is.

Lorne has rallied the troops.

And now all of Angel’s friends have appeared to assist Angel whether he likes it or not. Connor punches a T-Rex! Groosalugg fights a demon thing! Spike kicks a fool in the face! Lorne represents himself as his Lordly champion! Woop woop!

Angel says that this is technically cheating. Everyone else tells him to shut the fuck up.

You laugh now, but when you’re in bed without dinner you’ll be sorry.

Finally, Angel accepts the fact that his many “friends” are pitching in to take down the big bad scary demons. Gunn, meanwhile, watches from upwind.

“You want in, don’t you?” says one of Gunn’s fellow vampires.

“Fine up here. Not my thing anymore. Besides, this is my doing. Band’s back together.” Gunn smiles. “The second half, that’s where things cook.”

Angel’s dragon, which had been chained up by one of the Lords, is set free by Groosalugg. “Look here, Dragon,” he says. “I am freeing you so you may fight the dinosaur! That is something I would very much like to see!”

Yes. That’s what happens.

While fighting, Angel learns that Lorne visited every single one of them and convinced them to join in. Even Spike, who is obviously in love with Angel, was swayed to help with Lorne’s kind, drunken words. “Besides, now you owe me,” Spike says, trying to save face. But, mostly, sort of, he’s here because of Blue Fred. Illyria. “She needs help, and that’s what you do,” Spike says to Angel. He always helps, and it’s stupid and pathetic, but here we are!

Wesley phases in between Spike and Angel, unfortunately keeping them from touching their penises. Spike passes his arm through Wes, confirming his persistent non-corporealness. Wes catches a glimpes of Blue Fred. Blue Fred catches a glimpse of Wes and she stops in her fighting tracks. “…you.”

Blue Fred turns back into regular Fred. Somehow. For some reason. Agggh.

“Wesley… you’re here…”

Final Thoughts

At least Angel has no idea what the hell is going on, either. “Spike, what the hell is going on?” he was heard to say.

That’s it for the storyline! The next one is going to be short, probably about Fred and Wes trying to bone while he’s a ghost. Nobody wants to see that, but we can’t control these things.