Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Supergirl (Vol. 6), Issue #10 – “Rescuer”! In the previous installment, Supergirl and the Silver Banshee fight the Black Banshee.

That’s it.

That’s all.

Oh yeah, uh, the Black Banshee sucked Supergirl up into himself and now he’s even stronger! This won’t bode well for Black Banshee’s daughter, who’s going to get sent to her room in about three pages.

Supergirl (Vol. 6), Issue #10 [August, 2012]
Written by: Michael Green & Mike Johnson
“Rescuer”

Per the cover art, Supergirl is going to take advantage of the whole sucked-up-into-the-void situation by riding a demon shadow dinosaur! “TRAPPED IN THE WORLD OF BLACK BANSHEE!” It’s like Jurassic Park without all the shaking Jell-O.

We start off “Somewhen”. The comic doesn’t even know when this is, that’s how arbitrary it is. We’re on Krypton before it went explody, and Kara is undergoing a procedure that she accidentally fell asleep during. No one has ever fallen asleep during such a procedure before, so this shit is unacceptable with a capital U, even though I didn’t capitalize it. Just pretend I did. “I hope my daughter’s… inattentiveness will not affect the results,” Kara’s mother, Alura, says. I hope it does affect the results, personally. Don’t fall asleep during class if you can’t pay the troll toll.

The procedure was a genescan for a Matching Ritual, one that her father would disapprove of. Kara remembers this, but now she’s living it again? Something’s rotten in the state of Black Banshee Void. Maybe it’s just a very vivid memory? But then it suddenly shifts to a new one where Kara and Alura travel to the Firefalls (which looks like an ugly pit of active volcanos, somewhere I’d never visit unless there were promises of cookies). Alura still talks about the Matching Ritual, though, and she’s quite embarrassed that Kara fell asleep. She’ll surely be cutting a switch today!

Kara doesn’t want to do the ritual either. It’s some arranged marriage shit, and her parents didn’t have to do it! They found each other in college and fucked a lot in the dorms while Alura’s roommate was lying awake in the top bunk.

Once Alura concedes and tells her daughter that she doesn’t have to do the ritual if she doesn’t want to (bringing shame on House El, of course), Kara realizes that the conversation is skewed. She realizes that none of this is how it happened.

Hey, did you hear the one about the woman with two black eyes…?

Alura gets all strange and demon-y. Almost in a trance, she walks off their platform and down, down, down the Firefalls while Kara screams. “These aren’t memories! This is a nightmare!” She now remembers fighting Black Banshee. She now remembers getting absorbed by the beast and hoping that her immense energy would destroy him.

“I’M AFRAID IT DIDN’T QUITE WORK AS YE PLANNED, LASS,” says a creepy apparition that makes itself known before her. “OH YES INDEED… I CAN HEAR YER THOUGHTS HERE. I CAN SEE YER MEMORIES. I CAN FEEL YER FEAR. BECAUSE HERE, I RULE. WELCOME, GIRL… WELCOME INSIDE THE BANSHEE!”

*festive music plays, a hostess hands her a pile of Chuck E. Cheese tokens*

Kara finds herself wearing Kryptonian battle armor, which is blue and sleek and has abdominal muscles. Black Banshee’s Insides finds that really quaint. A costume spurred by the memory of a father’s love, eh? WELL IT WON’T WORK! *gnashes gums*

Black Banshee surmises that the vision of Kara is residual energy from her soul that wasn’t fully absorbed, perhaps because she’s Too Damn Strong. Good thing he can just kill it and be done with it fast! Like this *whack*. I mean, this *whack*. Get back here you little brat. *whack whack thump*

He does knock Kara down off the platform, and since her ability to fly has been shot, she plummets down the depths of the Firefalls. She lands in the lava, which changes into fresh, ambient-temperature water. Another memory! What excitement awaits now??

Those cold, dead Vincent Kartheiser eyes…

Kara finds herself in the Crystalline Forest where her parents first met (and fucked and woke up their Crystalline Forest roommate). A strange young man lifts her out of the lake she found herself in. His name is Tom and he’s Irish as Shit.

Looks like these two are Black Banshee Absorption Buddies! Anyway, get used to it. Tom’s been there for like 10 years and he has to keep reliving his dreadful nightmares over and over. There’s one where he had to eat rock-hard pudding. Scary! Anyway, he’s Siobhan’s bro. Nice to meet you, lady. Wait, Siobhan’s alive? Is she hot? No wait, that’s a weird question. Never mind.

So Kara catches Tom up on the goings-on of Siobhan. She’s the Silver Banshee! Like, the good banshee, maybe. Anyway, Kara has an idea on how to bust out of this joint. Her power made him stronger, but she still has some power left in her. She has to make that power stronger!… it’s a really bad plan, but I’m not here to judge.

“Siobhan’s out there alone,” Kara says, suddenly brandishing some sort of energy sword. “But if your father’s manifesting inside with us here, that gives us something to fight back agai–”

A KAKOOM sends them both flying backward. Black Banshee Innards thanks Kara for finding Tom! He’s been running loose like a rat for years! Too bad you failed at thwarting Dear Ol’ Dad, Tommy. He needs the blood of the one with the mark — Dear Ol’ Daughter. You understand, right son?

Anyway, death time! But Kara’s ready to fight back with her convenient new sword. She jumps on the apparition’s back and waits until the moment… is just right… to STRIKE!… wait for it… NOW!… wait for it… NOW! RIGHT NOW! DO IT NOW! SLASH SLASH SLASH!… wait for it…

Then turn two into four, four into eight, eight into sixteen, and keep going until you’re buried in octillions of swords and the universe collapses upon itself.

Channeling her magic Yellow Sun Power of No Consistent Rules Whatsoever, she is able to transform one sword into two! Now she can swish and flip them around like a theatric pro! “You hurt my friend, Monster!” Kara shrieks. “You stole my power! And now – I’M TAKING IT BACK!”

She slams two swords in its back. Black Banshee’s Creepy Ghost Formation of Doom and Such screams in a flash of blinding yellow light.

“What have ye done, girl?!” Black Banshee – the physical Black Banshee fighting his daughter — weakly cries as he collapses on the street in pain and agony and *checks thesaurus* heartbreak. Silver Banshee takes this moment of distraction to suck her father up into her own special little void. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” she laughs. “I’VE DONE IT! I CAN’T EVEN FEEL HIM INSIDE!” she yells triumphantly. I’ll let you come up with your own incest joke here.

Kara and Tom find themselves standing on the street while Silver Banshee cackles and jubilates. She’s about to lose control again, but then she morphs back into good ol’ Siobhan once she notices her brother standing there looking just as he did the day she lost him in the couch cushions.

“Oh, Kara, ye did it!” she says, hugging her friend. “Somehow ye brought him back to me!”

Tom can’t believe the sexy little piece he sees before her! How she’s grown! How long has he been trapped? Like… twelve years, one hundred fourteen days, six hours, six minutes, and forty-one seconds? Damn.

Don’t celebrate too soon, now. The helicopters are still trying to gun down Blondie. Just fucking great. No worries, Kara will just grab both Siobhan and Tom and fly them out of there, scaring the absolute buttshit out of Tom in the process. lmao

“Elsewhere” (it’s kinda like “Somewhen”), some douchebag developed a camouflage suit and he intends to go kill Supergirl. I don’t know who this is or why I should care, but clearly the Black Banshee story is over and we’ll going to “seamlessly” transition into another one. The end.

Final Thoughts

I already gave my final thoughts, they’re just buried up there among the paragraphs. Look closely and you can see them. Closer… closer… *pokes out eyes Three Stooges-style*