Death Note, Vol. 2, Chapter 12 – “God”

* Part 4 of 9 of Vol. 2 – “Confluence” *

Welcome to Manga Cum Loudly Presents: Death Note, Vol. 2, Chapter 12: “God”! In the previous installment, L is Ryuuzaki, a twitchy kid with huge eyeballs who speaks to the remaining Kira investigation team about the facts and the next steps on New Year’s Eve. L gains their confidence. They move forward.

Raito goes over the last few weeks to make sure he hasn’t yet made any mistakes. Meanwhile, Raito’s biggest mistake heads over to the police office to discuss her fiancée’s disappearance! Things are really starting to break bad! Like that TV show.

Death Note, Vol. 2, Ch. 12
Written by: Tsugumi Ohba
Illustrated by: Takeshi Obata
“God”

Fiancée of Penber is still on the case! “This is the other truth,” she says, without stating a first truth, “Kira doesn’t have to kill with heart attacks.”

Say, that is quite alarming! Someone should tell James Gandolfini before he… oh.

The Yagami household is always a bustling madhouse. His mother asks his sister, Sayu, to bring Father’s clean laundry to him. Obviously, Mr. Yagami has neither the working legs nor the adequate arm strength to carry his own clean shirts.

Oh, never mind, Director Yagami is still at the hotel? Or perhaps his office? And his wife wants one of their children to bring him the clothes instead of, oh I don’t know, coming home and packing his own bag of new clothes? Weird.

Raito volunteers to bring them to his father. Maybe he wants to strangle him with a plaid button-down. OR, more likely, Raito wants to soak up some juicy info at the police station! He won’t be able to get past the front desk secretary, but maybe a little Rohypnol will grant him some access. Heh heh. *shakes bottle*

Raito removes the Death Note from his needlessly elaborate hiding place and squirrels it away for later. You never know how many cops you’ll need to murder as you take your dad’s laundry across town, I always say.

How very odd. Father never abandons his phone while he excuses himself to go take a massive dump.

God, the kid needs to take public transportation? All this for a couple of clean shirts? Nuts. I’d throw them in the sewer.

He tries to give Pops a call and it goes to his voicemail. Wondering if his dad is in a very important boss-man police officer super secret cop-ass meeting, he shuffles toward the station with his hands in his trench coat pockets looking entirely conspicuous. Like Eric Harris or, if you will, Dylan Klebold.

GUESS WHO’S AT THE FRONT DESK? Why, it’s Ms. Leather Jacket and her fistful of “Kira killed my fiancé and I’m going to wring his scrawny Raito Yagami neck about it”. Eek! She demands to speak to any investigators on the case. Any of them at all! It doesn’t matter who. Just somebody who will listen. Not a clock-puncher or a wife-beater please. None of that.

“I already told you,” says one of the secretaries, “There’s nobody at the headquarters from the Kira case right now.”

“I made an appointment yesterday,” she responds with NOT EVEN A MODICUM of patience, “Why aren’t they here?”

Why not indeed? Are they too busy sticking their penises through buckets of popcorn and taking turns pretending to be surprised and stroking them? Even Raito, who is overhearing this conversation, finds it odd that his old man is nowhere to be found at his office AND he ain’t picking up his phone. Very curious! VERY VERY CURIOUS! Maybe he’ll just wash up on the beach with a slit throat because he pissed off the Yakuza! Or, you know, the popcorn thing.

He had to outsmart eleven whole other letters first! That’s impressive!

Raito nudges his way beside who I’m just to start calling Faye Penber until she gets a motherfucking name. He tells the secretary that he’s Director Yagami’s son and to give these to him: *tosses shirts into a lump on the desk*

The secretary recognizes him, but Raito doesn’t have time to remember every single mouthbreather who works behind the desk at his father’s place of business! No matter, he’s notorious ‘round these parts for helping them solve “last year’s insurance case”. It probably had something to do with Blue Cross Blue Shield completely screwing the employees over with massive deductibles and terrible copays! A legend!

Raito stares at the guy, then makes a very rude point to really tell this guy that really doesn’t know who he really is. Like, at all. He could be a blow-up doll for all he cares. A blow-up doll for him to fuck. So, know your place.

This secretary is still smiling at Raito like a muppet. “Do you have any ideas for the Kira case?” he asks excitedly. Oh, man, uggh. “Well, if my guesses are right, I could have outsmarted L,” he says smugly. I just want to tear into this kid with my fists. Just perforate him with my pointy brass knuckles.

Raito finally notices (or maybe already noticed but he’s playing the LONG CON) the woman standing next to him in the shiny leather jacket. He fumbles for a moment and then says “My father is the head of the investigation.” Oooohhhh, YOUR FATHER huh?! DO TELL! Raito’s like “do you want me tell him that you were waiting because that won’t help either, lol”

Especially since he can’t even get a hold of him either… (hint: Director Yagami is most certainly decaying on a hotel room floor right now while L sticks his grubby little genitalia into his… yeah, never mind)

BUT, Raito does start telling Faye Penber all sorts of confidential information about the case. The kind of confidential information that only someone who was Kira would know! OR, the kind of confidential information that only the son of the director of the case would know if the director of the case blabbed his goddamned mouth so hard that he’ll get the electric chair.

“Ever since members of the FBI died many investigators became afraid of Kira,” Raito tells her with a convincing expression of wide-eyed childlike concern. “A bunch of them resigned, and I think the rest are taking a break now.”

Such an innocent Kira. Such a soft, juicy, delectable Kira…

The secretary is like, what the fuck are you doing? Shut the fuck up, you idiot. You’re going to get literally the entire country killed with your diarrhea mouth. Raito doesn’t care, the whole public is worried and talking about it anyway. Everyone should blab all they want, Kira’s not gonna kill the nice people. Maybe. It depends on how itchy his pen hand gets!

Plus, Raito trusts this lady because she’s “smart and quiet”, which are the prerequisites for slightly misogynistic earned trust! Once daddy calls him back, he can let her know what’s what. K?

Faye Maye Norma Rae Penber is suspicious, but warily allows Raito to get involved with her sad little mission.

“This lady might have some important evidence. You’re in trouble,” Ryuuku tells his human companion with glee.

Oh, silly goose. Raito is already a few steps ahead of this one. Do not underestimate the power of pimply teenagers. They will stop at nothing to get into a woman’s pants! I mean, throw this woman off the trail.

Raito and Faye sit together in the lobby waiting for the phone to ring. Raito makes note of the security cameras everywhere, so he can’t just stand up right now and strangle her with piano wire. So he leans forward and starts mumbling sweet nothings like “Kira must have some scary supernatural powers”. That’s a great conversation starter. I should try that if I ever have to date again and I take her out to Panera Bread.

Well, duh, Faye’s been thinking the same thing. They should find a secure place to commit statutory rape. I mean, chat about Kira.

Look kid, do NOT relieve your terminal horniness anyway NEAR me.

They find a secure place to chat right outside a big building where two thousand people can hear. Faye asks for the kid’s name and he answers like an autistic weirdo, giving her his place of residence and where the name comes from and how it’s written. It means “Night God Moon”! Cool, huh?

WE FINALLY LEARN THIS WOMAN’S NAME. Goodbye Faye, that’s a dead name now. Say hello to Maki Shouko (or Shouko for those of you who get all discombobulated with firsty lasty switcheroo). Her name means “Space Wood Reflection Child”. Ryuuku laughs at this. I’m too bewildered to laugh myself. One day someone is going to yell at me about this paragraph, and it might be you! If you do, please do me a favor, would you? Kindly throw a fuck into yourself, ok? Thank you in advance.

Raito tells Shouko that Kira can also control the victim’s actions, not just kill them. Not only has she already figured this out too, she has also constructed a theory: Kira can kill people with more than just heart attacks.

Ha, great theory. Smart as a whip. Too bad Raito knows her name. That’s going to really bite her on the anus soon enough. Raito is intrigued, though. Very intrigued. He pretends to find this to be a revelation. Shouko is convinced that they’ll be able to catch him with these obvious clues.

“I have a friend who may have found Kira,” she says, confiding in this sneaky little child that she has only know for 15 minutes.

“Found Kira? Ha ha ha! Sorry, but if you told those cops that you found Kira none of them would believe you.”

Why you little… you snot-nosed piece of… grrrr! I’m gonna… you’re gonna get flipped like a fucking omelet you… you… *turns purple*

“Yeah…” she concedes. Sounds about right. That’s why she doesn’t want to talk to the useless cops who are probably taking turns squatting on traffic cones. She wants to talk to the Kira Investigation Team. They’re on the ball. Not on the cone, as it were.

That’s right. Not Jaye Kenper. Not Maye Fenfer. Certainly not Taye Diggsfner. We’re talking about the Raye Penber!

Raito asks why her friend can’t just talk to the police himself. And he wasn’t expecting to hear that it was Raye Penber, Mr. FBI Man, who can’t talk to the police himself. It’s because he was killed by Death himself! Or Kira. Whatever. I keep forgetting.

“He said he got involved in a bus hijacking,” Shouko continues, “If I’m on the right track, Kira was also on the bus.”

Raito stops in his tracks, looking like he’s sweating in his underoos and farting in them too and… yes… yes, he’s also pooping. Shouko noticed that he had stopped in his tracks and asks him if he’s ok. HAHA, YES, OF COURSE, JUST SWEATING AND FARTING AND POOPING OVER HERE.

“But why do you think your fiancée met Kira on the bus?” Raito asks, quite nosy. And, in typical Death Note fashion, she goes over all the details we already know just to prove that she has figured it out. I will not write it here again. I won’t!

Plus, the other 11 FBI agents died too. FBI agents don’t just DIE in packs! At least, I don’t think they do??? Then 20 lesser criminals died. Then a ladybug. And here we are. All part of Kira’s plan. His tangled spider web of murder and deceit. And one tangled ladybug as well.

“Doesn’t that strike you as strange,” Shouko asks him, and the face he makes as a response just screams “HOT TOPIC DOESN’T HAVE ANY BAD RELIGION SHIRTS IN STOCK”.

It’s all part of Kira’s plan! Good God Damn, woman, we KNOW this already! WE KNOW THIS! WE KNOW THAT YOU FIGURED IT OUT! Just say “I figured it out” and we can assume you figured it all out! Stop talking about it!

Perhaps even the hijacking was orchestrated by Kira to get more information about the FBI! Perhaps, even, the orchestration was backed by its own orchestra! Listen to this: *pulls up phone* *plays Leonard Bernstein conducting the Swarthy Hillbilly Philharmonic’s rendition of Ludwig Sebastian Shostakovich’s 17th Symphony in R minor* … See?

Raito stops in his tracks again. This bitch is starting to really make him mad. “Isn’t that a bit far-fetched?” he asks her, mind reeling with panic and thoughts about getting into her pants by first taking off his own pants and then taking off her pants and then, in turn, putting on her pants and being in her pants.

Shouko not only thinks it’s not far-fetched, but it’s unmistakably near-fetched!

And here’s the smoking gun. The thing that brings it all together:

Aha! The plot thickens! And it’s also full of lumps!

Kira needs to know names and faces, right? Raye didn’t die until right after the bus hijacking! Check and mate, you little turd. Raito looks like he’s trying to pass a watermelon. He had to show his badge! He had to help stop a bad man from doing bad things!

Yeah, well, sonny, everything is supposed to be super top secret and, also, Pop Secret. Showing a badge on a bus to stop a criminal? Nonsense!

OK, fine. Raito now decides to play curious. “So you’re saying, in order to make him reveal his identity, Kira staged the hijacking? And the hijacker died in an accident? This is why you think Kira has many methods?”

Listen, you emotional woman. Relax. Calm down. And smile more. We get that you’re trying to avenge the death of your Penber boy toy, but “these clues contain a lot of bias, and no solid evidence”.

BUT, they could help with the investigation anyway! Wubba lubba dub dub! “The current investigators are completely lost, but with you *jabs Shouko unnecessarily hard in the chest* there might be a chance.”

“If your conjectures are right,” he continues, “then we should catch Kira in no time. Because, if you are right, the person who saw your fiancé must be Kira.

Raito side-eyes behind him with so much self-satisfaction that I can smell his farts through my screen. Shouko and Ryuuku trail behind him. “If this woman told this to the police,” Raito thinks, smiling, “seems like a God other than a Shinigami must be standing behind me.”