Get your pitchforks ready, it’s time to “rock” the “house”.

Yo! I already wrote a very long preamble about Pitchfork in their 2021 Top 50 analysis. Like hell I’m going to do it all again! You know Pitchfork. You know everything about Pitchfork. At least I assume you do since you’re reading this, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading an analysis about a top albums list that some Internet nerd decided to spend an half an hour writing about.

Pitchfork has been focusing more on women and people of color within the last few years, which is great. They should be. But, since this is an indie rock rag — or at least it used to be — and most people of color don’t play indie rock, it’s understandable that a lot of choices are simply not indie rock. For better or worse, this has alienated their core base; most will bitch about how much Pitchfork is “not for them” anymore.

That being said, as someone who has only gotten into rap within the last decade and is still struggling to get the most out of R&B, soul, and reggaeton, among some others, a lot of this list isn’t for me either! BUT, since I’m always, always, ALWAYS willing to branch out and keep an open mind, I actually appreciate Pitchfork’s motivation to bring attention to some of these genres and artists. At least to me. Does that mean I’ll like Bad Bunny tomorrow? Probably not, but I’ll throw him on once in a while and find something more to like each time. That makes it all worth it.

OK, enough blah blah blahhing. Here are my short-sighted and wrong opinions.

The Top 10

Get off the horse, Beyoncé. You’re drunk.

Speaking of focusing on women, ever since Pitchfork got chided for picking a woman as their #1 in 2016 for the first time in 10 years in (Solange), five of the last six years have featured a woman as their top spot: Mitski, Lana Del Rey, Fiona Apple, Jazmine Sullivan, and now Beyoncé. But, I think Beyoncé at #1 was a surprise. First of all, from my musically in-touch point of view, RENAISSANCE got a fraction of the hype that Lemonade got in 2016. Second of all, Big Thief is headed by known female Adrianne Lenker — a queer woman at that — with the exact same score of 9.0. The same score that both Beyoncé and Sudan Archives received this year (#1 and #2 respectively). Big Thief’s hyped album made it to #7. I would have bet money on a top spot for Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You, but I guess I’m not smart!

Sudan Archives was my second choice for the top spot. Less known than Beyoncé, obviously, with lyrical subject matter that packs a more emotional punch. She’s younger too, and, if I may, definitely more in-your-face with her blackness than Beyoncé has even been. A perfect fucking pick for #1, honestly. She got robbed.

Bad Bunny and Alex G are the only two men in the Top 10, or at least the only two male-fronted projects. That’s fine with me. Let’s aim for less next time. Bump up Björk and Grace Ives and you’ve got a winner.

No Metal

Tasteful!

No metal again! Not even a token album like your Deafheaven or Mastodon-types. The closest we get this year are Soul Glo and Chat Pile, and both of those are just hardcore or noise rock. Not even this year’s album by Dream Unending, which got an 8.5 Best New Music! What a snub, man!

Once again, I aim to try to find what I feel might be a safe metal option for Pitchfork’s sensibilities. Perhaps Cult of Luna’s The Long Road North, a crushing slab of rather dignified post-metal sludginess. Or how about Autopsy’s Morbidity Triumphant, the death-doom stalwarts who have maintained their consistency even after a 14-year hiatus. Maybe Undeath’s It’s Time​…​To Rise From the Grave, death metal with fresh twists and riffs that other indie publications have praised (even Pitchfork; it got an 8.3 Best New Music)? Hell, even Imperial Triumphant’s brand of mind-bending, jazz-infused, avantgarde black metal is perfect!

But no. No metal. No headbanging. What a sad state of affairs.

Notable Omissions

Sorry, Taylor. Again, it’s not your year!

I love sifting through the list and finding who got completely fucked over even after a coveted Best New Music designation. Black Country, New Road just made the cut at #49, being the very last Best New Music award on the list.

Last year, Iceage was the only legitimate Best New Music snub. This year there were a lot more. A whole lot more. Here are the notable ones.

Animal Collective – Time Skiffs
Pitchfork is in love with Animal Collective! Sung Tongs: #2 on Pitchfork’s 2004 list. Feels: #7 on Pitchfork’s 2005 list. Strawberry Jam: #6 on Pitchfork’s 2007 list. Panda Bear’s Person Pitch: #1 on Pitchfork’s 2007 list. Merriweather Post Pavilion: #1 on Pitchfork’s 2009 list.

Now, granted, the publication hasn’t liked an Animal Collective album since 2009, but Time Skiffs got a Best New Music award this year. Although not even close to the prime output of the band’s peak days, Pitchfork nevertheless considered it a return to form. So that it got completely left out of the list is odd to me, almost like a big “fuck you” to the band they elevated higher than any other band in their history, Radiohead notwithstanding.

I don’t even like Animal Collective that much and I really like this album! It’ll be on my list, look forward to that shit.

SAULT- Air
SAULT dropped six albums this year, so maybe that had something to do with it. Pitchfork couldn’t be like “this one is better than the other five for reasons we don’t feel like fleshing out at all”.

Still, though SAULT’s incredibly prolific career in such a short timespan has been critically lauded, so excluding it seems unreasonable. Especially since it’s a contemporary classical gospel album. It’s not like Pitchfork had a whole pile of those at the ready.

These are just two out of quite a bit of Best New Music snubs. As a result, many more sub-8.2 albums made the cut this year. Of course, it wouldn’t be right to ever omit a Kendrick Lamar project from the final Top 50, even though Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers DID get a 7.6 in the original review. Pretty mediocre, a 7.6 is. I’d expect such a score for garbage like Okkervil River or the 95th Mountain Goats record. Although Kendrick sits comfortably at #13, the actual top spot for a sub-8.2 album was The Weeknd’s Dawn FM at #11. Why these two were deemed worthy is baffling, since overhyped shit with low scores would never get elevated just because, godforbid, Pitchfork might’ve been wrong about their ratings!

I’m such a nerd talking about this. How embarrassing.

So That’s It?

Yeah, that’s it. I’m embarrassed now. Look at how red my face is… from all the tomatoes people are throwing at me right now. Someone yank me off the stage with a large vaudevillian hook.