The Great Hunt (Book 2) – Chapter 46: “To Come Out of the Shadow”

The Wheel of Time - Book 2 - The Great Hunt

Nynaeve, with Seta firmly fastened to her collar and chain, leads everyone to the, uh, damane dormitories. Min, knowing where Egwene is held, takes the group straight to her room. When Egwene sees Seta, she positively horrifies Nynaeve by bellowing that she’d like to put Seta in a pot of boiling water! Nyaneve would like to slap her silly, she would!

With Seta still collared-up, Nynaeve hangs the bracelet on a peg and saidars the collar of of Egwene’s neck. Egwene explains the Nynaeve and the Gang that, while damane are born with the ability to channel, sul’dam can actually learn it. This is apparently a very hush-hush secret and Seta repeatedly denies it over and over again. Moaning and groaning.

Renna enters the room, and before she can really process that Egwene is free, Egwene slams a fucking pitcher right into Renna’s stomach. I’d like to think that Egwene completely destroyed all of Renna’s internal organs, but that is sadly not the case. Egwene then snaps her collar around Renna’s neck and does some really fun torture to her for a bit before Nynaeve stops her. Nynaeve is like “don’t be like them”, but as a reader I would have very much enjoyed Egwene continuing to be just like them for another six or seven pages.

The girls leave Renna and Seta hanging in the room and then leave the building. They see ranks of Seanchan soldiers, and even though Nynaeve suggests walking right past them, Egwene goes nuts and channels some Hellfire that erupts from below the street, sending all the soldiers flying every which way. Nynaeve wants to throw Egwene in a pot of boiling water for that piece of immature business. Fire rains from the sky. Nynaeve starts channeling lightning. The streets fill with terrifying bursts of energy and fire! Help! Where’s Jesus when you need him?

Bayle Domon ain’t got no Jesus, but he’s afraid of the shit going down on land. One of his men is about to cut the rope, but Domon yells at him to keep waiting. If I were Domon I’d be off like a dirty shirt!

Rand and his crew, meanwhile, are trapped in the street with Seanchan soldiers flanking either side. Rand can sense that Egwene is in trouble, but he doesn’t know exactly where that sense is coming from. Ingtar starts gibbering about the “man let into Fal Dara” and not knowing whether the loosed arrow was meant for Siuan or for Rand. Things start clicking for Rand when Ingtar mentions redeeming himself by sounding the Horn and fighting the good fight. Dark Side, baby. Darkfriending around. Rand thinks Ingtar is a good man, and that just wanting to redeem oneself is enough to redeem oneself. Ingtar doesn’t think that’s good enough, the end of chapter implies that Ingtar killed himself as redemption, which is wack but whatever, man! Just trying to get through this book is all!


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Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6 – “Welcome to the Hard Way”

* Part 6 of 6 of the Game storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6 – “Welcome to the Hard Way”! In the previous installment, Catwoman lands safely from her 30,000 ft fall by whipping onto a crane at a construction site mere feet from the ground, which is not only realistic but also brave! Good for her. Cats always land on their feet.

After handily subduing Reach very easily somehow, she discovers that the drug money is actually dirty cop money amounting to roughly $450,000 dollars! This means that dirty cops will be looking for it, and that’s exactly what they do. And then they find it. And Catwoman gets cornered by about 700 officers. And she is under arrest.

And we’re going to find out exactly that won’t be the case, and I’m sure it’ll involve her doing a backflip into an alley.

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6 [April, 2012]
Written by: Judd Winick
“Welcome to the Hard Way”

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6

While cops are pointing their big shooty guns at Catwoman, the police in Police HQ (for Police) are going over her record. That is to say, there is no record. Nothing on file. No prints. No juvenile delinquency. No witness protection. She ain’t nuthin’. “And she’s not giving us squat. I’d say we got ourselves a Jane Doe, but we obviously have another name for her – Catwoman.”

Yeah, we know that already. Everyone knows that, let’s try and keep up with the rest of the world you stupid fucking cops. Pieces of shit.

We find Selina tied up to a chair in a seedy interrogation room, looking feral as ever. She has no idea why the police don’t have a record. There should be a mountain of paperwork on her. She should have her own filing cabinet. But that’s a situation for another time. Now there’s the whole “stole money from cops” dealie that needs undivided attention.

The cops found $20,000 on her person and they want to rest! *slams fist on table, breaking 17 hand bones* NOW!!

Selina will tell them where the bag of money is as long as she’s allowed to go with them to get it. The cops say no and bring in Reach in order to do some real damage! Right to the face! Reach punches Selina in the face and knocks her to the floor hilariously! I believe the sound made after the fall was “WHUMF!” instead of something more common like “CRASH!” or “CLATTER!” or “FLOOR!”

This is all happening behind Detective Alvaraz’s back, the guy who thinks half his precinct is crooked and isn’t getting the time of day for his “Catwoman did everything” theories. Well, here’s the news Mr. Jones: Catwoman did everything. And she’s in the building right now getting “interrogated” so go find her.

Reach is really laying on Selina, punching and uppercutting her face in a manner that would probably kill a normal person five times over. Revenge and all that, hooting and hollering about whatever made Reach mad in the first place. “I beat the ever-loving crap out of you until you tell me what I want to hear,” she says. “WHERE’S THE MONEY?!”

Selina lies on the floor bloodied and half-dead, murmuring quietly. Reach comes closer. Selina murmurs. Reach comes closer. Selina murmurs. Reach puts her ear right to Selina’s mouth and then gets her fucking ear ripped off Mike Tyson-style.

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6

Check your local comic book shop for more family-friendly DC action!

“HOW ABOUT NOW? YOU HEARING ME OKAY NOW?!” Selina wails while Reach is, uh, not having a good time. Selina cracks her to the floor. Reach blasts her with juicy lightning, pinning her against the wall, and tells her to shut up. “No more cute talk. No more of your bullcrap. Just be quiet. Just be quiet… and die.”

Selina’s eyes roll in the back of her head in what I assume is not at all ecstacy. She’s probably within an inch of her life before Alvaraz storms into the room and knocks Reach out with his club.

Now that Alvaraz has saved Selina against the wishes of his fellow detectives, I guess, he now needs Selina to run away before either of them gets in trouble. Bye!

“That’s a new one,” Catwoman says, motoring away on her bike. “I’ve had police offer to let me walk, but not without expecting something in return. And delivery of my ‘something’ would always precede my walk.” Yeah yeah yeah, blowjobs in exchange for freedom. We’ve all been there. Anyway, Catwoman decides to cut her losses at this point, take the money, and enjoy a nice vacation away from Gotham City. Just a nice, peaceful–

“Stop where you are,” yells a voice. “Put the money down. It’s caused you enough trouble.”

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6

If you thought your day was ruined before, here comes this nerd.

Batman. Fucking Batman showed up, what a tool, this guy. Looking all menacing and stupid with his dumb buff muscles and his cowly scowl. “This?” Catwoman smiles coyly. “This is just laundry.”

“Put it down.”

“No.”

“You stole it.”

“No kidding. Now that’s finally a problem for you. I’m guessing you’re the one who took my prints out of every known database. You done protecting me?”

“I’m not asking you. Drop it.” Batman slaps her shoulder daintily. They start fighting a bit, but he eventually overwhelms her. He picks her put and pushes her against a wall. “Enough! THIS IS OVER!”

Selina starts crying a little bit. When asked how long she expects him to let her keeping doing this crime shit, and she responds earnestly that as long as they keep having the fucky sex times.

“No more games,” he sneers. “You’re anything but stupid. It’s beyond that. All the thefts! The fights! The idiotic risks! It’s all just leading to one unavoidable end! Is that what you want?!”

A tear streams down her cheek. “MAYBE I DO!” she yells. Maybe she does, Batman. Maybe you should leave her alone and keep letting her do this crime shit.

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #6

Let me squeeze them titties.

Catwoman drops the money and runs. Batman doesn’t chase her. She realizes that she’s fucking up and that she’s running away from her demons and her demons’ demons and that nothing in the world will stop her from facing the demons of her demons’ demons and etc.

She pops into her old friend Gwen’s apartment, admits that she’s Catwoman, and then asks her for help.

Help stealing and grifting, probably.

This woman doesn’t learn, does she?

Final Thoughts

Fuck final thoughts! Selina Kyle is missing brain cells! See you next time.


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Synchronicity (2015)

Tagline:
To save his future he must alter his past.

Wide Release Date:
January 22, 2016

Directed by:
Jacob Gentry
Written by:
Jacob Gentry
Produced by:
Christopher Alender, Alexander Motlagh

Starring:
Chad McKnight
A. J. Bowen
Brianne Davis
Scott Poythress
Michael Ironside

Synchronicity

PREGAME THOUGHTS

♫ ♬♫ ♬
We know you
They know me
Extrasensory
Synchronicity
A star fall
A phone call
It joins all
Synchronicity
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬♩ ♪ ♫ ♬♩ ♪ ♫ ♬♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

THE 750(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

I think this takes place in the future! There’s this guy named Jim, a physicist, played by a guy named Chad McKnight who doesn’t even have his own Wikipedia page! This guy’s the star of the movie! He kinda has a young Daryl Hall look to him. You see, this Jim guy, he’s cracking time travel! He and his two buddies, the less nerdy Chuck (A. J. Bowen) and the more nerdy, possibly profoundly autistic Matty (Scott Poythress), work hard, sleepless nights trying to create a wormhole from the machine via very dangerous and expensive practices. One wrong move and everything explodes and takes out half of North America with it! Maybe. They didn’t actually say that in the movie, but it’s part of my overflowing Synchronicity headcanon. The machine requires radioactive material that is supplied from a company owned by Klaus Meisner (Michael Ironside), who is their principal funder and he’s got them all by the balls.

Synchronicity

What do you mean it’s too dark in here?! Get some better eyeballs!

It’s important to know that one test creates one half of the wormhole, and a second test creates the other half of the wormhole. That part’s important. Don’t forget it or the next paragraph won’t make sense! Got it?! Good!!!

Ok, let’s get into it! Jim and Co. run their first test and receive a Dahlia flower encased in a glass cylinder from the wormhole. That’s cool! They don’t have enough radioactive material anymore to run a second test, which is something they should have planned ahead on. Jim and Co. can’t prove the machine actually works without the second half of the wormhole, so they beg Klaus for more money. He wants 50% ownership of the machine and the process, but Jim gives him 49%. Klaus is ok with that. For now. The second test is scheduled one week ahead.

Jim meets Abby (Brianne Davis), an impossibly attractive young woman, right outside of the facility. Jim gets suspicious right away because she kinda sorta seems to maybe know who he might be. Possibly. Things get weirder when his beardy buddy Chuck calls him and tells him not to trust Abby at all. It’s like, how does Chuck know this unless… *gasp* …did she come through the wormhole along with the Dahlia?!??!?!

Well, whatever. Jim starts boning Abby who, for some reason, likes him back. They bone for a while until Abby does something untrustworthy: tells Klaus about the flower. Now Klaus, because the flower is property of another one of his companies (?), threatens Jim with a big fat lawsuit and extorts him for 99% percent ownership of the machine. Little Jim gets 1% and now he’s a sad sack.

Synchronicity

He’ll never see me sitting over here. It’s too dark.

So now that Jim is all busted up and broken, he gets impulsive during the second wormhole test and runs through the machine in front of his friends, Abby, and Klaus. This is proof that he sent something through the wormhole that wasn’t Klaus’ property. Jim is transported to one week prior, the day of the first test.

This is when the movie gets Back to the Future II on our asses. New Jim plays through some of the events on his own time as Old Jim starts his relationship with Abby, including meeting Abby before Old Jim meets her, and telling Chuck to call Old Jim to warn himself about Abby. Among other things, Abby interacts with both of them and New Jim learns that her motivations with him did not involve scheming or unseemly motives. As time goes on, New Jim’s health starts deteriorating from what I can only fathom as TIME SICKNESS, especially when he’s in close proximity to Old Jim. Paradoxes and whatnot. Things in this world are slightly, ever so slightly, different. Parallel universe, one Jim cannot live while the other survives. It’s a real trip, man.

When the day of the second test arrives, New Jim tries to leave the city. When he tries to get a room at a hotel, he learns that he himself has already booked a room. He finds another version of himself dead on the bed.

Synchronicity

Here, I wanted you to have this flower. I don’t know if you can see it in the dark, though…

New Jim goes back to the hotel across from Abby’s apartment that he has been staying at to avoid Old Jim, where he learns that Abby was attempting to get more radioactive material to open the second wormhole to save New Jim’s life. It didn’t work! Abby finds him dead as a doornail, which is quite dead, in fact. Very dead.

Later, while Abby sits alone in a café, she is approached by Old Jim. He’s in good shape! This is because when he entered the wormhole, this time all the Jim’s were dead. The universe he ended up in had no Jims. No Jims to make anyone sick. Jimless. Do you get it? Good. Abby continues her relationship with him.

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — General Movie Thoughts

Time travel paradox movies are tough to pull off because such a story needs room to breathe. Over the course of a multiple TV episode arc, if done right, can be real satisfying trip. 100 minutes? Oof, good luck. I think Synchronicity almost gets it right until they start talking about parallel universes and multiple dimensions with slight differences. I’m a firm believer of the “whatever happened, happened” Lost rules of time travel vs. the “YOU HAVE TO FIX THE FUTURE, MARTY” Back to the Future rules of time travel. Even if Back to the Future is in my top five movies of all time, it still irks me that altering the past can influence the future. Because I have a Bachelor’s in Astrophysics (literally), you can take my word as gospel that time is a constant as a temporal dimension — the fourth, if you will — and it already exists as it is and as it forever shall be. Don’t get me started on philosophical conversation of determinism vs. free will, damnit. That’s a topic for another laborious crafted blog post.

Synchronicity

Hello, is this the Electric Company? We’re in the dark over here!

I thought the movie was following the Lost tenet of time travel until Matty talks about the impossibility of two Jims existing in the same universe, pointing out the necessity of a jump into a parallel universe for it to have happened. Boo to that! It’s perfectly fine for New Jim to just flat out die as he does in the same universe, ending the Jim continuum once and for all. That’s when Jim’s time should be up. Instead, they bring in a third alternate Jim dead on a hotel bed after New Jim attempts to book a room, which wasn’t kosher. Plus, little differences between the universes such as location of Abby’s notebook (Abby’s apartment in one, Jim’s pocket in another). It makes for a knotty, somewhat confusing narrative.

The story was ok, but the acting wasn’t the greatest. I don’t know who Chad McKnight is; he must be a friend of Jacob Gentry. Dude doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. His acting was probably better than anyone else’s in the movie, save for Michael Ironside. Brianne Davis sucked, but she was the obligatory sci-fi movie eye candy. I liked her haircut, but not her acting!

This movie is apparently a love letter to Blade Runner, but I can’t comment upon that since I’ve never seen either Blade Runner. So I’ll just make a bold claim, sight unseen, that yes, this is just like Blade Runner! You are quite welcome.

TOPIC 2 — Putting Myself in Jim’s and Abby’s Shoes

Here’s something I like to do! I like to place myself within movie and TV characters because I’m a big, insufferable nerd. Abby’s plot path is more interesting, but let’s start with Jim. His adventure begins when he opens up the first half of the wormhole and thinks that the girl of his dreams stepped out of it. He’s got people telling him not to trust her, he’s got himself to tell him not to trust her, and she seems to be doing things that happen to be untrustworthy. OK. Fine. And he spends most of his time rerunning through the week gripping his head and grunting. Then he dies. That must suck. Time travel sucks.

Synchronicity

A game of darts will take our minds off the blackout…

ABBY! She gets to see New Jim right before Old Jim leaves the facility, so she has the upper hand in this relationship before the end of minute one. In the second half, you see Abby interact with both Jims back and forth. Keeping a relationship going, dealing with Jim’s paranoia about what turned out to be her own sci-fi story instead of a collaboration with Klaus, and trying to help save him as he’s dying. A tall order for two weeks of knowing someone who is likely half-delirious from lack of sleep.

What about Klaus’ shoes? No. Fuck that guy.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

According to the director’s commentary, the scene in which Jim runs out of the lab and encounters Abby was filmed under the Georgia Dome.
They had to work around the Atlanta Falcons’ practice session. Chad McKnight got hit in the head with a football 43 times during only 5 takes.

During the scene where Jim is driving away from dinner. The bat signal is shown in the sky from one of the buildings.
LOL! SOMEBODY IS A BATMAN FAN! NEEERDS!

Synchronicity

I WAS BLIND AND, BEHOLD, NOW I SEE, BABY!

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

I kinda liked it! But you probably won’t. And I won’t see it again. The reviews are horrible across the board, but I’m extremely forgiving when it comes to time travel stories. It’s my favorite stupid sci-fi plot device, after all. If you’re a similar idiot, then give it a shot.

Plus, it’s kinda cool how this film looks like it’s right out of the ’80s. They did a good job with production. OK, I’m done.


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The Great Hunt (Book 2) – Chapter 45: “Blademaster”

The Wheel of Time - Book 2 - The Great Hunt

This is one of those GOOD chapters that I’ve been waiting for! Nynaeve, Min, and Elayne stake out the streets waiting for a sul’dam and a damane to walk by. When one does, Nynaeve goads Min into revealing to her as much as she knows about how damane are treated. Min does such a good job that Nynaeve completely Hulks out and, with one quick burst of saidar-fueled energy, snaps open the damane’s collar. You go gurl. Once the damane realizes what just happened, she punches that sul’dam cunt right in the jaw and books it. Next, the three young women gag the sul’dam with a rag, throw a sack over her head, and drag her off the street and to a shed.

After Nynaeve hits the saidar button again, she detaches the bracelet from the sul’dam’s wrist and cuffs it to her own wrist. She also removes her dress and puts that on as well. She then snaps the collar on the sul’dam’s neck and tests out her new sul’dam powers by making the new damane writhe in agony for a few seconds. Nynaeve says she didn’t enjoy it, but she’s a liar.

The sul’dam is named Seta, and Nynaeve is scaring the poop right out of her ample rectum. Elayne was going to wear the collar, but now they’re having none of that. They keep Seta chained and tell her that she needs to do everything they say or else it’s shock collar time. Off they go to do whatever it is they’re going to do. Oh yeah, free Egwene. I forgot about her!

Domon waits on the ship for the women. By God, he’ll wait until he can’t wait no more!

There’s still a lot more chapter left! Rand and his knuckleheads, the Five Who Will Ride Forth or some shit, enter Falme and make themselves at home. Hurin can smell Padan Fain’s filthy Doritos stench in the air. They pass by a large manor and Mat’s Spidey Sense starts tingling: the dagger is in there! He can feel it in his many bones! Ingtar has no use for dagger hunting, he’s here for the Horn. Rand says they can kill two birds with one stone because, hey, the Horn and the dagger are together anyway and Fain probably didn’t separate the two. Ingtar leads a break-in, which Rand is against, and they sneak up to the second floor of the manor where they find a room with the Horn and the dagger on pedestals like it’s a fucking video game. Mat grabs the dagger, Ingtar grabs the Horn, we can all go home to our *say it with me, everyone* TV DINNERS! Yeah!

Hurin and Rand look out the window and see, in distance, a swarm of sul’dam/damane and, impossibly, recognizes Egwene as one of them. She’s gone by the time anyone else looks out the window. Rand wants to save his main squeeze, but HIGH LORD TURAK shows up dismayed that his precious Horn and dagger are off the pedestals. When one of Turak’s guards reaches for them, Mat slashes him with the dagger, which promptly causes the guard’s skin to blacken and swell until death by choking on his big, fat, black tongue.

Turak fights Rand, but since Rand practiced his sword techniques for exactly three days, Rand wins handily. Turak dies like this: *bleh*

With the Horn in Ingtar’s hot little hand, he insists that they leave and never look back. Rand refuses. Saving Egwene is the next task, butthead. Take your Horn and blow it! So to speak.


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Runaways (Vol. 1), Issue #8 – “Teenage Wasteland (Part 2)”

* Part 2 of 4 of the Teenage Wasteland storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Runaways (Vol. 1), Issue #8 – “Teenage Wasteland (Chapter 2)”! In the previous installment, the parents have regrouped and assessed the full situation with their hooligan children and now are looking to come up with a plan to either murder them or frame them for murder or murder themselves and frame them for it. It’s unclear at this juncture, but I’m excited to see what creative ideas they come up with!

The kids are out of their league. After deciding that they shouldn’t starve to death while out on the lam, they scrape together about 18 bucks to go buy some shit at a convenience store. Shame that it was getting robbed at the time, though, but after chasing away two of the robbers, the third one was like “no please don’t I’m just like you” and Alex is like “ok” so now this kid is joining their team.

Right? Right.

Runaways (Vol. 1), Issue #8 [January, 2004]
Written by: Brian K. Vaughan
“Teenage Wasteland (Part 2)”

Runaways (Vol. 1) Issue #8

Los Feliz, California – 1:49am

“Wait, you guys are superheroes? Like the Avengers?” This kid that they tackled in the convenience store has a very large eyebrow ring because this is 2004.

“Yep!” answers the floating, ethereal Karolina Lucy in the Sky.

“No,” answers the frowny, petulant Chase Talkback.

“Sort of,” pipes in Alex Dorkus. Sister Grimm points out the inconvenient fact that their asses are busted if the police show up, so time to grab some food and book it. The new kid is named Topher, and although Alex invites him back to their hideout, Talkback talks back. “Hey, who said this punk could come back to my hideout?”

Alex tells him that it’s not his hideout anymore. It’s the Runaways’ base. And they should extend a helping hand! Talkback argues, and rightfully so, that this fucking asshole just tried to rob the store. He says this as he grabs a bunch of snacks, eager to rob the store.

Nope! The other two robbers were Topher’s parents. They made him come! And he wants to get away from those jerks. Anyway, there’s no more time to argue, anyway. Here comes the fuzz! Cheese it!

“Hold on,” Topher says as Sister Grimm grabs his arm. “All of your parents are evil, too?” So now there’s some exposition dialogue where Lucy in the Sky catches Topher (AND YOU, THE DEAR READER) up on the 411. I’m not going to do it here because, from my very informative posts, you should have every single detail memorized.

The group piles into the van. Talkback drives away. The fuzz are hot on their heels.

Runaways (Vol. 1), Issue #8

Get me Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo.

Sister Grimm uses her magic staff to create plumes of crimson smoke from the back of the van. The two cop cars SKREEEE-KERASSSH into each other, hopefully killing all of the cops brutally! I kid, I kid. Or do I?

“She’s pretty hardcore, huh?” Lucy in the Sky says to the impressed, poorly-named Topher. “Sister Grimm is actually the daughter of two sorcerers. What kind of bad guys are your parents, Topher? Androids? Demons? Android demons?”

Neither. You see, they work at a power plant and then something happened in the power plant and now they’ve got Super Power Plant Powers. And they went crazy and nuts and got fired, so now they rob stores for cash. Cool, huh? “They said they’d kill me if I didn’t help them.”

Sounds aces, sir. Looks like you’re a liability, then! “kicks kid out of the van*

Sister Grimm is empathetic and offers Topher Grace to crash at their pad until the heat dies down, you dig? Radical.

The Wilder Residence, Los Angeles, California – 2:13am

Mr. Wilder is searching through HotBot or whatever people used in 2004. Mrs. Wilder comes in with a bundt cake that the neighbors left on the porch as a “sorry your kid was framed for murder” gift. Mr. Wilder will eat some hella bundt cake later, but right now he’s been sent surveillance footage from the convenience store. It seems that ALEX *points to screen* whipped out his penis at 1:39am *points to screen* and peed on Chase *points to screen* and then, also, we know where they sort of are.

Mrs. Wilder is wild with incredulity! “They kids are still in California? I thought they’d be halfway to Canada by now!” Right? Kids are stupid. Anyway, if they’re looking to play superhero, then they’ve got another think coming. Yes, the term is “think”, not “thing”. Learn something once in a while.

Anyway, they’ve got to find them before some other asshole villain does…

Runaways (Vol. 1), Issue #8

Don’t make me drop a meteorite on your ass.

”The Hostel”, Bronson Canyon, California – 2:24am

The kids return from whence they came. Topher is about to jubilate about how positively tits their hideout is when the Resident Dinosaur attacks! Arsenic tries to stop him, but he won’t listen to her thoughts! Thoughts like “stop it!” and “I don’t really mean it lol!”, perhaps.

Then Bruiser walks in all like “I got this” and picks the dinosaur up like it was a sack of flour without any flour in it. “So, you guys bring back burritos?” she asks, eyes still glowing violet.

Topher is like, shit, you guys have a dinosaur too? I ain’t got a dinosaur! That’s tits!

“You have an earring in your eyebrow,” Bruiser points out. “Are you in a band?” Molly/Bruiser must not be used to, um, alternative lifestyles. We’re talking piercings and tattoos and mittens pinned to sleeves. She will, however, grow up to marry Wolverine so you better keep your mouth in check if you know what’s good for you, Tophy.

So Alex continues to introduce Topher to the team. Arsenic is also less than happy that there’s a new kid on the premises, but hey, maybe they can run a refugee camp for whiny teenagers. Sister Grimm offers Topher a tour, and Alex wants to join, but Sister Grimm tells him to butt the fuck out, son. Alex is left thinking that they’re probably going to bone, which is funny to me because Alex sucks and this Topher kid seems way cooler. He’s got an earring in his eyebrow.

Lucy in the Sky puts her diabetes wristband back on and assumes her less-than-incandescent human form. She encourages the group to keep a tight lip on her whole alienness around Topher lest he freaks out even more. Maybe she has a thing for Topher too, since the eyebrow piercing makes him a Bad Boy. “If he says anything, just tell him I’m a mutant.”

K. Let’s see what Topher and Sister Grimm are up to…alone…

Runaways (Vol. 1), Issue #8

You said it, sister.

And yes, she has the room to herself. That’s the way she likes it.

“Why, you doing something in here you don’t want them to see?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Right on. Topher notices the cut on her forearm, which alarms him, but Nico insists that it’s no biggie. She just cut herself to get her staff out of her body is all! Routine shit. But she doesn’t tell him this, she keeps things close to the vest. Topher thinks she’s a cutter, which embarrasses her into spilling the beans.

“Man, I don’t know how you guys have adjusted so quickly to the fact that your parents are… you know,” Topher slumps pathetically on the bed. “It’s like, growing up in Cali, you hear about Doc Ock and Venom and the Punisher and whatever on TV, but they always felt far away and… make-believe.” That’s because it is all make-believe, Topher, you idiot. Buy a comic book once in a while.

Nico tells Topher to buck up, buttercup. Maybe there’s a still a chance that his parents can reform! Her parents are a lost cause, though. Evil sorcerers, remember?

Topher says that he’s been wanting to run away from his parents since he was 12. And now that he has, he wants things back to normal (i.e. this kid is equivocating like a motherfucker).

They start to lean in for a kiss, but Nico (rightfully) stops him. There will be no nookie until they hit another topic: she has a thing for Alex. Topher, racistly, is like “he’s your type?” Nico, racistly, is like “he’s not.” It doesn’t matter, they still shouldn’t kiss.

Topher is like, “no, we’re going to anyway, ho.”

And then they kiss. And Nico is surprised. And then she likes it.

And then Alex is spying on them from behind a painting like a total creep.

Final Thoughts

Nico’s gonna get something else stuck in her today ifyaknowwhatimean.


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