Jaesyn Momarozamo’s Game Reviews

My name is Jaesyn Momarozamo and I refuse to introduce myself. My retarded faggot older brother Bryndyn — his words, not mine — bought the Skyrim Anniversary Edition last week because it was on sale for $599.99 and our Xbox only has two other games: Family Circus Fan Pack and Anal Fisting Sluts 8. At least now I don’t have to follow Billy’s stupid dotted line as he steals the mail from the mailbox and blasts it with a garden hose, much to Daddy’s chagrin.

I played other games too at Mark’s house but we have to be sneaky about it since his mom won’t let him play video games anytime after 1pm. Her name is Jennifer and she can suck a hell fuck. She’s pretty hot though since she’s only like 34 years old, but she has an attitude and her eyebrows are always crinkly. She also does a lot of hot yoga which is gay as hell.

Skyrim: Anniversary Edition

Anyway, this game is really fucked. I don’t know what’s going on and all the trolls keep killing me. I climbed the giant mountain with all the sus old child molesters and learned how to yell gibberish that knocks enemies back, which is cool, but I enter areas like Cold Dick Keep and I get blasted by some mage’s two bolts of ice and I die instantly. I even brought the difficulty down to Kid Without Opposable Thumbs, but these bandits kept smashing me with giant warhammers before I even had a chance to suck down a potion. That reminds me, there are only four weapons in the whole game. I tried being a bow-and-arrow orc and I accidentally shot a Whiterun guard in the neck. I was aiming for Ysolda, the bitch who wants a mammoth tusk, because she was catty with me.

The Anniversary Edition comes with bonus content, but since the actual game is over 700 hours long you’ll never actually get to play them. Speaking of which, there are a fuckton of quests and they all want you to go to the wrong side of the map. Here I am in Riften trying to learn how to pickpocket hot women, and everyone is like “TRAVEL TO SOLITUDE TO FETCH MY CANE”. There’s this one quest where some god named Meridian wants me to visit her temple way up in the mountains, and I’d rather throw her beacon into the ocean.

This game is bad. No wonder no one played it in 2011 and no wonder no one plays it now.

Rating: D+

Control

Control is pretty sweet. It takes place in this government building that’s the size of Disney World, and this chick spends most of the time throwing concrete and flying demons. I didn’t get very far in the game before I died a lot, probably because I didn’t get all the right powerups and I kept forgetting to cleanse the circles, whatever the fuck that means. Mark got to the science lab, but then his mom unplugged the Xbox and made him eat his green beans.

I convinced faggot-ass Bryndyn to buy the game when it was on sale for $69 (nice), but the files were corrupted or something because it wouldn’t get past the load screen no matter how long we waited, and it was blasting “Bent” by Matchbox 20.

What little I did play of it was pretty awesome even though the main chick wasn’t hot enough. I like my women with a little meat on their bones.

Rating: A-

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Mark used to have a collection of comic books until his mom threw them out while he was away at Fat Camp. His favorite superhero is Batman because “Batman rules” and he doesn’t have anything smarter to say about it. I like Batman too, but I’m not a stupid gaywad about it like Mark. I think Deadpool is way cooler because he says swear words and he makes fun of people who died horrible deaths.

Batman: Arkham Asylum is about Batman spending hours upon hours looking for the Joker, and since Joker is much, much smarter than him you spend the whole game fighting mercenaries in buildings instead of punching the clown’s teeth out of his head. Usually, Joker can be seen on the TV screens in the buildings going “HEE HEE HEE, CAN’T CATCH ME, BATS!” and I hate it that he keeps calling him “Bats”, but otherwise the game is pretty cool. Mark wanted to find all the Riddler trophies, but since I thought that was boring bullshit I instead farted in a paper bag and made him huff it.

Batman has some cool gadgets that you’ll never use, like the controllable batarang and the electric dildo thing. I mostly liked blowing shit up with the explosive spray. Mark liked climbing tall buildings and gliding down the ground, and it was fun the first 5,000 times but it got old fast. Good thing the power went out in the house and we were able to play the Mad Magazine board game from the ’70s.

Rating: B

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

This game is older than dirt, but it can be fun if you like stealing cars like I do. Basically, you play some gangsta negro that just got out of jail and you need to help his friends avenge his criminal punishment. Or something like that. Samuel L. Jackson plays an asshole cop. Eventually, you help James woods in the mountains. It’s a weird game.

Usually, I like to eat at the Burger Shot until I’m fatter than Mark, and then I adjust the angle of the camera so that it looks like I’m struttin’ toward it. I laughed so hard that Mark’s mom caught us playing Xbox at 12:50pm, so she threw it in the pond behind his house. Yes, that’s right, Mark has a pond behind his house. Mark is super rich because his dad is a pimp or something.

Anyway, stealing cars gets boring after a while and the cutscenes of the missions are just CJ’s friends going “I AIN’T NO BUSTA’!” I’d rather play Crash Bandicoot.

Rating: C+

That’s all for now. I played more games, but I already wrote 1,000 words and that’s about 950 more than I wrote for my book report on Kama Sutra. I got an F and my parents got arrested.

See you next time.


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Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1 – “Better Than Batman (Part 1)”

* Part 1 of 4 of the Better Than Batman storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1 – “Better Than Batman (Part 1)”!

Dick Grayson sucks. I’m only reading this because it ties into a crossover event. Let’s get it fucking over with already.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1 [September, 2016]
Written by: Tim Seeley
“Better Than Batman (Part 1)”

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1

Welcome to Cimitirul Central in the heart of Cluj-Napoca, Romania! Where all the action is! A corpse-looking couple – a man and a woman – are digging in a graveyard looking for something thus far unknown for a man named Dr. Leviticus. “Have you found it, Padurar?” asks the woman. Padurar says “Hrm. Gllrgh.” This translates to “my butt is wet”.

The two uncover a cask of coins! Real Romanian coins, pricelessly valued at $4.17. The woman is actually not dead, but she’s so old that she looks dead. The man is dead. You can tell because he said “gllrgh”.

Suddenly, some thrown object pierces Mr. Gllrgh’s eyeball, scaring the shit out of the woman. A man with a weird mechanical gauntlet apparatus punches within an inch of the woman’s face. “I call this Suyolak,” he says of the gauntlet. “As a fellow tinkerer, I’m sure you’re impressed.”

In short, the woman is getting threatened. She holds her hands up in the universal motion of “I begrudgingly surrender” and asks the man if he even knows who she is. He doesn’t want her money, by the way. He’s already getting paid. “What I want is to dig up the past. And if I don’t get it… it’s you who’ll get buried.”

Welcome to Teatro Regio di Torino in the heart of Turin, Italy! Where none of the action is! There’s a Cirque du Soleil event happening in the theater, and since our hero Nightwing did a lot of flipping and flopping back in the day as part of the “Flying Graysons”, he’s the star attraction of the big event! He catches the reading audience up on how he does fantastic acrobatics, and this worked well as Robin once. Batman liked to watch the boy do cartwheels.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1

BLEEP BLORP I AM FROM THE PLANET REPTILON

For some reason, a gibberish-speaking man in an orange lizard costume draws a knife and intends to kill a few people in the good seats. Good thing Nightwing, that sexy little beast, flings toward the crowd and stops the lunatic. By the way, Nightwing is looking to repay an old debt. He owes his mom and dad to at least stop bad guys doing provocative flips and spins. He owes Bruce Wayne for adopting him illegally and holding him hostage for all those years, making him dance around in a Robin costume. “I’m glad I grew up in a circus. Because sometimes I still have to put on a show.”

After stopping the dumbass in the animal costume, Nightwing puts a leg up seductively and addresses the lovely Representative Manfred. “The Parliament of Owls sends its regards,” he says an inch from her nose. A can of mace would come in handy right now.

Welcome to Chania, Crete, Greece! Where only a little bit of the action is! “Tonight’s performance involves me working for an international offshoot of Gotham’s Court of Owls. They think they got me by the short hairs after they threatened Robin’s life. Little do they know I’m flipping the script, getting in close so I can get the dirt on their filthy rich plans and take them down.” You spry fox! Godspeed! Huzzah!

Nightwing pulls open the enormous doors of a… building, I guess. I vaguely remember this shit from the New 52 Batman, but since that was four years ago I’m not going to remember any of it. Tryin’ to roll with it here. “Gray Son of Gotham,” says the man waiting inside the building. The wall is covered with owl portraits. “We would have words with you. I call this Council of the Parliament to order.”

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1

Basically, stop being a goody-goody and kick some real ass for us.

Whatever you say, hoss. He’s wearing a metal owlish mask to hide what we may eventually find out to be a beautiful, manly face. He’s mad that Nightwing is still out there being an altruistic superhero instead of giving his life to the covenant. ANYWAY, the Dubai Owls were almost robbed by a guy who calls himself Raptor. The Owls were impressed by this guy’s cunning and Swiss army knife skills, so they guaranteed a healthy sum in order to hire him for their own purposes. He’s great, man, this Raptor. Partner up with this guy, Nightwing. You could learn a thing or two about not being a weenie. “You will steal. You will kill. For us.”

Grayson reminds Mr. Owl-Face that he was forced into this cult and he’ll never be one of them. He’ll do things his own way, if that means baking the enemy some cookies, then so be it.

Welcome to Wayne Manor! Where there is so little action that I’m sawing my dick off out of boredom! Nightwing visits the old stomping grounds and watches Batman and Robin rasslin’. The winged one is teaching Damian Wayne, his evil little Hellspawn of a son, how to fight like a big, burly man. But little Robin is having trouble.

“Damian!” yells Nightwing. “Batman always dodges left and hits right! Watch his right!”

Batman turns his head. “I thought I was the teacher here, Dick,” he says, calling his old ward a dick.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1

Take that, assfuck! USA! USA! USA!

Nightwing has to help Batman up because his son socked him so hard that he now has irreversible brain damage. Little Robin fistpumps. Batman gives him five minutes before resuming their kickboxing session.

“Anyway, they want me to shadow a guy named ‘Raptor’,” Nightwing tells his old mentor. “Apparently, he’s better at toeing the company line. On one hand, I can probably buy some time if I work with him. But I also might spend more time ducking him than finding out ways to expose the owls’ wrinkly jowls. What do you think, Bruce?”

Bruce is drooling like a braindead vegetable. Robin has severed Bruce’s brain stem into two pieces.

“I think, Dick, that you should stop asking me questions,” Bruce growls. I’m guessing these two have some tense recent history. Bruce points out Nightwing’s insistence that he wants to do things “his own way”, so Bruce is like “Fine. Do things your own way. Fuck off, kid.” It’s understandable that Bruce doesn’t want to help him one bit! In fact, he should shove him into a hole.

In short, Bruce trusts Dick to make his own decisions. “I’m not your teacher anymore,” he says. He has his hands full with poopypants Damian anyway. Now where’s that hole?

Dick grumbles and takes his leave. He needs to visit Barbara Gordon (aka Batgirl) right now anyway to a) chat, and b) probably fuck. He shows up on the Burnside Bridge in a nice button-down with a sport coat. Batgirl is dressed like Batgirl, and she doesn’t have time for Dick’s shenanigans. She had no idea that this wasn’t going to be superhero stuff! “I should go change,” she says, embarrassed. Dick says it’s ok, he just wanted to see her before he went to Russia to be an international spy! Batgirl is like “ugggghhhh, not again”.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1

Remember that time we 69ed hanging from a rope from a helicopter piloted by no one?? Fun times, huh?

Batgirl tells Dick that he’s a stupid asshole and that he should be more careful. This job sounds dangerous and Putin’s going to shove him out of a window. In Gotham, there are plenty of friends to protect him. In Russia, Dick might get kidnapped and sold as a mail-order bride!

“There’s no way Batman is ok with this,” says Batgirl.

“He’s helping me out. He’s totally ok with it. Almost too ok with it.”

Batgirl picks up a transmission on her headgear police scanner. Some mook named Spinebender just robbed a convenience store. Superhero time after all! And they cavort and enjoy their last night together before Dick gets murdered in Pereslavl-Zalessky near Lake Pleshcheyevo.

In Moscow at night, Nightwing crouches near a wall in the Muzeon Park of Arts holding a nesting doll with Barbara’s name on it. A souvenir for if he comes back to Gotham City without getting killed.

While Nightwing smiles at the doll, his buddy Raptor shows up to make fun of his cracker ass. Nightwing makes a proctology joke. They’re already hitting it off quite nicely. “I told the Parliament I’m working this case alone,” Nightwing whines at Raptor. “Nothing personal, but I’ve already had some of the best partners a guy can have.”

Raptor kicks this shithead in the back so hard that Dick cracks the wall. “Who’s Barbara? Is she why you aren’t doing your job? You don’t want to disappoint her?”

Nightwing lies dying on the ground while Raptor continues throwing shade. Now it’s Nightwing’s turn to attack, and pretty soon these two are having a cute little tussle. Raptor calls Nightwing a flailing puppet. Nightwing pretends to be crying and sad.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #1

Did Bruce show you where the clitoris is, Nightwing? Bruce knows where all of them are.

“Did your old mentor teach you to be a pining, impotent virgin who can’t stop thinking about ‘Barbara’?” Raptor says while punching Nightwing in the gut. I’m laughing at this while Nightwing has nothing to say other than “Shut up!” NNNNNGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Raptor extends his gauntlet, Suyolak, and blasts a plume of purple smoke, incapacitating Nightwing one more time before he gets cracked across the face. “You need to sit down, shut up, and listen. You need a new partner. A better mentor. Because everything Batman taught you is wrong.”

Nightwing grits his teeth on the ground while Raptor stands triumphantly. He’ll show him who taught him wrong!

Er…

Final Thoughts

Hell yeah, I can already tell this guy actually is better than Batman. It’s painfully obvious to me, and if you think Batman is better than Raptor then you can eat my oversized novelty hat.


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Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3 – “Super Famous (Part 3)”

* Part 3 of 3 of the Super Famous storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3 – “Super Famous (Part 3)”! In the previous installment, public perception of Ms. Marvel has plummeted after her endorsement of the Hope Yards Development, but she can’t worry about that now. Something sinister is going on – people are walking around with purple eyes fawning over the new gentrified neighborhood! Even Bruno, who had been kidnapped by Hydra to join the effort in its world domination! HA HA HA HA HAAA!!

So Ms. Marvel has to stop Hydra before Abu yells at her for spending $8000 on Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Because getting grounded will surely impede progress.

Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3 [March, 2016]
Written by: G. Willow Wilson
“Super Famous (Part 3)”

Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3

Ms. Marvel is understandably miffed that Hydra kidnapped and brainwashed her best friend. This is, in fact, where she draws the line. “I can’t let you do this,” she says. That’ll show ‘em.

And, of course, part of Hydra’s plan was to discredit Ms. Marvel by erecting a giant advertisement billboard with her likeness. “You were a potential annoyance. What other costumed hero would lift a finger to protect this shambling little city?”

That did it. There is where she draws the line. Jersey City may be a hole, but it isn’t shambling! Grrrr! She embiggens herself, picks up this Red Beard Bad Guy Bastard, and throws him across the room like this: *fling*

After knocking a few heads together, Red Beard sprays a magenta mist out of his sleeve. “Did you know nanotech can be dispersed as an aerosol?” he says smirking. “Amazing, really. My men and I have been inoculated against its effects. The residents of Jersey City, on the other hand…”

Ms. Marvel holds her breath while continuing to throw people around. And just as she picks up Red Beard and readies to shove him legs first in a woodchipper, Bruno zaps her with a high-end electrified weapon stick thing while he says things in a trance like “I like my new job” and “New job, hail Hydra”.

Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3

I’d be so bad at that. I’d accidentally let my muscles atrophy. I’d be superheroing with potato chips on the couch.

“Time for a change in tactics,” Ms. Marvel thinks. She shrinks really small this time and scurries around like a mouse, much to the annoyance of the Hope Yards Hydra guys.

Then, behind Bruno, she enlarges and snatches him by the scruff. “Put me down!” Bruno yells, wiggling out of Ms. Marvel’s grasp. “Hail Hydra,” he says again like a fucking Pokemon.

Ms. Marvel is like “fine” and leaves him there, fending for herself as she busts out of there. The Hydra goons consider following her, but no. She’ll be back. “We have something she wants… right here.”

Later that evening, Mike is in her bedroom talking to her friend Lizzy over the phone about the Mysterious Disappearance of Bruno Baggadonuts when ALL OF A SUDDEN MS. MARVEL FLIES THROUGH MIKE’S OPEN WINDOW like a rude piece of shit. Mike is happy to see her; superheroes and everything, people like them.

“I have some questions to ask you about Bruno Carrelli,” Ms. Marvel says, hands on hips. Then she crumples into a sad heap. “He’s been kidnapped, and it’s all my fault.”

Mike is like “…oh…” and then apologizes to Ms. Marvel because she knows that she and Bruno are close for reasons that probably have something to do with the fact that Ms. Marvel and Kamala Khan have the exact same face and haircut.

After Ms. Marvel tells Mike that she’s the only one who can help, Mike’s like “What the fuck can I do to help? Trigonometry?” Ms. Marvel then slaps her and shakes her like a newborn baby, all NO! YOU HAVE THE KEY TO HIS HEART!

And indeed, Mike has a passkey to private cloud server that he and a few of his nerd friends sync data to. All they have to do is break into the school in the middle of the night to check in on the purple goop antidote that Bruno was working on before he got kidnapped and brain-scrambled. During their foray into the dark, empty school, Ms. Marvel has the realization that Mike really loves this kid. She finds it touching. Almost… almost as if… as if she is ok with Bruno being happy, even without her. WILL THEY? WON’T THEY? ARRGHH!!

Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3

She sounds great! Ha ha, um… nice and antisocial, er… good teeth?

Ms. Marvel assures her that maybe, just maybe, this girl that Bruno used to be in love with needs time to adjust to her best friend dating another girl. Teenage drama, it’ll be funny in about ten years!

Mike cracks into the server and starts downloading the data. According to the figures and charts and lewd pornographic videos and images, Bruno was trying to synthesize some sort of protein. A protein that could disrupt the nanotech from latching onto brain neurons. Science! “That’s great and all,” says Ms. Buzzkill, “but how would we get the protein into people’s brains to begin with?”

They both turn their heads to the machine behind them: “THE BEASTRON” 3-D printer.

Time to 3-D print some proteins and fill up hairspray bottles and squirt it into people’s faces! Science!

The next morning at the Hope Yards complex, Chuck and his Hydra buddies are on an outdoor stage for a “CLEAN IT UP” rally. “Thanks to you,” he addresses the drooling, pink-eyed audience, “Phase One of the Downtown Revitalization Project has been a resounding success!”

Yay! Weeee! Phase Two is next, wherein they spread their influence to all of Jersey City and “get rid of all undesirables” (read: brown people).

Ms. Marvel and Mike show up with a big “NOT SO FAST” and start spraying protein mist all over the audience. Redbeard tells his minions to stop them, but it’s too damn fucking late. The people start waking up, addled and confused.

Ms. Marvel (Vol. 4), Issue #3

Ms. Marvel: Bootin’ nerds since 2013.

“I didn’t come back from the dead for this,” whines Redbeard. He palms Ms. Marvel’s head like a basketball and sends ultraviolet energy through her skull. She’ll be reduced to quivering mass of pulp unless Mike can spray Bruno in the face right now! Do it!

*spray*

“Buhh!”

That did the trick! Bruno looks around bewildered and then gives Mike a big ol’ hug. No time for the lovey-dovey now, though, since Ms. Marvel is getting all fucked up Hydra-style. Better go save her somehow. Maybe you can tie Redbeard’s shoelaces together?

Here’s how you beat the bad guy: you dump a bottle of blue nanotech-neutralizing protein on him and he’ll fall to the floor screaming and writhing like a Grade A doofus. Looks like everything has been taken care of! Not a single loose thread.

*crickets*

“Ever thought of what you owe the rest of us?” Nakia says among a throng of protesters. “Like an explanation for why you put your face on the side of a luxury condo complex that nobody in this neighborhood can afford?”

Time for Ms. Marvel’s “I didn’t do it!” spiel. Nakia is wise to this denial, especially since it’s happening after Hope Yards was exposed to be the seedy, evil, world-dominating corporation that it was! The rest of the crowd is similarly doubtful. “But… I’m telling the truth…” Ms. Marvel says meekly among the sudden yelling.

I took down the bad guys. I neutralized the threat to the city. Yet somehow…? This doesn’t feel like a victory, she thinks.

Bruno tells Ms. Marvel to leave this for another day. There’s always tomorrow and the next day to re-boost public image. Mike apologizes. Ms. Marvel doesn’t understand why things can’t just go back to normal after fixing everything and wrapping it up with a pretty bow on top!

“Would you literally kill me if I said you’re the hero that Jersey City deserves?” smiles Bruno.

“Yes, I would literally kill you.”

Mike suggests laying low for a while. She’s got cookie dough in the freezer! And, you know what? So do I! See you later, dorks.

Final Thoughts

Poor Ms. Marvel. She just wants to help her fair city and her fellow man. Even if it is Jersey City, and even if her fellow man are Jersey City residents. Blech.


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Sucky Funnies for July 27, 2025

Nope, I haven’t given up on this feature quite yet! This may be the first and only Sucky Funnies Sunday of 2025, but by god I’m going to give it my all.

I’m already tired. Let’s just get on with it.

Ziggy

Ziggy - July 27, 2025

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Today’s Ziggy is quite cerebral. I didn’t even understand it at first. I was like “What the hell is Hollaiwood” but then I understood the subtleties of the joke. “Uh-oh” is right, Ziggy, my hapless bald friend. Ziggy, on his way to a shoot at the Warner Brothers lot for his hilarious sitcom “That’s My Ziggy!”, drives by the new Hollywood sign where he gets the news that he has been replaced by a robot actor. A robot actor that’s much better than him at acting.

Or, more likely, Ziggy busses tables at Starbucks while trying to get anybody to read his screenplay. That’s Los Angeles for you. Where dreams go to die.

Crankshaft

Crankshaft - July 27, 2025

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While Ziggy tackles the heady subject of Artificial Intelligence, Crankshaft waxes nostalgic about the days of yore. I see a lot of myself in Ralph as someone who refuses to give up his iTunes and iPods, but this guy probably putters along Route 45 at 20 mph in a car that spews gallons of exhaust and makes an awful racket that sounds like someone threw a handful of ball bearings down a garbage disposal.

That is to say, the community hates Ralph and his stupid car where he plays 8-tracks of ABBA at decibels that rival rocket launches. Fuck that guy.

Mary Worth

Mary Worth - July 27, 2025

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And it would be a Sucky Funnies Sunday without peaking into the current ongoings of Mary Worth. I feel like I’ve stumbled upon the conclusion of an arc here, so I can only speculate as to what Olive’s “gifts” are. It’s either Satanic black magicks, or her extremely wet pussy. Or both! What goes on in her bedroom of whips and chains and summoning circles is none of my business.

But let’s not forget the elephant in the room here. New York City is lousy with plummeting air conditioner units threatening to kill pedestrians. It’s the leading cause of death in the city next to runaway taxis and the homeless. Thank god that Mary Worth survived, now we have decades of wisdom still to come. Because, like our favorite octogenarian Mary Worth herself, the strip will never, ever die.

And that’s comforting.

Like a toothache.


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Season 9, Episode 18 – “This Little Wiggy”

The Simpsons, Season 9, Episode 18 - This Little Wiggy

“This Little Wiggy”

Original Air Date:
March 22, 1998
Directed by:
Neil Affleck
Written by:
Dan Greaney

QUICK SYNOPSIS

Bart is reluctant to hang out with Ralph Wiggum, until he gains access to Chief Wiggum’s master key to the city.

POINTLESS GUEST STAR(S)

Not a one.

WHY THIS EPISODE SUCKS

“This Little Wiggy” is on the good edge of mediocrity. Is it likely that this is one of the most iconic episodes in the post-Classic era? Maybe. Not since “I Love Lisa” have we seen Ralph shine. Well… not shine. He mostly glistens. Wetly.

The problem I have with this episode is the exaggeration of Ralph’s character. It’s becoming clear that Mike Scully wants to bring minor characters to the forefront, what with Moe in “Dumbbell Indemnity”, Principal Skinner in “The Principal and the Pauper”, Apu in “The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons”, and Krusty in “The Last Tempatation of Krust”. Ralph is supposed to be this dimwitted little spaz, but now he borders on mentally challenged. The eight-year-old boy running around playing Wiggle Puppy in public isn’t the same well-meaning lovesick boy from “I Love Lisa”. Would Season 9 Ralph be able to play George Washington in the school play? Or would he merely just wallow in a pool of melted fudgsicles? We go even further by introducing the leprechaun who tells Ralph to burn things. Are we to believe now that Ralph teeters on the brink of complete psychosis? I thought he was just a kid who brought Star Wars figurines to a diorama competition, not an arsonist. Weird, right?

The third act is dumb, too. Taking Chief Wiggum’s skeleton key to the old, abandoned (but still guarded?) penitentiary just so we can lead into a shitty sequence where Quimby sits in the electric chair? Lazy writing.

I like the joke where Chief Wiggum gives the kids riot gear on the house. So I guess it isn’t all bad.

The Simpsons, Season 9, Episode 18 - This Little Wiggy

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

Episode director Neil Affleck was praised by the staff for his directing in this episode. Affleck was also praised for his ability to create three new elaborate settings in the episode: the science museum, the Springfield penitentiary, and the large toy store.
Kudos to Neil! Round of applause for the man, ladies and gentlemen. The dude really knows how to create three new elaborate settings. Wow. Conan O’Brien invented a whole monorail in Season 4, but ok.

When Bart looks through the police records, he finds Homer’s and comments, “Wow, Homer’s been in jail six times.” Originally, the line after that was, “Aw, he killed a swan at the zoo,” but the line was changed to “Aw, Mom’s only been in jail twice.” The resulting line change raises questions of how Marge’s arrest information can be on Homer’s police record.
I’ll field this one: It was a poorly written joke! There, that was easy.

The episode originally did not involve Lisa helping Ralph and Bart to brainstorm an idea to alert the penitentiary. The original scene, which Dan Greaney cites as one of his favorite scenes in the show, despite never actually being in the show, involved Bart, Ralph, and Homer trying to make a plan to save Mayor Quimby.
Too bad it’ll never see the light of day, because I trust some dipshit named “Dan Greaney” to tell me how good a scene in the show would be. Oh look, I found a piece of the original script!

Bart: “We need to get to the penitentiary, quick!”
Ralph: “My daddy penitentaries bad guys all the time!” *falls on face*
Bart: *groan* “Ralph, you’re dead weight!”
Homer: “Let’s go, boys! I’ve got my keys!” *holds up giant novelty foam baseball glove* “D’oh!” *falls on face*

FINAL GRADE
C+


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