I spent the entirety of Spring 2023 avoiding the Sunday comics page, and I’m better for it! For instance, I spent that extra time I usually waste reading funnies by planting trees, volunteering at a homeless shelter, and knitting hats to sell for mere pennies on Etsy.

Or I jacked off for 90 days or something. Let’s get on with it.

Arlo and Janis

My buddies Arlo and Janis spend an evening not using their premium subscriptions to any of their various streaming services. Just kidding! These two are perpetually stuck in 1985 when Back to the Future reigned surpreme and children were getting abducted and murdered left and right!

“I’ve always liked Flo!” = wrong. Flo sucks.
“I love the lizard! He’s so cute!” = wrong. The lizard sucks.

That’s about all I have to say here. Oh, no wait. Panel #4 is the best, where Janis’ hatred for the commercials selling the cars with the kids driving the cars like the streets were like the video game about the cars driving in the streets is so profound that she becomes the pitch black living embodiment of malice and spite!

I also like that there is absolutely no TV in this comic strip. These two are losing their marbles. Maybe a divorce is in order.

Pluggers

Thanks to Shirley Brookins for being passive-aggressive about your snootiness toward state-of-the-art technology like “computers” and “printers”. No one wants to receive a handwritten cursive note anymore. No one can read your handwriting anyway, Shirley. Your handwritten letters get tossed in the garbage along with the AARP newsletter and the Medicare promotional 0% APR credit cards.

Mary Worth

Since I started the Sucky Funnies Sunday feature, Mary Worth has jumped to the top of my favorite comic strips of all time. Bite me, Calvin & Hobbes. Where are your dogs wearing bowties?

Jumping into the middle of a Mary Worth arc with zero context is one of the greatest joys in life. There’s nothing I could say that is funnier than the subject matter at hand. Except that I think the guy in the penultimate panel is Diedrich Bader. I’d appreciate some confirmation of this from anyone (you) who might be reading this (my blog). Thank you.